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15 Marriage

15.1 Arguments

Hashem has prepared the remedy even before the sickness. Resolving arguments is based on persistence, but not in dialog; rather persistence in giving the spouse hugs until she accepts.

15.2 Purpose

The Jewish community must make an extraordinary effort to facilitate the marriages of their youth. Current approaches of separating singles due to concern of improper relationships have disabled matches, often leading to intermarriage due to dating between singles who do meet. Shabbat services have become a weekly Russian roulette game where the chance of singles having a chance to talk at a kiddush, let alone during a service could take months to occur. The men/women separation barrier, the mechitzah, only obscures singles from knowing who might be available, let alone giving them a chance to sit close by so that they might say hello.

As difficult is it to create a match as the creation of the world. So many factors come into play in being able to arrange a successful match that after an Egyptian slave owner asked what has Hashem been doing since the creation of the world, the answer given to her, is making marriages. So many have given up on finding a Jewish spouse; yet, a person may wake up one day especially after being intermarried realizing:[1367]

Text ‎15-1: Rabbi Yehuda Aryeh Leib of Ger
You can be in exile in your own house when you realize that you are not really home.

Being able to preserve identity in marriage prevents resentment, as spouses actualize each other. Religious people actualize each other. Secular people do not impose religion on each other. For each there is a counterpart. Abraham Abulafia sums up the mystical purpose of marriage:[1368]

Text ‎15-2: Abraham Abulafia on Marriage
The purpose of marriage of man and woman is none other than their union, and the purpose of union is impregnation, and the purpose of impregnation is [bearing] offspring, and the purpose of [offspring] is study [i.e., of Torah by the child born], and the purpose of that is apprehension [of the Divine], whose purpose is the continuing maintaining of the one apprehending with pleasure gained from his apprehension.[1369]

The first marriage that a man has is according to his Mazel in heaven. The second marriage is determined according to his qualities as it says in Sotah, “Hashem matches up two people according to the goodness of the husband.” A voice goes out from heaven, “who a man’s wife will be, whose house he will have, and where will be his field.” On the day of his marriage a bridegroom is pardoned for all of his sins.

A husband must strive to be a ‘mench’. To do this he must be willing to suppress his own ego for the sake of his wife. If ones spouse criticizes, one does not counter. As Hashem was willing to permit His Name to be destroyed in the test of adultery for the sake of marriage, so a husband may suppress his ego in such disputes. Yet we are in this world to grow close to G-d so one should marry a person who is on the same path.

‘How to be a mench towards ones wife and also a practicing Jew’ is sometimes a problem?[1370] Even to pray with a minyan (quorum) morning and evening can take time from ones wife especially if the work schedule is demanding. Yet, a husband should focus on his marriage with highest priority especially the first year when both are learning about each other. A wife should encourage her husband to attend synagogue to pray for the family.

A husband should consult his wife before making a decision. This will encourage her personal expression and self-esteem. This will help a husband repair damage done by criticism. A wife wants to be looked upon well in her husband’s eyes. She seeks his approval as he seeks approval in the eyes of G-d. Attention and affection is the role of a husband towards his wife.[1371] When one wishes to leave the house he should ask permission of his wife. This adds to her sense of importance. It is good to sleep in the same room as one’s wife.[1372] A husband should always place the performance of a mitzvah above selfish indulgence even for the whole family and his wife will come to love him.

It is a mitzvah to marry the daughter of one’s sister. Because children tend to resemble a wife’s brother, there will be natural affection between uncle and niece or between cousins. Hashem answered the prayers of man and permitted this union.[1373] A woman should try to be found, should try to marry her soul mate, and should try to have her first child before the age of 30. We are commanded to guard our health. Bearing a first child earlier in life is important in this regard.[1374] A woman must be open to the possibility that an uncle or even a cousin could be her soul mate.

A Kohen may not marry a divorcee, a profaned woman, or a woman who has slept with non-Jews. A profaned woman is someone who was molested or raped. In Hebrew, the term zona refers to a woman who has slept with non-Jews, i.e. someone she could not marry. The term qedesha refers to a harlot, which is a different category entirely. While these rules only apply to the Kohenim, one should consider that the Torah is teaching that certain circumstances may make a woman a greater risk to the functions that a priest must perform for the nation of Israel. From the Oral Law we learn that a convert to Judaism after the age of three is classified as a zona because of the moral standards that the person may have been exposed to.[1375] For example, a convert may have grown up in a house where homosexuality was completely acceptable. Her marriage to a Jewish person may preserve this tolerance affecting her spouse. Yet, a Kohen may marry the daughter of a proselyte, so we know that the children are not affected by these values. A Kohen is prohibited from marrying a convert to avoid such situations, which could become scandalous in the nation of Israel. If a Kohen marries a prohibited woman and has children they are categorized as hallalim, which essentially means disgraced children. They are not however in the category of mamzirim who are children of an adulterous women, i.e. a woman who is married to a different Jewish man.

Text ‎15-3: A Truer Explanation One will never Find
A truer explanation you will never find,
I hate the abominations although the people are all fine.
G-d bless the Holy Lord, G-d bless the Holy Lord

One can hate the abomination and not the sinner. This is the truer explanation. Although homosexuality is an abomination, one does not persecute homosexuals and one does not accept abomination. L’havdil, G-d gave us the Holy Name so that we may be a holy people. This means that we separate ourselves from the perversions of society and cling fast unto G-d. The truer explanation is that there is only one G-d without division or multiple personalities or persons; and G-d gave us the Holy Name so that we may attach to Him.[1376] On Aaron’s mitre that is his headdress is inscribed the words Holy to the Lord – קדוש ליהוה and here we ask G-d to bless the name Holy Lord – יהוה קדוש so that we can attach to Him. Similarly the phrase, haKodesh Baruch Hu – the Holy One Blessed Be He – הקדוש ברוך הוא sanctifies His Name.

Text ‎15-4: Midrash Rabbah Genesis 22:2
In the past, Adam was created from the ground, and Eve from Adam; but henceforth it shall be, “In our image, after our likeness” (Gen. I, 26): neither man without woman nor woman without man, nor the two of them without Divine Presence.[1377]

Upon entering marriage, a Jewish husband is required by law to provide shelter, food, clothing, and conjugal rights to his wife. Essentially a husband is required to love his wife. Most Jewish women are not aware that upon marriage they do not have the right to divorce their husband. The reason here is complex, but basically a husband acquires a wife in the sense of property that he is responsible to maintain. Only he can discard his wife. Where one partner appreciates Torah and the other doesn’t divorce is likely. A converted woman may discard her husband because her culture doesn’t appreciate Jewish frugality or tolerate “tough love” for self-improvement. A profaned woman will make a husband’s life very difficult without him understanding. A divorcee may bear similar psychological baggage that could affect a Kohen. Perhaps, there are foreign women who are very religious, who would not have the values or circumstances of a zona, but are still under this category by being a convert. This was the case of Ruth, the Moabite. From here we learn that being a convert is not a negative, for the proper quality of pride, not arrogance, is often missing in the house of Israel and periodically reenters from converts. Ruth was exceptional in her unselfishness towards her mother. This she learned from the grace of growing up a princess, daughter of the king of the Moabites.

Dearest to God is the Ger Tzedek - True Convert.  Had the Israelites not witnessed the lightning, thunder, quaking mountain, and sounding trumpets, they would not have accepted the Torah.  However, the convert, who did not see or hear any of these things, came and surrendered herself to G-d. The Chofetz Chayim is the author of the Mishnah Berurah – Clear Teaching, which is a commentary on the Shulhan Aruch – The Set Table, the consolidated book of Jewish laws. Before he was able to write the Mishnah Berurah, the Chofetz Chayim took a wife:

Text ‎15-5: Chofetz Chayim takes a Wife
The Chofetz Chayim’s father died when he was still a boy and his mother remarried. When it came time for the Chofetz Chayim to take a wife, his father-in-law mentioned to his mother that he would like the Chofetz for his daughter. Now this daughter was already 10 years older than the Chofetz Chayim who was only 16 and the mother didn’t know what to do. She knew her son could marry anyone from all the greatest families and this daughter didn’t have the same background. So she mentioned it to her son that “He wants you to marry his daughter.”

The Chofetz Chayim could see the struggle on his mother’s face and no sooner had she mentioned it that he agreed with the match. His brothers all tried to dissuade him from the decision, but he remained firm.

When the Chofetz Chayim married this lady, he was not yet distinguished. Years later he published all of his great books and became known as the great Chofetz Chayim. When asked what did he attribute his success to? He told this story, and said that because he listened carefully to his mother, to her feelings, and chose this match, that everything he achieved was due to this decision.

The Sayings of the Fathers provides guidance on where to live:

Text ‎15-6: Perkei Avot 6:10
R. Jose B. Kisma said: once I was walking by the way when a man met me, and gave me [the salutation of] 'peace', and I returned him [the salutation of] peace'. Said he to me, Rabbi, from what place art thou?' said I to him, 'from a great city of sages and scribes am I.' Said he to me, 'Rabbi, [should it be] thy pleasure that thou dwell with us in our place, I will give thee a thousand thousand denarii of gold, and precious stones and pearls.' said I to him: 'If thou shouldst give me all the silver and gold, precious stones and pearls that are in the world, I would not dwell [anywhere] excepting in a place of Torah; for in the hour of the departure of a man [from the world], there accompany him neither gold nor silver, nor precious stones nor pearls, but Torah and good deeds alone, as it is said, WHEN THOU WALKEST, IT SHALL LEAD THEE, WHEN THOU LIEST DOWN, IT SHALL WATCH OVER THEE; AND WHEN THOU WAKEST, IT SHALL TALK WITH THEE. WHEN THOU WALKEST, IT SHALL LEAD THEE - in this world,[1378] WHEN THOU LIEST DOWN, IT SHALL WATCH OVER THEE - in the grave,[1379] AND WHEN THOU WAKEST, IT SHALL TALK WITH THEE - in the world to come;[1380] and thus it is written in the book of psalms by David, King of Israel, THE LAW OF THY MOUTH IS BETTER UNTO ME THAN THOUSANDS OF GOLD AND SILVER, and it says [also]: MINE IS THE SILVER, AND MINE THE GOLD, SAITH THE LORD OF HOSTS.

