Suyash P. Awate |
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| I'm not an outlier; I just haven't found my distribution yet! |
| In God we trust. All others must bring data. |
| A Bayesian and a Frequentist were to be executed. The judge asked them what were their last wishes. The Bayesian replied that he would like to give the Frequentist one more lecture. The judge granted the Bayesian's wish and then turned to the Frequentist for his last wish. The Frequentist quickly responded that he wished to hear the lecture again and again and again and again........ |
| What do statistics professors get when they drink too much? Kurtosis of the Liver! |
| "When she told me I was average, she was just being mean". |
| A beautiful young woman was dating a mathematician and a statistician, and she knew she had to make a decision. The two young fellows knew of each other, and were all the time trying to impress her with their intelligence. The woman decided that she would put the two young men to a test, and the winner would be her husband. She brought them into a small room and explained to them, "I have decided to end this battle between you, and pick one of you for my life-long partner. You must pass a simple test which I have devised. In turn, I want each of you to stand on that side of the room, and I will stand on this side of the room. Every 10 seconds, I want you to walk half the distance between us towards me until you get to me. Once you get to me, I want you to give me a kiss." The mathematician quickly thinks he has the answer to the test, and wants to be the first to proclaim it. "I refuse to do such a thing!" the mathematician said. "If I always walk half the distance toward you, I will never get to you. There will always be some distance left, no matter how small, and it can always be split in half!" The mathematician knows he has won, and smirks quietly to himself. The statistician thinks for a second, and says, "I'll give it a whirl." So, he stands on the other side of the room from the young woman, and then walks half way to her. After 10 seconds, he walks half way to her again. Then again. Then again. After about 2 minutes, the statistician is face to face with the young woman, their noses almost touching. Suddenly, he grabs her and gives her a big kiss! The mathematician shouts, "Hey! You can't do |
| My life is an experiment I never had a chance to properly design. |
| A lottery is a tax on people who don't understand statistics. |
| Statistics means never having to say you're certain. |
| A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine. |
| The great majority of people have more than the average number of legs. Amongst the 57 million people in Britain there are probably 5,000 people who have only one leg. Therefore the average number of legs is (5000 x 1 + 56,995,000 x 2)/57,000,000 = 1.9999123. Since most people have two legs... |
| Did you hear about the politician who promised that, if he was elected, he'd make certain that everybody would get an above average income? |
| There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. |
| I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate. |