COOL COMPUTER SCIENCE QUOTES

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. (Donald Knuth)

Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. [Edsger Dijkstra]

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. [Pablo Picasso]

There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. (Bjarne Stroustrup)

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. (Bjarne Stroustrup)

A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. (Dennis M Ritchie)

Pointers are like jumps, leading wildly from one part of the data structure to another. Their introduction into high-level languages has been a step backwards from which we may never recover. (Charles Hoare)

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it. (Seymour Cray)

Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming. (Brian Kernighan)

If the programmer can simulate a construct faster than a compiler can implement the construct itself, then the compiler writer has blown it badly. (Guy Steele)

If all users wanted was a graphical interface, wouldn't the Macintosh dominate the market? (Bruce Tonkin)

Starting this Thanksgiving I am going to write a complete Unix-compatible software system called GNU (for Gnu's Not Unix), and give it away free to everyone who can use it. (Richard Stallman)

Hello everybody out there using minix - I'm doing a (free) operating system (just a hobby, won't be big and professional like gnu) for 386(486) AT clones. (Linus Torvalds)

Heisenbug Uncertainty Principle: Most production software bugs are soft: they go away when you look at them. (Jim Gray)

Garbage to ten decimal places is still garbage.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.

I think there is a world market for maybe 5 computers. [Thomas Watson, 1943] 

640K ought to be enough for anybody. [Bill Gates,1981]

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. (Bill Gates)

Mr. Thomas Edison has been up on the two previous nights discovering 'a bug' in his phonograph.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

To err is human ; to debug ... divine. []

To err is human ; to forgive ... not the job of the operating system. []

Yes, it works well in practice, but will it work in theory ? []

"Good" data is half done. []

Give me "perfect" data, and I will give you "perfect" results. []

COOL QUOTES

Dilbert's Rules of Order
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I will tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
8. My reality check bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the rear.
16. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
17. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
18. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
19. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
20. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23. Following the rules will not get the job done.

A spouse is someone who will stand by you through all the trouble . . . you wouldn't have had, had you stayed single.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. [Douglas Adams]

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. [Ashleigh Brilliant]

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. [Ashleigh Brilliant]

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil." "How's that?" "Completely pointless." [Black adder, Series II]

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. [F. P. Jones]

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. [Oscar Wilde]

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. [Jane Wagner]

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. [George Bernard Shaw]

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' [Isaac Asimov]

Living in a vacuum sucks. [Adrienne E. Gusoff]

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. [Darrin Weinberg]

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly.  But tomorrow, I shall be sober."

Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important. [Lisa Hoffman]

There are two essential basic strategies for success in business: 1. Never reveal all you know.

You don't have to agree with me, but its quicker.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened!

Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.

QUOTES FROM FAMOUS PEOPLE

A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems. (Paul Erdös)

Occam's Razor: The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct. (William of Occam)

Politics is for the moment. An equation is for eternity. [Albert Einstein]

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. [Lincoln]

Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark. [Tagore]

We may truly say that of all the men of his time whom we have known, he was the wisest and justest and best. [Phaedo on Socrates]

If a man says he's not afraid of dying, he's either lying, or he's a Gorkha. [Field Marshall Sam Manekshaw]

It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. [Alfred, Lord Tennyson]

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. [Dolly Parton]

I am not a teacher ... only a fellow traveler of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead ... ahead of myself as well as of you. [G. B. Shaw]

There is no sincerer love than the love of food. [George Bernard Shaw]

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity. [George Bernard Shaw]

You see things and say 'Why?'; but I dream things that never were and I say 'Why not?' [George Bernard Shaw]

I may not be a first-rate composer, but I am a first-class second-rate composer". [Richard Strauss]

I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. [Albert Einstein]

The smallest measure of one's own experience is worth more than a millions of others' experiences. [Gotthold E. Lessing]

True education prevents intolerance. [Charles de Montesquieu]

What is clear and easy to grasp attract us; somplications deter. [David Hilbert]

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. [Albert Einstein]

The greatest mathematicians, such as Archimedes, Newton, and Gauss, always united theory and applications in equal measure. [Felix Klein]

Differential equations are the foundation of the natural scientific, mathematical view of the world. [Vladimir Igorevic Arnold]

There exists remarkable possibility that one can master a subject mathematically, without really understanding its essence. [Albert Einstein]

The value of a mathematical discipline is to be determined by its applicability to the empirical sciences. [C. Runge]

PERLI'S EPIGRAMS (FIRST TURING AWARD WINNER: 1966)

One man's constant is another man's variable.

If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.

Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.

In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.

Every program has (at least) two purposes: The one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.

It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.

In a 5 year period we get one superb programming language - only we can't control when the 5 year period will begin.

WHAT THEY SAY IN THE UNIVERSITY 

The rules of the game, however absurd, cannot be altered by playing that game. [Arthur Koestler]

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. [Peter Drucker]

For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. [H. L. Mencken]

Forget computers; it's hard enough getting humans to pass the Turing test. [David Bedno]

If I had to do it over again? Hmm... I guess I'd spell 'creat' with an 'e'. [Ken Thompson] -- ... so the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with..." "EBCDIC!" [University of Wisconsin collection of computer/math class quotes]

Never turn your back on a compiler. [Curtis Hill] --Hardware, n.: The part of the computer that can be kicked.