Malachi discusses the consequence of marrying out of the religion, abandoning ones spouse and having spiritual kin.[1381]

Text ‎15-7: Malachi on Marriage, Abandonment, and Spiritual Kin
11. Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the holiness of the Lord which he loved, and has married the daughter of a foreign god.
12. The Lord will cut off all living offspring from the tents of Jacob, from the man who does this, and from him who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts.
13. And this again you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping, and with sighing, because he will not regard the offering any more, nor receive it with good will from your hand.
14. And you say, Why is this so? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant.
15. And did not God make of you one flesh? So that one should have a spiritual kin? And what does that one flesh seek? A godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not be faithless to the wife of your youth.
16. For to send her away is hateful, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts; therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not be faithless.

A better translation of Malachi 2:15 is: “Zera Elohim vNishmartem Bruachhem” – “godly seed and guard their spirits”. Hence, a man should marry his soul mate early in life, never postponing marriage for a career.

15.3 Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriages can be superior to finding ones own soul mate in many cases. Parents are less likely to be blinded to a potential matches’ (shiduch’s) family background, than one in the relationship. Ironically, even if both people are a match in every other way, family background indicates the likely degree of stability and commitment through the rolling waves that accompany every marriage. “For Rav punished any man who betrothed [a woman] in a market place, or by intercourse, or without [previous] shiddukin”[1382] Rav considered negotiations preliminary to betrothal essential for marriage. The Shulchan Aruch confirms this position as the oral law in Even ha-Ezer 26:4.[1383]

15.4 Finding ones Soul Mate


This is the prayer to find ones soul mate[1384] – נפש תאומה as would be offered according to Rabbi Meir Baal HaNess.[1385]
Text ‎15-8: Sota 2a
Forty days before a person is conceived into this world, the Daughter’s Voice[1386] goes out and proclaims, the daughter of this man is destined to marry this man, the house in this place - is destined for their home, and this field (livelihood / business / profession) is destined for this person.

ארבעים יום קודם יצירת הולד בת קול יוצאת ואומרת
בת פלוני לפלוני בית פלוני לפלוני שדה פלוני לפלוני

This prayer is efficacious. And why is the house and field mentioned afterwards? This is to teach us that after a man marries, the (root) soul of his wife will determine his wealth. This can work in two ways. A wife can increase a man’s wealth through wise investment or decrease it by being a spendthrift – פזרן or diminishing his investment prowess. The way a husband treats his wife will also influence these matters.

Psalms that are efficacious are discussed in ‎13.2.2 Marriage Psalms on p.496. Talmud Tractate Kiddushin (Holiness – commandments on marriage) is beneficial for finding a wife while Beitzim (Eggs – commandments on holidays) is beneficial for having children.

Text ‎15-9: Searching and finding ones soul-mate
Like a wave that breaks along the warm sand of the beach and knows why it has traveled thousands of miles.

15.5 Zivugim


Hashem sends each of us the partner (zivug) of the ‘Fundamental Soul’ when we are quite young, age 18-25.[1387] If the match should fail than there are secondary arrangements for those lost souls needing to be paired up. The Ribono Shalom orchestrates these, but there is a catch, Hashem never tells anyone who his or her soul mate is at the time one meets the person! This is always a matter of free choice! There is a good reason that it is never revealed, because we must show a faith to marry the right partner, not unlike our faith in G-d. Sometimes even the yetzer hara – bad inclination, or a satan – an adversary, will tell a person that their soul mate is not such and such to harden their heart so that they must prove their faith further. Years later, one may recognize that one had a soul mate opportunity.

Nevertheless, one should not marry on faith but on facts. The key is that when the facts are good, then one should have faith that Hashem will bless the marriage. Good facts could be different for different people. Overall, when two people can talk and listen, and they are attracted to each other and they value the same goals, and respect each other’s interests, and would be capable of having children together, and they are of the same faith and similar family background that helps. The Talmud says a very tall person should marry a short person, so some opposite qualities are ok too, but an old man should not marry a young lass (40 yrs apart). Yet, I have come to realize that we often cannot recognize a zivug until that person is lost; this is part of the test of faith.

15.6 Alternative Zivugim

I wish to explain why Hashem’s justice does not punish a failed Zivug with indefinite reincarnation until one eventually marries his or her Zivug. The concept of Gigal - transmigration of the soul and Zivugim are not so easily interrelated.  Each person consists of a multiplicity of souls.  The purpose, similar to Klal Israel, is that different souls help each grow in a unique way when they are bound together in one body.
jkm48.png 
Hence the Zivug potential of an age ~18-25 male and a ~16-23 female would be that of the 'Fundamental Soul'.  If this match should fail, one might even attain a higher Zivug; for example, that of the 'Lofty Soul' or that of the 'Extra Good Soul' and experience an even greater bliss in life if one should marry. Of course, degradation in behavior could lead to the converse.[1388]

All of this depends on ones merits.  If a Zivug of the Fundamental Soul fails, and both marry other souls, but live very Righteous lives—they may not need to be reborn, but instead can merit Olam Habah and even be True Soul mates in a world of resurrection.

15.7 Between nose and lip


A wise woman taught me that when we are in the womb, G-d kisses a place between the nose and lips and we forget everything that we are taught about our coming life, but the talents that G-d has given us are meant to be used even if they help us remember what we have forgotten. This woman learned to ‘break her shell’ and see herself as a free soul completely naked in the world and clean. She could see the motion of the wind.[1389] She taught me that Koach – כוח is 34 in gematria that is Lamed Dalet whose opposite is DaL (dull). Most of all she taught me to daven with a higher goal. Making agreements with Hashem increases the likelihood of fruition. She told me a man must seek his Zivug because he has a mitzvah to fulfill. She said that we must learn to keep our word as truth.[1390] She said that Hava tricked Adam, but that this breakup was necessary for them to come closer together. She said she hears in the kitchen[1391] that with every Zivug there is a breakup that binds them.

The secret of Adam’s sin and the expulsion from the Garden of Eden is actually the reformation of the Zivug of Adam Kadmon and Hashem. As in Shir haShirim, the Shechinah is drawn back to Hashem, the lovers reunite though they were parted. So it is with primordial man of which all of our souls consist, that we are broken up so that we can become a Zivug again. “There is a strawberry floating on a cake and if we only want the strawberry, we cannot have the cake.” The cake is the mitzvot and marriage in this world, but with the cake comes the icing and the strawberry. Kabbalah is the icing, but we only need the cake.

One may meditate on the sefirot by manifesting them, for to live the quality of a sefira is to do mitzvot, a worthy endeavor. 

15.8 Fertility

The chance of natural pregnancy going to fruition can be approximated in the table below. These represent the chances for someone trying to have a child and who has had a child before. The numbers are lower for attempting a first child:

Table ‎15-1: Yearly Natural Pregnancy Chances for a Live Birth

Age
30
35
40
Pregnancy %
75%
66%
44%
Miscarriage %
10%
20%
40%
Live Birth %
68%
53%
26%

The average age of last birth for a woman attempting natural pregnancy is 40.9 yrs.[1392] With ART, the possible age is about the same.[1393]

Figure ‎15-1: Over 40 Last Chance Pregnancy successes with ART

jkm49.png

Text ‎15-10: Pregnancy vs. Birth Rate

Women's fertility peaks in their early twenties, and often deteriorates after 30. Of women trying to get pregnant, without using fertility drugs or in vitro fertilization:[1394]

At age 30, 75% will get pregnant within one year, and 91% within four years.
At age 35, 66% will get pregnant within one year, and 84% within four years.
At age 40, 44% will get pregnant within one year, and 64% within four years.[1395]
Those figures are for conception, not for the birth of a healthy baby. According to the March of Dimes, "about 9 percent of recognized pregnancies for women aged 20 to 24 ended in miscarriage. The risk rose to about 20 percent at age 35 to 39, and more than 50 percent by age 42."

For a man who has the commandment to be fruitful and multiply, the woman he marries would have fertile eggs. Yet, there is also the principle of companionship as a basis for marriage. The fertility of eggs can be seen in Figure ‎1[1396].1396 The chart assumes an ideal selection of eggs before transferring. In addition, miscarriage rate increases with age although this can also be related to chromosomal damage in the egg preventing its development from going to fruition.

Figure ‎15-2: Live Births: Fresh Embryos vs. Donor Eggs

jkm50.png

Figure ‎15-3: Miscarriage Rates with ART for Non donor Embryos

jkm51.png

The most common reason for infertile eggs is chromosomal damage. Ironically, miscarriages weed most of these problems out except for Down’s syndrome. Nevertheless, it is not illogical to posit that some subtle damage might exist contributing to a genetic illness that is not hereditary, based on these odds:[1397]

Table ‎15-2: Maternal Age vs. Chromosomal Abnormality Risk

Maternal Age
Risk of Chromosomal
Abnormalities
20
1/526
25
1/476
30
1/385
35
1/192
40
1/66
41
1/53
42
1/42
43
1/33
44
1/26
45
1/21

The increase in chromosomal abnormality coincides with phenotypical changes with age. These include the graying of hair, wrinkling of skin, and age related loss of hair in men. Age is a product of chromosomal damage. Antioxidants will slow the rate of this change such as glutathione (GSH) and Vitamin E and Selenium.

Text ‎15-11: Assisted Reproductive Technology birth rates per year
Per year, birth rates resulting from embryo transfer using women's own eggs are about:
35% for women age 34 and younger.
28% for women age 35 to 37.
20% for women age 38 to 40.
10% for women age 41 to 42.
4% for women 43 and older.
Pregnancy history. A woman who has already had a live birth is more likely to have a successful ART procedure than a woman who hasn't given birth before. This "previous birth advantage" gradually narrows as women age from their early 30s to their 40s.[1398]


The following summary shows the chance of having a successful birth with multiple selected embryos implanted vs. a single embryo implanted:[1399] Yet, the higher incidence of illness in twin situations makes this approach undesirable.

Text ‎15-12: 2004 Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) Report Chance per Implantation
Age <21, Pregnancy rate 41.7%, Live birth rate 37.5%, Singleton live birth rate 20.8%
Age 21, Pregnancy rate 38.2%, Live birth rate 32.7%, Singleton live birth rate 23.6%
Age 22, Pregnancy rate 35.2%, Live birth rate 32.0%, Singleton live birth rate 18.8%
Age 23, Pregnancy rate 40.7%, Live birth rate 35.7%, Singleton live birth rate 24.1%
Age 24, Pregnancy rate 41.4%, Live birth rate 35.5%, Singleton live birth rate 20.8%
Age 25, Pregnancy rate 44.4%, Live birth rate 39.5%, Singleton live birth rate 23.3%
Age 26, Pregnancy rate 43.6%, Live birth rate 38.5%, Singleton live birth rate 23.7%
Age 27, Pregnancy rate 45.2%, Live birth rate 39.8%, Singleton live birth rate 24.8%
Age 28, Pregnancy rate 44.4%, Live birth rate 39.1%, Singleton live birth rate 24.7%
Age 29, Pregnancy rate 43.1%, Live birth rate 37.9%, Singleton live birth rate 23.1%
Age 30, Pregnancy rate 44.5%, Live birth rate 38.6%, Singleton live birth rate 24.1%
Age 31, Pregnancy rate 43.9%, Live birth rate 38.2%, Singleton live birth rate 25.0%
Age 32, Pregnancy rate 42.2%, Live birth rate 36.6%, Singleton live birth rate 23.6%
Age 33, Pregnancy rate 40.6%, Live birth rate 34.8%, Singleton live birth rate 22.5%
Age 34, Pregnancy rate 40.8%, Live birth rate 34.8%, Singleton live birth rate 22.9%
Age 35, Pregnancy rate 38.2%, Live birth rate 32.2%, Singleton live birth rate 21.5%
Age 36, Pregnancy rate 35.3%, Live birth rate 29.1%, Singleton live birth rate 19.8%
Age 37, Pregnancy rate 32.5%, Live birth rate 26.4%, Singleton live birth rate 18.7%
Age 38, Pregnancy rate 29.9%, Live birth rate 23.2%, Singleton live birth rate 17.0%
Age 39, Pregnancy rate 26.2%, Live birth rate 19.0%, Singleton live birth rate 14.5%
Age 40, Pregnancy rate 23.0%, Live birth rate 16.1%, Singleton live birth rate 12.3%
Age 41, Pregnancy rate 19.2%, Live birth rate 12.5%, Singleton live birth rate 10.2%
Age 42, Pregnancy rate 14.8%, Live birth rate 8.4%, Singleton live birth rate 7.2%
Age 43, Pregnancy rate 10.8%, Live birth rate 5.5%, Singleton live birth rate 5.1%
Age 44, Pregnancy rate 7.4%, Live birth rate 3.3%, Singleton live birth rate 3.0%
Age 45, Pregnancy rate 4.3%, Live birth rate 1.2%, Singleton live birth rate 1.2%
Age 46, Pregnancy rate 2.6%, Live birth rate 0%, Singleton live birth rate 0%
Age 47, Pregnancy rate 3.3%, Live birth rate 0%, Singleton live birth rate 0%
Age 48, Pregnancy rate 2.6%, Live birth rate 0%, Singleton live birth rate 0%
Age >48, Pregnancy rate 5.6%, Live birth rate 2.8%, Singleton live birth rate 0%

The advantageous times for trying to create a pregnancy are as follows:

Table ‎15-3: Conception Probabilities
Day
Probability of Conception
0
0%
1
13%
2
13%
3
28%
4
26%
Ovulation Day
5%

Sperm can survive for five days in the female reproductive track, although two days is more common. An egg is viable for 12 to 24 hours. The probability of conception is cumulative so an 85% chance can be achieved.[1400]

Based on keeping the laws of Taharas Hasmishpacha, the fertility cycle works out as follows:

Table ‎15-4: Taharas Hasmishpacha Fertility (28 Day Cycle)
Day
Comments
Probability of Conception
1
Period begins
0%
2
Menstruation
0%
3
Menstruation
0%
4
Menstruation
0%
5
Usually period ends
0%
6
dry day[1401]
0%
7
dry day
0%
8
Biblical week ends: dry day
~0%
9+
dry day
~0%
10+
Fertile day
13% or 0%
11+
Fertile day
13% or 0%
12+
Rabbinical week of seven clean days ends; mikvah
28% or 13%
13+
Fertile day (Temperature drops immediately before ovulation)
26% or 13%
14+
Ovulation day (BBT and progesterone increases[1402])
5% or 28%
15+
wet day (Warm day)
~0% or 26%
16+
wet day (Warm day)
~0% or 5%
17+
wettest day (Warm day)
~0%
18-
wet day
0%
19-
wet day
0%
20-
wet day (BBT can drop right before implantation)
0%
21-
Egg Implantation possible (hCG production[1403])
0%
22-
dry day
0%
23-
dry day
0%
24-
dry day
0%
25-
dry day
0%
26-
Pregnancy test reliable;[1404] dry day
0%
27-
dry day
0%
28-
dry day – end of cycle
0%
29
New cycle – end of cycle
0%
33
No period? Maybe you’re pregnant!
0%

Approximate due date 9 months


Table ‎15-5: Taharas Hasmishpacha Fertility (30 Day Cycle)
Day
Comments
Probability of Conception
1
Period begins
0%
2
Menstruation
0%
3
Menstruation
0%
4
Menstruation
0%
5
Usually period ends
0%
6
dry day[1405]
0%
7
dry day
0%
8
Biblical week ends: dry day
~0%
9+
dry day
~0%
10+
Fertile day
13% or 0%
11+
Fertile day
13% or 0%
12+
Rabbinical week of seven clean days ends; mikvah
28% or 13%
13+
Fertile day (Temperature drops immediately before ovulation)
26% or 13%
14+
Ovulation day (BBT and progesterone increases[1406])
5% or 28%
15+
wet day (Warm day)
~0% or 26%
16+
wet day (Warm day)
~0% or 5%
17+
wettest day (Warm day)
~0%
18-
wet day
0%
19-
wet day
0%
20-
wet day (BBT can drop right before implantation)
0%
21-
Egg Implantation possible (hCG production[1407])
0%
22-
dry day
0%
23-
dry day
0%
24-
dry day
0%
25-
dry day
0%
26-
Pregnancy test reliable;[1408] dry day
0%
27-
dry day
0%
28-
dry day – end of cycle
0%
29
New cycle – end of cycle
0%
33
No period? Maybe you’re pregnant!
0%

Approximate due date 9 months


Pregnancy testing works 6-10 days after ovulation.[1409] Progesterone production continues and is the main contributor to pregnancy symptoms.[1410]
Figure ‎15-4: Progesterone Levels in Pregnancy vs. Menstruation
jkm52.jpg

The luteal phase of the menstrual cycle follows ovulation. This two-week period is called the luteal phase because of the dominant role played by the corpus luteum, which is nothing other than the collapsed follicle from which the egg issued forth. The corpus luteum pumps out the hormone progesterone which "heats up" the body and womb in preparation for pregnancy. After the ovarian follicle releases its ovum – egg, the surrounding cells in the ovary form the corpus luteum, which can be a few centimeters in size, much larger than the egg. If pregnancy does not occur, the cells of the corpus luteum get reincorporated into the ovary.

15.9 Marriage formulas


15.9.1 Ceremony

The following formulas may enact a marriage, thus requiring a Get – divorce document, if the man says it with intention and the woman receives an item with understanding. Consequently, the observant orthodox, avoid the custom of giving an engagement ring which may invoke a marriage. In addition, gifts color judgment and when selecting a spouse, one ought to decide based on unbiased reason. Similarly a judge is prohibited from accepting gifts. A wise man will not receive gifts from a woman before marriage and a wise woman will not accept an article gift – מתנה, before marriage. Deeds of loving-kindness such as prepared food do not count and entertainment is not included.

Text ‎15-13: Marriage Formulas
Harei at m'kudeshet li – Behold, you are sanctified to me (groom gives an item of value to the lady)
Hareni mekudeshet lecha – Behold I am sanctified to you (wife says to groom)
Harei, ani muchana v'mezumenet l'kabel et ha'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael – Behold, I am prepared and declared to receive this sign according to the law of Moshe and Israel.

15.9.2 Ketubah

The ketubah – writing, is a document that proves the existence of a Jewish marriage. A kinyan must be established which is a witnessed payment with a token by a man to a woman. The written document describes where this took place and what each brings into the marriage. The ketubah is important to ones children to serve as evidence of their lineage and identity. A few of the key versions include Giorta – for a sojourner, Betulah – for virgin, Armalta – for a widow, or Matarakhta – for a divorcee.

Figure ‎15-5: Betulah Ketubah from Kolemea, Ukraine 1911
jkm53.png

Filled in items of this ketubah in italics by line number mean:[1411]
1. In the first day of the week in the 19th of the month of Adar five thousand
2. six hundred and seventy one (echat) years from the creation of the world ...
3. Or Kolemea – (light of Kolemea) at the place 205 Petroho


Here is the structure of the translation:[1412]
On the ______day of the week, the _________day of the month ______ in the year five thousand seven hundred and ______ since the creation of the world, the era according to which we reckon here in the city of _________________ that ________ son of _________ said to this (virgin) _________daughter of _____. "Be my wife according to the practice of Moses and Israel, and I will cherish, honor, support and maintain you in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands who cherish, honor, support and maintain their wives faithfully. And I here present you with the marriage gift of (virgins), (two hundred) silver zuzim, which belongs to you, according the the law of Moses and Israel; and I will also give you your food, clothing and necessities, and live with you as husband and wife according to universal custom." And Miss_____, this (virgin) consented and became his wife. The trousseau that she brought to him from her (father's) house in silver, gold, valuables, clothing, furniture and bedclothes, all this ________, the said bridegroom accepted in the sum of (one hundred ) silver pieces, and ______ the bridegroom, consented to increase this amount from his own property with the sum of (one hundred) silver pieces, making in all (two hundred) silver pieces. And thus said __________, the bridegroom: "The responsibility of this marriage contract, of this trousseau, and of this additional sum, I take upon myself and my heirs after me, so that they shall be paid from the best part of my property and possession that I have beneath the whole heaven, that which I now possess or may hereafter acquire. All my property, real and personal, even the shirt from my back, shall be mortgaged to secure the payment of this marriage contract, of the trousseau, and of the addition made to it, during my lifetime and after my death, from the present day and forever." _______, the bridegroom, has taken upon himself the responsibility of this marriage contract, of the trousseau and the addition made to it, according to the restrictive usages of all marriage contracts and the additions to them made for the daughters of Israel, according to the institution of our sages of blessed memory. It is not to be regarded as a mere forfeiture without consideration or as a mere formula of a document. We have followed the legal formality of symbolic delivery (kinyan) between ______the son of _______, the bridegroom and _______ the daughter of _______ this (virgin), and we have used a garment legally fit for the purpose, to strengthen all that is stated above, and everything is valid and confirmed.