APL is a write-only language. I can write programs in APL, but I can't read any of them. [Roy Keir]

The fundamental law of computer architecture: Good, fast, cheap: pick any two.

If you were plowing a field, what would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? [Seymour Cray (on massively parallel architectures)]

If you spend too much time warming up, you'll miss the race. If you don't warm up at all, you may not finish the race." [Grant Heidrich]

When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only of how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

If you must play, decide three things at the start: The rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. [Chinese proverb]

Divine inspiration is an acceptable means of solving these problems. [Kye Hedlund, teaching 122]

No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear. [Edmund Burke]

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm. [Vince Lombardi]

SERIOUS THOUGHTS

I want to remind you that success in life is based on hard slogging. There will be periods when discouragement is great and upsetting, and the antidote for this is calmness and fortitude and a modest yet firm belief in your competence. Be sure that your priorities are in order so that you can proceed in a logical manner, and be ever mindful that nothing will take the place of persistence. [Annenberg

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that  never hurts. [Charles Dickens]

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. [Ralph Waldo Emerson]

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. [Henry Ford]

When I die I would rather have people say why there is no monument to me than why there is. [Cato the Elder]

It is a very hard undertaking to seek to please everybody. [Publilius Syrus]

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; don't walk beside me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and just be my friend. [Albert Camus]

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. [David Tyson Gentry]

I can not be your friend and your flatterer too.  [English Proverb]

To be wise and love Exceeds man's might; that dwells with the gods above. [William Shakespeare]

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. [Stephen Leacock]

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other every where. [Tim McGraw]

Everyone hears to what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

I lean on you and you lean on me and we will be okay. [Dave Mathews Band]

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.

If you live to be a hundred then I would live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. [Winnie the Pooh]

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend. [Stone Temple Pilots]

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Education isn't filling a pail, it's lighting a fire!

The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well.

Use the talents you possess: for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except for the best.

The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. [Rod Steiger]

I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. [Fritz Perls]

Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue; extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. [Attributed to Cicero, Roman statesman]

Only tears cleanse the heart.

Faith is not knowledge of what the mystery of the universe is, but the conviction that there is a mystery, and that it is greater than us. [RD]

Assume any career moves you make won't go smoothly. They won't. But don't look back. [Chairman, Intel Corp.]

The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.

The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is.

An army of deer would be more formidable commanded by a lion, than an army of lions commanded by a deer.

That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way.

Wisdom begins in wonder. [Socrates]

Dost thou love life then do not squander time; for that is the stuff life is made of. [Benjamin Franklin]

Nothing has turned out as we expected! It never does. Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we get and are thankful it's no worse than it is. [Gone With the Wind]

I can only show you the door Neo. You have to walk through it. [Morpheus, The Matrix]

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. [RD]

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness. [Aristotle]

Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education. [Bertrand Russell]

The beginning of wisdom is the realization of one's own ignorance. [Plato]

I think, therefore I am. [Rene Descartes]

Hope is a gift we give ourselves, and it remains when all else is gone.

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world. [Helen Keller]

The very substance of the ambitions is merely the shadow of a dream. [Shakespeare]

The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.

When all else is lost, the future still remains.

If I am not for myself, who will be ? If I am only for myself, what am I ?

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Life never gives you a second chance.

People will never know how long it takes you to do something. They will only know how well it is done.

Equality exists only among equals.

COOL THOUGHTS

Gravity is a myth ... earth sucks.

There are only 10 types of people in the world : those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.  [Russell Baker]

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought.

Every man dies. Not every man lives. [Tim Robbins]

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.

A good idea will keep you awake during the morning, but a great idea will keep you awake during the night.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, ... and the second half by our children.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. [Albert Einstein]

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work. Practice is when something works, but you don't know why. Programmers combine theory and practice : nothing works and they don't know why.

If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? [Albert Einstein]

It takes 20 years to make an overnight success.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home. [David Frost]

You know nothing for sure . . . except the fact that you know nothing for sure. [JFK]

I haven't failed. I've found 10,000 ways that won't work. [Benjamin Franklin]

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. [Nanette Newman]

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters . . . it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Any technology, suitably advanced and refined, is indistinguishable from magic. [Arthur C. Clarke]

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. [George Bernard Shaw]

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions .

Three people can keep a secret . . . only if two of them are dead. [Benjamin Franklin]

THOUGHTS ON LIFE

The best things in life aren't things.

It's the little things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it's the little differences that make them interesting.

We come. We go. And in between we try to understand.

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

Life is a continuum of choices ... You make them or someone makes them for you ... either way, that's your choice.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Life goes on . . . now is already then.

Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. [Vince Lombardi]

You will be remembered for two things in life, the problems you solve & the ones you create. [RD]

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. [Robert Frost]

Life is hard. It's breathe, breathe, breathe, all the time. [RD]

Every man should marry . . . After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Invest yourself in everything in life, there is fun in being serious.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Everyone is unique . . . just like everyone else.

Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honoring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities.

To find a friend close one eye; to keep him two. [RD]

In the long run . . . we are all . . . dead. [Some economist]

If you smile when no one else is around, . . . you really mean it. [RD]