Attested to________________________ Witness
Attested to________________________ Witness

Text ‎15-14: Purpose
The Ketubah's purpose[1413]

At about 2000 years of age, the ketubah is certainly among the first documents conferring legal status and financial rights to women. Some people are surprised to learn that the traditional Ketuba is not a romantic document about the love between man and woman or the establishment of a Jewish home and future family.

What the katubah does include is the date and place of the marriage, the names of the bride and groom (and their father's names) and the bridal price (two hundred silver zuzim). It then enumerates the trousseau brought to the marriage by the woman which the groom agrees to match as the additional sum. The groom agrees that "all my property, real and personal, even the shirt from my back, shall be mortgaged to secure the payment of this marriage contract, of the trousseau, and the addition made to it, during my lifetime and after my death...". The signatures of two non-related witnesses validate the Jewish marriage contract.


15.10 Conversion

15.10.1 Seven Nations

Intermarriage is prohibited with someone from the seven nations described below. The general principle is that one does not intermarry with indigenous people in a new land, but one seeks to marry from ones own people.

You can be in exile in your own house, when you realize that you are not really home.

The source text is Deuteronomy 7:1-4. Nevertheless, Rashi distinguishes the status of the child of an intermarried son vs. daughter from 7:4. The word turn is in third person male but the pronoun is implied; yet the object is “your son” and not “grandson” as Rashi brings, but the Talmudic source is compelling. The intention of the Tanach is that the non-Jewish woman will turn away a man from the Torah. Yet, the non-Jewish man would not have the same effect on a Jewish woman and that is why the same explanation is not offered for verse 7:3.

Text ‎15-15: Deuteronomy 7:1-26
1. When the Lord your God shall bring you into the land which you are entering to possess, and has cast out many nations before you, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than you;

The commandment applies at this time, based on the idolatry of these nations. Future times might be inferred for similar idolatry.

2. And when the Lord your God shall deliver them before you; you shall strike them, and completely destroy them; you shall make no covenant with them, nor show mercy to them;
3. And you shall not make marriages with them; your daughter you shall not give to his son, and his daughter you shall not take to your son.
4. For (he) will turn away your son from following me, and they will serve other gods; so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy you speedily.


Rashi on Deut 7:4

For he will turn away your son from following Me i.e., the heathen’s son, if he marries your daughter, will turn away your [grand]son whom your daughter will bear to him, from following Me. This teaches us that your daughter’s son, born of a heathen man, is called “your son,” but your son’s son, born of a heathen woman, is not called “your son,” but “her son.” For Scripture [first says, “Do not give your daughter to his son, and do not take his daughter for your son.” Then it follows with “For he will turn away your son....” However], referring to “do not take his daughter,” it does not say, “For she will turn away your son...” [because he is considered her son, not yours (Kid. 68b)].

Yet, the son of Ruth is called the son of Naomi![1414] And if one would say that Ruth is converted than why refer to her son as a “son born to Naomi”.

Kiddushin 68a-68b

AND WHATEVER [WOMAN] WHO CANNOT CONTRACT KIDDUSHIN etc. How do we know [it of] a Canaanitish bondmaid? (Kiddushin is invalid) — Said R. Huna, Scripture saith, Abide ye here with [‘im] the ass (Gen 22:5) — it is a people [‘am] like unto an ass. We have thus found that kiddushin with her is invalid: how do we know that the issue takes her status? — Because Scripture saith, the wife and her children shall be her master's. (1) How do we know [it of a freeborn] Gentile woman? — Scripture saith, neither shalt thou make marriages with them. (2) How do we know that her issue bears her status? — R. Johanan said on the authority of R. Simeon b. Yohai, Because Scripture saith, For he will turn away thy son from following me:(3) thy son by(4) an Israelite woman is called ‘thy son’, but thy son by a heathen [woman] is not called thy son.(5) Rabina said: This proves that thy daughter's son by a heathen is called ‘thy son’.(6) Shall we say that Rabina holds that if a heathen or a [non-Jewish] slave cohabits with a Jewess the issue is mamzer?(7) — [No.] Granted that he is not [regarded as] fit,(8) he is not mamzer either, but merely stigmatized as unfit.(9)

Now, that [verse] refers to the seven nations!(10) whence do we know it of other nations? — Scripture saith, ‘For he will turn away [thy son],’ which includes all who may turn [him] away. That is well according to R. Simeon, who interprets the reason of Scripture.(11) But on the view of the Rabbis(12), what is the reason?(13) — Scripture saith, and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, [etc.], (14) whence it follows that before that kiddushin with her is invalid.

We have thus found that kiddushin with her is not recognized. How do we know that her child is as herself? — Scripture saith, If there be to a man [two wives] . . . and they bare to him [children]:(15) where we read ‘if there be’, (16) we also read: ‘and they bare to him’; (17) but where we do not read: ‘If there be’, we do not read: ‘and they bare to him’. If so, is not a [heathen] bondmaid likewise? — Yes, it is even thus. Then what is the purpose of ‘the wife and her children shall be her master's’? — For what was taught: If he says to his bondmaid, ‘Behold, thou art free, but thy child [yet to be born] shall be a slave,’ the ‘child is as herself: this is the view of R. Jose the Galilean; the Sages maintain: His words are valid, for it is said: ‘the wife and her children shall be her master's’. How does this teach it? — Said Raba: This refers to R. Jose the Galilean's [ruling].

____________________
(1) Ex. XXI, 4. This refers to a Gentile bondmaid given as wife to a Hebrew slave. The children remain slaves when their father is freed, showing that they bear their mother's status.
(2) Deut. VII, 3. The verse implies that such marriage is not recognized.
(3) Ibid. 4.
(4) Lit., ‘who comes’.
(5) [Although the text speaks both of the case of a Jewess becoming the wife of a heathen, and of a heathen becoming the wife of a Jew, yet it gives only one reason for the prohibition of intermarriage: viz., lest ‘he turn aside thy son from following after me’, a reason which, as it stands appears applicable only to one prohibition. Hence the verse must be taken not as expressing the fear lest the Jewish partner in a heathen marriage may turn aside from God, since this is evident and is equally applicable to both cases, but states an additional reason for the prohibition with reference to the offspring — the fear that the heathen father ‘will turn aside thy son’ i.e., the son of thy daughter who is legally a Jew ‘from following after me’; whereas in the case where a Jew marries a heathen woman the fear does not arise, since the child follows her status, and is not considered ‘thy son’ Rashi.] Tosaf.: Since Scripture states ‘son’ and not ‘seed’ which would include the son's son, it is evident that the fear is only for thy ‘son’ born of a Jewess, but not his son, born of a Gentile. That must be because his son is a heathen too, like the mother.
(6) [According to Rashi's interpretation (n. 5), whereas R. Johanan's main emphasis is on the heathen status of the offspring of a heathen woman by a Jew, Rabina stresses the other inference — the status of the offspring of a Jewish woman by a heathen. v. Strashun.] Tosaf. i.e., a Jew. This follows because Scripture does not say: for he will turn away thy son and thy daughter. Now, ‘and thy daughter’ would likewise imply, but not thy daughter's son, as in n. 5, whence we would learn that her son by a heathen is also a heathen. Since he is not excluded, it follows that Scripture objects to his being ‘turned away’ too, because he is a Jew (Tosaf.)
(7) For, since he is called ‘thy son’, he is a Jew, not a heathen. Yet he is the issue of a Jewess by one with whom kiddushin is not recognised, and therefore mamzer, in accordance with the Mishnah. — In that case his status is worse, for as a mamzer he can never marry a legitimately born Jewess (Deut. XXIII, 3), whereas as a Gentile he can become a proselyte and marry a Jewess.
(8) V. next note.
(9) Pasul. As such only a priestly marriage is barred to him.
(10) V. Deut. VII, 1, 2.
(11) In the sense that when we know the reason of a precept, we may extend it to all other cases where the same applies, and conversely, exclude those where it does not.[1415]
(12) Who oppose this.
(13) Seeing that for he will turn away too refers to the seven nations.
(14) Deut. XXI, 13. The verse refers to a woman captured in war; since the members of the seven nations were to be utterly exterminated, this must allude to a member of other nations, ‘After that’ means after her period of mourning. etc.
(15) Deut. XXI, 25. (???)
(16) I.e., kiddushin is valid; v. p. 343, n. 4. (???)
(17) The child takes his status.


Deuteronomy 7 (continued)

5. But thus shall you deal with them; you shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their Asherim, and burn their carved idols with fire.

From here, we know the qualities of the Seven Nations. Moreover, the commandment is to destroy their idolatry in addition to not marrying them if they still exist today.

6. For you are a holy people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you to be a special people to Himself, above all peoples that are upon the face of the earth.
7. The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were more in number than any people; for you were the fewest of all peoples;
8. But because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath that he had sworn to your fathers, has the Lord brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of slaves, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
9. Know therefore that the Lord your God, he is God, the faithful God, which keeps covenant and mercy with those who love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;
10. And repays those who hate him to their face, to destroy them; he will not be slack to him who hates him, he will repay him to his face.
11. You shall therefore keep the commandments, and the statutes, and the judgments, which I command you this day, to do them.
12. Therefore it shall come to pass, if you give heed to these judgments, and keep, and do them, that the Lord your God shall keep with you the covenant and the mercy which he swore to your fathers;
13. And he will love you, and bless you, and multiply you; he will also bless the fruit of your womb, and the fruit of your land, your grain, and your wine, and your oil, the produce of your cows, and the flocks of your sheep, in the land which he swore to your fathers to give you.
14. You shall be blessed above all people; there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.
15. And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which you know, upon you; but will lay them upon all those who hate you.
16. And you shall destroy all the people which the Lord your God shall deliver you; your eye shall have no pity upon them; neither shall you serve their gods; for that will be a snare to you.
17. If you shall say in your heart, These nations are more than I; how can I dispossess them?
18. You shall not be afraid of them; but shall well remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh, and to all Egypt;
19. The great trials which your eyes saw, and the signs, and the wonders, and the mighty hand, and the stretched out arm, whereby the Lord your God brought you out; so shall the Lord your God do to all the people of whom you are afraid.
20. Moreover the Lord your God will send the hornet among them, until those who are left, and hide themselves from you, are destroyed.
21. You shall not be frightened by them; for the Lord your God is among you, a mighty God and awesome.
22. And the Lord your God will clear away those nations before you, little by little; you may not destroy them at once, lest the beasts of the field grow numerous upon you.
23. But the Lord your God shall deliver them to you, and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until they are destroyed.
24. And he shall deliver their kings into your hand, and you shall destroy their name from under heaven; there shall no man be able to stand before you, until you have destroyed them.
25. The engraved images of their gods shall you burn with fire; you shall not desire the silver or gold that is on them, nor take it to you, lest you be snared there; for it is an abomination to the Lord your God.
26. Neither shall you bring an abomination into your house, lest you become accursed like it; but you shall utterly detest it, and loathe it; for it is a cursed thing.

Text ‎15-16: Marriage sources
In the time of the Patriarchs it appears that descent followed the father. However, the period of the Patriarchs was before the giving of the Torah on Mount Sinai. It was only with the revelation on Sinai that the Jewish people received their legal system. Therefore it is impossible to bring Halachic, legal proofs from the Patriarchs. Our source for Halacha is the Written and Oral Torah.[1416]

The Mishna in Tractate Kiddushin 66b states that if a child's mother is not Jewish, then the child is not Jewish.

The Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 68b, derives this Halacha from a verse in Deuteronomy 7:1-5, which also contains the prohibition against intermarriage. “When the L-rd your G-d brings you to the land that you will inherit, many nations will fall away before you; the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Prizites, the Hivites and the Jebusites... And you shall not marry with them; do not give your daughters to his sons and do not take his daughters for your sons. For he will turn your son away from me and they will worship other gods....” The Talmud points out that the verse only seems to be concerned with the son of the Israelite woman being turned away, “for he (the gentile)” will turn your son away. It does not seem to be concerned that “she (the gentile) will turn your son away.” The implication is that the son of the Jewish woman and gentile man is still considered “your (the Jewish grandfather in this case) son,” but in the case of a gentile woman married to a Jewish man, the child is not considered “your son” and therefore there is no concern about his turning away. This follows Rashi and Tosfot Ri Hazaken in their explanation of the Gemara.

Tosfot (ad loc. “Amar krah”) offers a number of different methods of derivation from the verse, but agrees with the conclusion. This law is also found in the Mishna in Yevamot (ch. 2, 21a): “He counts as a brother in every respect unless he was the son of a maidservant or of a gentile woman.”

This halacha is codified in the Code of Jewish Law, Even HaEzer 8:5, and in Maimonides' Mishneh Torah, Laws of Forbidden Relationships, 15:4. Maimonides states: “This is the general rule: The status of an offspring from a gentile man or from a gentile woman is the same as his mother's; we disregard the father.”

Another source in the Torah is the verse in Leviticus 24:10: “the son of an Israelite woman went out - and he was the son of an Egyptian man.” This person is described as being “in the midst of the community of Israel” - in other words, Jewish.

Probably the most explicit verse against patrilineal descent is in the book of Ezra 10:2-3: Some of the Jews who had returned from the exile declare, “We have trespassed against our G-d and have taken foreign wives of the people of the land. Yet, there is hope in Israel concerning this thing. Therefore, let us make a covenant with our G-d to put away all the wives and such as are born to them, according to the counsel of the L-rd and of those who assemble at the commandment of G-d; let it be done according to the law.”

Sources are also in Midrash Rabbah Numbers 19, and the Jerusalem Talmud Kiddushin 3:12.


Moses when he was in exile selected Ziporah who was the daughter of a Midian Priest to be his wife and join his people. He suffered the criticism of Miriam and Aaron to some extent for not taking a daughter of Israel for a wife; but God did not criticize him; and moreover, he remained the greatest prophet until the end of his days with Ziporah. This is to teach us that more important is the spiritual quality and encouragement that a wife offers to preserve the spiritual greatness of a man. While on Mount Sinai God informed Moses of the sin of the golden calf made by the people and how He wished to destroy them and build a new nation from Moses’s own children. Moses’s own children although of a mixed race were worthy of replacing the whole house of Israel! Moses replied, ‘remove my name from the Torah rather than remove the House of Israel’ and God was placated. One other story of Ziporah occurs when Moses’s child was born and had not yet been circumcised. Moses became sick for delaying this commandment. When Ziporah saw, she took a flint and circumcised her own son proclaiming to her husband, “you have become a bridegroom of blood to me.” That is to say, ‘you are my covenant husband’ or bound to me by my observance of the commandments of G-d. Ziporah was a righteous woman who brought Moses further merit. One of his sons he named Gershom for he was a ‘stranger there’ and the other Eliezer – my G-d helps.

A similar story involves Joseph who married Potipher’s daughter in Egypt and had two sons that were adopted by Jacob and each given a portion in Israel. The sons of Joseph were Ephraim and Manesseh.

Text ‎15-17: Jewish Marriage by Rabbi Shem Tov
‘Jewish marriage is a soul connection, a reunion of two halves of one person. When this soul is born it is divided into two bodies and each develops by itself until it marries. If a man and woman merit, G-d dwells amongst them from Ish and Ishah. “It is obvious that a Jew and a non-Jew who have two different souls cannot be compatible”.’[1417] As long as neither one of them expresses her nature, they may appear compatible. There is a compatibility of their non-Jewishness. As soon as one partner wishes to express his identity, the other person would be left behind. Do not judge things by what things are like now. The soul of a Jew and a non-Jew are not the same. In Hashomer Hatzair, there are non-Jews too that feel Jewish too. If you have non-Jews in your youth group and the non-Jews feel comfortable then the Jewishness is diluted. What is a Jew? A Jew has a Neshama (a Jewish soul) that is why he has different values.

What is the particular characteristic of the Jewish soul? It cannot want to be disconnected to G-d. The connection is there. This is something you cannot change. There is a basic incompatibility with someone who strives to be something and someone who strives to be nothing (Jew). This is why a Jew is not obsessed by luxury, decoration, or materialism, but instead seeks instead to be a messenger of G-d. We choose not to sacrifice our internal identity to satisfy our external identity. Children should never be forced to choose between the God of their father and the God of their mother, because if forced—they will throw both out the window. This is why the children of intermarriage do not have an interest in religion. Often this is the case even if there is consensus between parents, because children see through insincere capitulation. A non-Jewish spouse, who says he/she will follow her spouse, may not have sincere interest in following and children will see this and become irreligious.

Take into consideration the future children. If the child belongs to one nation that is different than the father, it can be torture for the child. The ping-pong ball that the child goes though can be like hell. Why should a Jewish father impose upon his children an identity that is not theirs? The fundamental reason not to intermarry is that G-d doesn’t want it—the Torah forbids it. Yet, someone who has a Jewish father (m’zerut Israel – from a seed of Israel), one should seek to convert.’[1418]

The alienation that Jewish leadership applies to children of intermarriage who seek the Torah is Hillul Hashem. When no reasonable means is provided for conversion and the rigidity of the conversion process greatly exceeds the child’s own Jewish upbringing; then there is another Hillul Hashem. The child of Ruth was called the child of Naomi because of the stigma attached to Ruth and yet, King David was her great, great grandson. One day the orthodox will be serving an intermarriage descendant messiah, NO different than King David of his time. How will they treat him?

15.10.2 Proselyte

The key principles are found in the portion of Ruth chapter 1:
Text ‎15-18: Ruth 1:9-18
1. It came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a man of Beth-Lehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he, and his wife, and his two sons.
2. And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two sons Mahlon and Kilion, Ephrathites of Beth-Lehem in Judah. And they came to the country of Moab, and remained there.
3. And Elimelech, Naomi’s husband, died; and she was left with her two sons.
4. And they took wives of the women of Moab; the name of one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth; and they dwelled there about ten years.
5. And both Mahlon and Kilion died; and the woman was bereft of her two sons and her husband.
6. Then she arose with her daughters-in-law, to return from the country of Moab; for she had heard in the country of Moab that the Lord had visited his people and given them bread.
7. So she went forth out of the place where she was, and her two daughters-in-law with her; and they went on the way to return to the land of Judah.
8. (K) And Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, Go, return each of you to her mother’s house; the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead, and with me.
9. The Lord grant you that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Then she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice, and wept.
10. And they said to her, No, we will return with you to your people.
11. And Naomi said, Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? are there yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?
12. Turn back, my daughters, go your way; for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say, I have hope, even if I should have a husband tonight, and should bear sons;
13. Would you wait for them till they were grown? would you, for them, refrain from having husbands? no, my daughters; for it grieves me much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord is gone out against me.
14. And they lifted up their voice, and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law; but Ruth held fast to her.
15. And she said, Behold, your sister-in-law is gone back to her people, and to her gods; go back you after your sister-in-law.
16. And Ruth said, Do not entreat me to leave you, or to keep from following you; for wherever you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God – ואלהיך אלהי;
17. Where you die, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to me, and more also, if even death parts me from you.
18. When she saw that she was determined to go with her, she stopped speaking to her.

The Jewish principle of identity is that the religion follows the mother of the child while the family follows the father. Hence a person’s religion is according to the mother, while a child’s ‘tribe’ i.e. whether one is Cohen, Levi, or Israel, is after the father. When a stranger dwells within the Jewish community, and shows her preference and observes the commandments, s/he is like Ruth the Moabite who followed after her mother-in-law and became ancestor of Jewish kings:

Text ‎15-19: Numbers 15:13-16 and 15:29-30 on Conversion
All who are native born shall do these things after this ordinance, in offering an offering made by fire, of a sweet savor to the Lord. And if a stranger sojourns with you, or whoever is among you in your generations, and will offer an offering made by fire, of a sweet savor to the Lord; as you do, so he shall do. One ordinance shall be both for you of the congregation, and also for the stranger who sojourns with you, an ordinance forever in your generations; as you are, so shall the stranger be before the Lord. One Torah and one code shall be for you, and for the stranger who sojourns with you.
...
You shall have one Torah for him who sins through ignorance, both for him who is born among the people of Israel, and for the stranger who sojourns among them. But the soul who does anything presumptuously, whether he is born in the land or a stranger, that person dishonors the Lord; and that soul shall be cut off from among his people.

The Hebrew word for ‘stranger’ is ‘ger’ which also means ‘convert’. The essence of conversion is to dwell within the Jewish community. For years in Poland and other countries, conversion simply occurred when a non-Jew entered the Jewish community and began living as a Jew. This differs from modern day America, where it is often the Jew, who is the stranger dwelling in the non-Jewish community, assimilating instead to their culture, has vshalom. Nevertheless, rabbinical conversion is often phony and transient, as the vows of the convert, like the vows of any person, are often discarded over time. Real conversion is simply a person living in the Jewish community and like Ruth accepting our people as her people, accepting our commandments as her commandments.

Similarly Isaiah is receptive to sincere conversion.[1425]
Text ‎15-20: Isaiah 56:6-8
6. Also the sons of the stranger, who join themselves to the Lord, to serve him, and to love the name of the Lord, to be his servants, every one who keeps the sabbath and does not profane it, and all who hold fast to my covenant;
7. Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.
8. The Lord God who gathers the outcasts of Israel says, Yet will I gather others to him, beside those who are already gathered.

Nevertheless it is Ezra who left the final stamp on conversion as it is permitted today when he demanded the divorces of all foreign women.[1426] In all likelihood this was based on his experience in exile in Babylonia, when he saw that such marriages threatened the survival of the Jewish people.[1427] These marriages had been made in exile under duress and did not represent the House of Israel.

Text ‎15-21: Ezra 10:7-12
7. And they made proclamation throughout Judah and Jerusalem to all the returned exiles, that they should gather themselves together at Jerusalem;
8. And that whoever would not come within three days, according to the counsel of the princes and the elders, all his goods should be forfeited, and he himself set apart from the congregation of the exiles.
9. Then all the men of Judah and Benjamin gathered themselves together at Jerusalem within three days. It was the ninth month, on the twentieth day of the month; and all the people sat in the street of the house of God, trembling because of this matter, and because of the heavy rain.
10. And Ezra the priest stood up, and said to them, You have transgressed, and have taken foreign wives, to increase the guilt of Israel.
11. And now make confession to the Lord God of your fathers, and do his will; and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the foreign wives.
12. Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As you have said, so must we do.

The Jewish women who were forced into marriages, did they return from exile? Why are their marriages not mentioned even though their children were Jewish by rabbinical law?

Text ‎15-22: Yevamot 47a-b
Our Rabbis taught: If at the present time a man desires to become a proselyte, he is to be addressed as follows: ‘What reason have you for desiring to become a proselyte; do you not know that Israel at the present time are persecuted and oppressed, despised, harassed and overcome by afflictions’? If he replies, ‘I know and yet am unworthy’, he is accepted forthwith, and is given instruction in some of the minor and some of the major commandments. He is informed of the sin [of the neglect of the commandments of] Gleanings, the Forgotten Sheaf, the Corner and the Poor Man's Tithe. He is also told of the punishment for the transgression of the commandments. Furthermore, he is addressed thus: ‘Be it known to you that before you came to this condition, if you had eaten suet you would not have been punishable with kareth, if you had profaned the Sabbath you would not have been punishable with stoning; but now were you to eat suet you would be punished with kareth; were you to profane the Sabbath you would be punished with stoning’. And as he is informed of the punishment for the transgression of the commandments, so is he informed of the reward granted for their fulfillment. He is told, ‘Be it known to you that the world to come was made only for the righteous, and that Israel at the present time are unable to bear either too much prosperity. or too much suffering’. He is not, however, to be persuaded or dissuaded too much. If he accepted, he is circumcised forthwith. Should any shreds which render the circumcision invalid remain, he is to be circumcised a second time. As soon as he is healed arrangements are made for his immediate ablution, when two learned men must stand by his side and acquaint him with some of the minor commandments and with some of the major ones. When he comes up after his ablution he is deemed to be an Israelite in all respects.

In the case of a woman proselyte, women make her sit in the water up to her neck, while two learned men stand outside and give her instruction in some of the minor commandments and some of the major ones.

The same law applies to a proselyte and to an emancipated slave; and only where a menstruant may perform her ablution may a proselyte and an emancipated slave perform this ablution; and whatever is deemed an interception in ritual bathing is also deemed to be an interception in the ablutions of a proselyte, an emancipated slave and a menstruant.

The Master said, ‘If a man desires to become a proselyte . . . he is to be addressed as follows: "What reason have you for desiring to become a proselyte . . ." and he is made acquainted with some of the minor, and with some of the major commandments’. What is the reason? — In order that if he desire to withdraw let him do so; for R. Helbo said: Proselytes are as hard for Israel [to endure] as a sore, because it is written in Scripture. And the proselyte shall join himself with them, and they shall cleave to the house of Jacob.

‘He is informed of the sin [of the neglect of the commandment of] Gleanings, the Forgotten Sheaf, the Corner and the Poor Man's Tithe’. What is the reason? — R. Hiyya b. Abba replied in the name of R. Johanan: Because a Noahide would rather be killed than spend so much as a perutah which is not returnable.

‘He is not, however, to be persuaded, or dissuaded too much’. R. Eleazar said: What is the Scriptural proof? — It is written, And when she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, she left off speaking unto her. ‘We are forbidden’, she told her, ‘[to move on the Sabbath beyond the] Sabbath boundaries’! — ‘Whither thou goest’ [the other replied] ‘I will go’.

‘We are forbidden private meeting between man and woman’! — ‘Where thou lodgest. I will lodge’

‘We have been commanded six hundred and thirteen commandments’! — ‘Thy people shall be my people’.

‘We are forbidden idolatry’! — ‘And thy God my God’.

‘Four modes of death were entrusted to Beth din’! — ‘Where thou diest, will I die’.

‘Two graveyards were placed at the disposal of the Beth din’! — ‘And there will I be buried’. Presently she saw that she was steadfastly minded etc.

‘If he accepted, he is circumcised forthwith’. What is the reason? — The performance of a commandment must not in any way be delayed.

15.10.3 Jewish Identity and Israel


Jewish identity is obtained by immersion in the community of Israel.[1428] Here conversion is part of absorption in the culture, which is the biblical basis for True Jewish conversion. As Ruth followed Naomi to dwell with her people she became part of the people. Jethro brought Moses’s wife and two children out to him and in so doing brought them into the nation of Israel. Joseph’s sons were brought into the household of Jacob.

Text ‎15-23: Rabbi Dr. Immanuel Jakobovits Former Chief Rabbi of the British Commonwealth
No rabbinical act is of more far-reaching consequence than a conversion to Judaism. It crucially determines for all time the convert’s personal status, marital rights and restrictions as well as religious allegiance, and in the case of a female, affects her offspring for all generations to come.
If a pledge of unqualified loyalty to Judaism is subsequently betrayed, the result is disastrous, not least for the rabbi involved, should he have been guilty of an error of judgment in authorizing a conversion on insufficient evidence of sincerity. In that event, he is bound to feel some personal responsibility and liability for every violation of Jewish law the convert may commit. For only through his act in conferring Jewish status on the former gentile, do actions like working on the Sabbath or consuming non-kosher food become grave breaches of the law. Little wonder that many conscientious rabbis, under the weight of this crushing responsibility, contemplate conversions with extreme, sometimes perhaps excessive, hesitation.
The conditions for admission to Judaism are simple enough in definition. A properly qualified rabbinical court must be satisfied that the candidate is genuinely willing and able to accept the religious discipline of Jewish life without reservation, whereupon the formal act of conversion is carried out by ritual immersion and, in the case of a male, circumcision (which, if previously performed, is religiously validated by drawing a single drop of blood as a “sign of the Covenant”). Conversion under these conditions is open to any person, irrespective of race, color, or previous creed. A person so converted then has all the rights and obligations vested in any other Jew.
Strictly speaking, the actual conversion from any faith (or none) to Judaism is, of course, carried out by the proselyte himself. The rabbinic authority, in effect, merely serves to authenticate the change, like a hallmark confirming the genuineness of a precious metal.
More than a declaration of intent is required to effect a total religious commitment which is to endure for a lifetime, through children, and beyond. This commitment is brought about by radical changes inside the person’s heart, determining all future loyalties, thinking, feelings, and actions. The mold of his very personality, is, in many respects, even more binding and incisive than the commitment involved in the bond of marriage or in the adoption of a child.
A conversion, in the Jewish view, is the most delicate heart operation to which a person could ever submit, and the onus rests on the applicant to prove adequate preparation for such an operation. Some may complete the requisite preparation combining intensive study and environmental experience in a matter of months; others, lacking determination or opportunity, may never be ready, even after years of fruitless effort. How long this process takes is determined by the candidate, not the rabbi.
The ultimate test is certainly not the applicant’s love for a Jewish person he or she seeks to marry. On the contrary, such an ulterior motive will militate against accepting the application. The criterion is the love of Judaism, generated by such thorough familiarity and fascination with the Jewish way of life as to render all sacrifices, obstacles, and delays worthwhile. Only if this love of Judaism, in theory and practice, transcends any other love and loyalty are the conditions for admission truly fulfilled.
But why are these conditions so rigid and demanding? Almost every applicant (and many a Jew) questions their justice with a seemingly plausible argument: why should so much more be expected of a convert than most Jews are prepared to do for their Judaism? Why should converts be more punctilious in their religious observance than the majority of Jews?
To begin with, we have no special interest in swelling our number by conversions. As a “holy people” charged with onerous tasks of spiritual pioneering, numbers are relatively immaterial to the success of our national mission. True “proselytes of righteousness” are welcome, but converts of questionable loyalty attenuate rather than consolidate our strength.
It is not difficult to adduce historical proof for this contention. Throughout the Middle Ages, it is estimated, the total number of Jews hardly exceeded one million. They were exposed to constant oppression, many economic disabilities, and frequent massacres. Yet no Jew then ever worried about Jewish survival. It was left to the twentieth century, when we count thirteen million Jews, most of them living in unprecedented freedom and affluence, to raise the specter of “the vanishing Jew” for the first time in Jewish history. Our survival surely does not depend on numbers, but solely on the intensity of our Jewish commitment!
Moreover, a conversion is a religious naturalization. Even for a civil naturalization - though affecting infinitely less significantly the innermost beliefs, the whole personality, and the daily routine of life of the applicant - certain rigid requirements are universally accepted. For the granting of citizenship, countries usually require a period of at least two years, fluency in the vernacular, and certainly ready submission to all the laws of the land. No one questions these demands. Any alien declaring his readiness to observe all the country’s laws except one would be refused his naturalization. It would not help him to argue that there are many native citizens who also sometimes transgress one regulation or another. In these matters, it is all or nothing.
Yet when would-be converts are told that it may take two years or more to assimilate the requisite knowledge and atmosphere (which even born Jews must cultivate through years of Jewish education, plus living in a Jewish environment from birth), that they are expected to have some familiarity with Hebrew, and that they must undertake to observe all the laws of Judaism, they argue, often amid a chorus of popular Jewish applause, “Why should we have to meet requirements which so many Jews fall short of?”
It would be of little avail to an applicant for British citizenship to resort to a similar argument. The incontestable answer would be that anyone born of British parents - whether good, bad, or indifferent, whether he knows English and abides by the law or not - is British. Even a criminal’s citizenship cannot be disowned. But if a foreigner wants to become British, every effort may and must be made to ensure that he will prove a law-abiding citizen, an asset and not a liability.
Likewise, parents must accept their natural children, healthy or crippled, upright or delinquent. But in adopting a child, they are free to choose, and are entitled to take all reasonable precautions to make sure that the child will be a source of pride and joy to them. Surely the arguments in favor of similar safeguards in admitting persons to the Jewish faith and people are no less compelling or convincing.
Within these general principles, there is of course a degree of variation. Since the assessment of a candidate’s sincerity and the adequacy of his preparation is subject to a human estimation, there is bound to be a subjective factor in any such judgment. One rabbi may be more credulous, another more suspicious, in accepting a declaration of submission to Judaism.
Moreover, the law itself is flexible enough to allow for some variety of interpretation, notably on the extent to which unknown mental reservations at the time of the conversion act may be discounted. Diverse local conditions, too, may have an important bearing on the decision to admit proselytes.
In Israel, for instance, where all converts will - at least in great measure - live in a Jewish environment, learn Hebrew, send their children to Jewish schools, and observe the Jewish calendar, and where there is hardly any opportunity of becoming integrated into non-Jewish society, it is obviously far easier to accept converts (and harder to reject them) than in the Diaspora, where these conditions do not prevail. In the light of these variables, the attitude toward conversion may differ somewhat even among strictly Orthodox rabbinates.
Naturally, the circumstances prompting an application will invariably be taken into account. A woman who wants to become Jewish because she has fallen in love with a Jew, seeking to change her religion almost like one changes a passport on being married, will find far less sympathy than parents who wish to convert an adopted non-Jewish child because they could find no Jewish child.
But these are clearly exceptions. As a rule, it will be found that anyone prepared to change his religion neither had a deep religious allegiance before the change nor will have one after the change. Those who can be, and are, admitted to Judaism indeed turn out to be rather exceptional people. They represent a microcosm of the Jewish people itself, the few among the many, individuals endowed with a profoundly religious soul, with the capacity to swim against the stream and to spurn the line of least resistance, and with the immense hardihood to sustain a stern discipline of life.
True proselytes live up to the qualifications so concisely expressed by the most famous of them all, Ruth the Moabitess, who pledged: “Where you go, I will go; and where you lodge for the night, I will lodge.” - sharing the misfortunes as well as the fortunes of the Jewish people, the experience of darkness in sympathy with Jews who suffer, no less than the bright joys of their triumphs: “Your people will be my people” - identifying with Jewish national aspirations and joining the togetherness of Jews whoever and wherever they are: “And your God will be my God” - serving as witness to Jewry’s religious commitment: “Where you die, I will die, and there shall I be buried” (Ruth 1:16-17) - defending Jewish beliefs and practices even to the grave.
Anyone prepared to follow Ruth’s example of total loyalty will be accepted into the Jewish faith with open arms. But in the absence of such candidates, we should occupy ourselves with the challenge of converting should-be Jews, rather than would-be Jews, to Judaism.


“Your God will be my God” that is an appreciation to God and the ‘jewelry’ He bestows—the Torah, witnesses that a Ger Tzedek – a ‘righteous convert’ places God in her life between herself and her husband. A better translation here is a ‘true proselyte’ that is one who fully turns her heart to the Torah, God, and Israel.[1429]

Reuel was the son of Esau and Ishmael's daughter Basemath a man of Midian; father-in-law to Moses. Zipporah who was the daughter of Reuel is a righteous spark of Esau, similar to Ruth who was the righteous spark of Lavan. Even when there is intermarriage, although the first generations are lost, a later generation may graft back onto the house of Israel in exemplary manner. Other Torah men with the same name include the father of Eliasaph, leader of Gad in the time of Moses and the son of Ibnijah of Benjamin whose offspring returned from exile.

15.10.4 Implicit conversion

Jewish identity genetically is carried more by the male:[1430]

Text ‎15-24: DNA evidence of Jewish identity more closely connected to the male chromosome
DNA evidence has uncovered something perhaps shocking about our Ashkenazic Eastern European ancestors: they married shiksas AND nobody seemed to have a problem with it.

As David Goldstein put it:[1431]

[some] Jewish men . . . travel[ed] long distances to establish small Jewish communities [by themselves]. They would settle in new lands and, if unmarried, take local women for wives

Simply put, DNA studies on Ashkenazim have consistently shown that males show a strong genetic affinity (similar mutations on the Y chormosome) with other Jewish males, no matter where they live, whereas Ashkenazic females do not show any genetic affinity with other Jewish females.

Hillel Halkin in his article in Commentary Magazine Jews and Their DNA comments on the puzzling disparity in the distribution patterns of Jewish Y-chromosome and mitochondrial (female)DNA:


There is no doubt that statistically (and only statistically: it is important to keep in mind that any randomly chosen Jewish individual may prove an exception to the rule), Jewish males with antecedents in such widely separated places as Yemen, Georgia, and Bukhara in Central Asia are far more likely to share similar Y-chromosome DNA with one another than with Yemenite, Georgian, or Bukharan non-Jews. Jewish females from the same backgrounds, on the other hand, yield opposite results: their mitochondrial DNA has markedly less resemblance to that of Jewish women from elsewhere than it does to that of non-Jewish women in the countries their families hailed from

Halkin therefore concludes:

Presumably, these adventurous bachelors setting out (perhaps on business ventures) for far lands could not persuade Jewish women to come with them, or else they traveled to their destinations with no intention of staying there. In the absence of rabbis to perform conversions, they married local women who, while consenting to live as Jews, were not halakhically Jewish. By halakhic standards, therefore, their descendants were not Jewish, either, even though their Jewishness was not challenged by the rabbinical authorities. Although such communities must, in their first generations, have known the truth about themselves, this does not appear to have bothered them or anyone else very much.

Jewish men courting and marrying non-Jewish women is nothing new. In addition to our ancestors having done that (at least in the first generation(s) Tanach is replete with accounts of kings and commoners taking non-Jewish spouses. Of Jacob's 12 sons, at least 8 married out of their clan. King Solomon was criticized for taking many wives, HOWEVER, this stinging criticism is followed by the explication that his wives were idol-worshippers who perverted his heart against Torah. The same goes for Isaac's exhortation to his son Jacob not to take a wife from among the Canaanites. It is pretty clear that the Patriarchs hated the Cannanites (and the other pagans) BECAUSE they engaged in horrible idol worship (child sacrifice etc.) NOT because they "weren't Jewish".

In addition, it is pretty clear that Jewish ancestry (as well as tribal status) was once determined by the father and not by the mother. The "maternal ancestry rule" was instituted by later Rabbinic authorities for political and religious reasons (the Jewish exilarch Bustenai, for example, had no qualms about taking a Persian wife. It is pretty clear that she did not "officially" convert. The resulting feud among the Rabbis whether the children of that union were Jewish or not is an indication, that even among the Rabbis of that time, the "maternal descent rule" was not a unanimous opinion).

Which brings me to my point:

Many non-Jewish women (and men) in the United States express strong interest in Judaism. This interest often stems from their quest to find the ancestral roots of their own faith. However, very often this interest remains only an interest BECAUSE they are intimidated by the current geirus process. Some might argue that this is a good thing but I disagree. The notion that we need to dissuade geirim from converting is an erroneous one (such was the opinion of many Rabbis, particularly Sephardic Rabbis like Rabbi Benzion Uziel and Rabbi Yisrael Hazan).

I also think (and this is only an opinion) that the ancient Jewish reluctance to accept geirim was more pronounced for male geirim rather than female geirim. One example of this are the ancient Moabites and Ammonites. The Torah clearly prohibits any marriage among them, however the Rabbis have relaxed this stricture and ruled that the prohibition only applied to marrying the males among them and not the females (how else to explain the story of Ruth the Moabite). We also see numerous instances in tanach of Jewish men marrying non-Jewish women, however we see very few examples of Jewish women marrying non-Jewish men and when we do, it is usually referred to in a negative context.

A quick glance through tanach (particularly the story of Ruth) would indicate that the current geirus process is completey superflouous and even anti-Torah.

If a non-Jewish women is willing to give up her faith in Jesus and accept the law of Moses, SHE IS JEWISH. No Rabbis need be involved.

The benefits we would get from accepting non Jewish females into the Jewish people are manifold.

Jon Entine in his Abraham's Children[1432] mentions that Jewish genetic diseases are at an all time low and attributes this fact- to among other things- the rising intermarriage rate among Jews.

I do want to make clear that I am an Orthodox Jew. I am not proposing intermarriage at all. What I am proposing, is making the geirus process for non-Jewish females a lot easier. This would eliminate the problem to begin with.


The suggestion is that the male lineage has more to do with genetic Jewish identity than the female lineage. This might also suggest that there is more similarity between males than females in some genetically linked Jewish quality on the Y chromosome.

15.11 Intermarriage

Finally, when there is intermarriage between couples that will raise their children as Jews, there must be an aggressive acceptance of these couples and children in the community as in the case of Jewish husbands and Asian wives whose tradition and expectation is for the wife to raise her children after the religion of her husband. Even if she is a B’nai Noach, she will raise her children as Jewish.

The modern threat to Jewish continuity is from the orthodox, who are all too quick to misjudge a marriage that is sanctioned by G-d.[1433] There are many cases where Jewish identity based on the father would prevail with community acceptance of the children. Thus, the community becomes culpable for the alienation of zerot Israel – the seed of Israel.

The problem is exacerbated in outlying areas where there is not a Bet Din to accommodate orthodox conversion. For example, in the state of Utah, there are only a few thousand Jews. One of the towns in this state is appropriately named Moab. In a similar vein the story of Ruth illustrates the preservation of Jewish identity in intermarriage in this situation.[1434] This example should serve as the rabbinical rule for similar cases. Where are the true judges in the house of Israel?

Lord, do not write off the galut, for out of such wedlock came messiahs,
descendents of Ruth and Boaz—and the House of David.

Today conversion should be done to give a chance for the children of intermarriages who will want acceptance and a chance to fulfill their Jewish identity if they are not alienated. See http://www.hakirah.org/Volume%207.htm: Conversion to Judaism: Halakha, Hashkafa, and Historic Challenge.

15.12 Conjugal rights


"Her food, her raiment, and her conjugal rights shall he not diminish."
(Exodus 21:10)

In marriage a husband is required to provide his wife with food, clothing, and conjugal rights. That is a husband must make himself available to his wife whenever she desires him. Tamar was the daughter in law of Judah. Two of Judah sons had been married to her and had died and Judah did not give her to his third son. One month Tamar prepared a tent at a crossroads and Judah came into her thinking her a prostitute. He left with her his insignia for a safe keep until payment. Later when Tamar became pregnant, Judah learned the story and realized she was more righteous than him. For the commandment of conjugal rights cannot be denied. While, a husband doesn’t have conjugal rights, he should initiate his desires with her when he feels inclined. While there are preferences in love making described in the Talmud, and there are biblical prohibitions, the cultivation of love is so important that G-d permits what is between husband and wife.

There is a prohibition against looking at copulating animals. The reason is that there is a modesty that should be kept even for the sake of animals. Copulation resembles the divine image and one is prohibited from gazing thereon.

15.13 Rabbi Nachman Sefer Hamiddot


CHITUN MARRIAGE B[1435]

1)
A person who has difficulty finding a marriage partner should recite the Shirat HaYam, the Song of the Red Sea, with great concentration.

2)
Reciting the Blessing of the New Moon is particularly propitious for finding one's match. This is hinted at by the Hebrew word for moon - LeVaNaH - which comprises the first letters of the expression, "B'tulah Ni'sait L'yom Har'veee - A virgin marries on the fourth day of the week" (see glossary B).

3)
A man gains prosperity and blessing when he chooses a Torah scholar to be his son-in-law.

4)
Choosing a Torah scholar as one's son-in-law saves a person from the punishment he deserves for having given bad advice to his friend.

5)
When people choose Torah scholars for their daughters to marry, proper judges are appointed.

6)
A person who has difficulty finding a marriage partner should recite the Torah section dealing'with the Temple sacrifices brought by the heads of the twelve tribes (Numbers, chap. 7).

7)
The pairing of potential marriage partners, even if only discussed and never actualized is also from Heaven. Mere talk of such a match has an effect on each of the potential partners.

8)
The veil used to cover the bride before the ceremony carries with it a blessing for children.

9)
Through prayer a person can exchange the marriage partner designated for him in Heaven.

10)
When a husband and wife are careful not to share sleeping quarters, even for one night, with another couple, they merit having kohanim and prestigious [young] men for sons-in-law.

11)
When a widower takes another wife, his first wife suffers in her grave.



[1367] This could also apply in Jewish marriage when values on religion differ from secular to religious. Also see ‎2.29 Ruth p.193 to understand when Jewish marriage in the wilderness is implicit irregardless of conversion.
[1368] Mafteah ha-Tokahot translated in The Mystical Expereince in Abraham Abulafia, Moshe Idel, p. 188.
[1369] “48 MS Oxford 1605, fol. 7b; cf. Or ha-Sekel, MS. Vatican 233, fol. 128a, ‘and according to the prophet who derives pleasure in attaining the form of prophecy [i.e., a mystical experience].’”—Ibid. p. 213
[1370] A woman who tacitly or overtly discourages her husband from prayer is not Jewish. The converse is not necessarily true.
[1371] These are notes based on conversations with Rabbi Finehandler, author of Beloved Companions. June 12th 1999.
[1372] One should divorce a wife who wakes her husband for snoring so that he has no rest.
[1373] Gemara Yevamos, Rabbi Aryeh Rosenfeld, Yevamos lecture
[1374] See Health chapter on Hormones
[1375] It is not clear that this is still the case today, See Sec. ‎3: The Oral Teachings p.213
[1376] Or Her as G-d is beyond gender. See Exodus 28:36
[1377] Midrash Rabbah Genesis 22:2 quoted in The Judaic Tradition, Nahum N. Glatzer, p.206.
[1378] Proverbs 6:22
[1379] “Midrash Tehillim to Ps. I, 3, adds, ‘from the worms,’ and Gen. Rab. XXXV read, ‘in the hour of death’”—Soncino Talmud Mishnah Avot
[1380] “MV: ‘it shall speak for thee,’ i.e., intercede on thy behalf.”—Soncino Talmud Mishnah Avot. The Hebrew uses the word “siah” meaning the Torah will converse with you, like the sounds of grasses blowing in the wind.
[1381] Malachi 2:11-16
[1382] Talmud Kiddushin 12b
[1383] Celebration & Renewal, Edited by Rela M. Geffen, p.96 and p.124 footnote 26
[1384] Hebrew literally means ‘twin soul’
[1385] http://www.yarzheit.com/heavensregister/soulmate.htm, http://www.yarzheit.com/heavensregister/rebmeirbaalhaness.htm
[1386] Bat kol, “a voice from heaven.” The daughter runs from her father to tell the world what she has learned. This is the Bat Kol or partzuf Nukvah from Hochmah.
[1387] See Figure ‎19-1: The Multiplicity of the Soul in One Individual
[1388] See ‎19.3 Reincarnation
[1389] Alludes to seeing the shofar and hearing the fire on Mt. Sinai
[1390] www.landmarkeducation.com
[1391] From the understanding of orthodox women
[1392] Tietze C. Reproductive span and rate of reproduction among Hutterite women. Fertil Steril 1957;8:89 –97.
[1393] http://www.karandeivf.com/Over40.pdf One last chance for pregnancy: a review of 2,705 in vitro fertilization cycles initiated in women age 40 years and above: Sigal Klipstein, M.D., Meredith Regan, Sc.D., David A. Ryley, M.D., Marlene B. Goldman, Sc.D., Michael M. Alper, M.D., and Richard H. Reindollar, M.D.
[1394] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility
[1395] http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20040618/fertility-treatment-less-successful-after-35 Leridon, H. Human Reproduction, June 17, 2004: vol 19, pp 1549-1554. George Attia, MD, director, In Vitro Fertilization program, University of Miami School of Medicine. Tarum Jain, MD, instructor of reproductive endocrinology, Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital and Harvard Medical School.
[1396] http://novaivf.com/index.php?page=age
[1397] http://novaivf.com/index.php?page=age
[1398] http://www.carilion.com/kbase/htm/hw22/7379/hw227379.htm
[1399] 2004 Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) Report: http://www.cdc.gov/ART/ART2004/sect2_fig5-15.htm#12
[1400] http://www.americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/PEovwatch.htm
[1401] http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm
[1402] Basal Body Temperature increases due to progesterone being released after ovulation.
[1403] Increases levels of progesterone, maintaining the uterine wall and preventing menstruation.
[1404] Appetite, fatigue, fever, nausea, and swollen breasts
[1405] http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm
[1406] Basal Body Temperature increases due to progesterone being released after ovulation.
[1407] Increases levels of progesterone, maintaining the uterine wall and preventing menstruation.
[1408] Appetite, fatigue, fever, nausea, and swollen breasts
[1409] http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/lutealphase.html
[1410] http://www.paternityangel.com/Articles_zone/Hormones/Hormones2.htm
[1411] www.shtetlinks.jewishgen.org/Kolomea/1911ket.jpg
[1412] http://www.judaica-guide.com/ketubah_translation/
[1413] http://www.judaica-guide.com/ketubah/
[1414] See Text ‎11-6: Light of the Messiah p.464
[1415] This can be extended to other nations who practice customs similar to Deut. 7:5 in setting up gardens for the worship of fertility goddesses or the making of idols.
[1416] http://ohr.edu/ask/ask202.htm
[1417] Rabbi Shem Tov.
[1418] http://www.talkingaboutintermarriage.com/
[1419] Ruth 1:1, Genesis 1:28
[1420] Ruth 1:4
[1421] Ruth 1:7-8
[1422] A private declaration is sufficient as reported in the Book of Ruth.
[1423] Ruth 1:16-17
[1424] Ruth 1:18
[1425] See ‎2.10.6 Isaiah 56 p.156
[1426] See ‎2.34 Ezra p.205
[1427] A History of the Jewish Experience, Leo Trepp, pp.33-34
[1428] Mikvah symbolism
[1429] Metsudah Siddur, p.120
[1430] http://www.hashkafah.com/Dating-Marrying-Jewish-Girls-who-interested-Judaism-t57696.html
[1431] “Jacob’s Legacy: A Genetic View of Jewish History” from Duke University Scientist David Goldstein
[1432] “Abraham’s Children: Race, Identity, and the DNA of the Chosen People”
[1433] See ‎11.1 David p.461
[1434] See ‎2.5.2 Deuteronomy 23
[1435] http://web.archive.org/web/20010828145145/www.breslov.com/core/midos.html
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