22 Family
22.1 Parents
There is a midrash that before we are born, we have all the spiritual
knowledge of our past lives and full comprehension about what we need to
accomplish in this lifetime. Nevertheless, at the moment of birth an angel
touches us just below the nose and we forget all that we knew. We spend the
rest of our lives trying to find what we lost. And it is extremely important to
find what we have lost in this instance. There are many clues to discover
one’s role in life. A lot can be learned from our family. A soul will
choose a family in order to improve itself in areas of weakness. While in this
family there may be more conflicts, correction leads to greater personal growth.
One may also learn about oneself from one’s name. Who we are named after
affects our role in life. The day we are born will also have an effect.
Text
22-1: Worf to Nicholai as he takes the Chronicle of
Nicholai’s journey
I will take this to our parents. -They will not understand. They
might; I will tell them you are
happy.[2134]One of
the most important matters to parents is that their children are happy. Even
G-d in the next life will ask us, “Did you enjoy my world?”
There is good and bad in each of the Jewish
movements.
[2135] Because of
the Reform movement, there is pressure on the Vatican to release the archives of
WWII Pope Plus XII who allied with Hitler mach shemo. Because of the
Conservative and Reform movements, pressure was exerted on Truman to approve the
State of Israel. While the Orthodox movement has kept us from adopting harmful
modern ways, they have kept to themselves mostly. Leftists were the first to
pick up the rifle to fight for
Israel.
[2136] “Keep your
friends close and your enemies closer” – Godfather’s
advice
Yichus“Merits of the family” literally.
The immediate family influences the child’s values and stability.
Image of G-dThe Ribono shel Olam cares more for the
well-being of marriages than for worship and recognition. This was the point of
the test of adultery where Hashem permits His name to be wiped out for the sake
of the marriage. Why is this the case? Why is our relationship to Hashem of
less significance then to others?
Thus, to live in the “Image of
G-d” is not to expect recognition from others. Hence, a good atheist may
rate as high in the eyes of Hashem as a believer. The key is how benevolent we
act towards others. For the sake of kindness for others, Hashem foregoes
recognition. The way we treat our spouse falls in this category.
Now
how will it be possible after death to feel closeness to Hashem if while we
lived we did not achieve this? Those that live in the “Image of
G-d” will be as a loving friend of Hashem in the world to come. The
relationship of a friend is different from that of servant. Both are worthy
goals.
Rediscovered JewIn a convention in Poland, a hidden
Jewish woman discovered that her brother was alive, 50 years after the
holocaust. During the war, she was left alone at the age of 14. She told the
authorities that she was Polish and an orphan. Since she didn’t look
Jewish and volunteered to work in a factory in Germany, she slipped by without
notice. The factory in Germany was forced labor, not like a concentration camp.
There she met someone and got married after the war in Poland. When he was very
sick, she finally told him that she was Jewish. She also had two daughters.
When the oldest daughter found out she was very disheartened as she held
negative Jewish opinions. The other daughter was ok with the news.
There was a convention in Poland for survivors of the war. At the
convention someone told her that there was a survivor from her hometown there.
This person was a friend of my aunt in Germany who told us about the story. She
had a brother who had survived the war in Russia and went to England after the
war. Fifty years later she traveled to England and had a reunion with a
brother. Her brother’s son was a lawyer in New York. He paid her to take
a trip to New York where she met my uncle as well. When her daughter got
married in Poland her nephew traveled to the wedding in Poland. The daughter
getting married was shocked to find out she was Jewish but had adjusted by the
time of her wedding. The other daughter was ok to find out she was Jewish.
Mr Ripple Saves the Spiegel FamilyWhen my father’s
family was seeking a place to hide during the last year of the 2
nd
world war, my Grandfather contacted a friend of his by the name of Mr. Ripple.
Mr. Ripple had earlier enabled my grandfather to get work papers to go in and
out of the ghetto to collect down and feathers used by the German army for
pillows and clothing. Mr. Ripple told my Grandfather that he could not hide the
entire family and then said, but how can I send you away since I will never see
you again. My Grandfather replied to put his mind at ease, “I am only
seeking a place for my wife and daughter, my sons and I have already found
another place to hide.” This satisfied Mr. Ripple and my grandmother and
daughter took residency in the loft of the stable attached to the house. Mr.
Ripple provided food for them that they would lift up by rope. What Mr. Ripple
didn’t know is that my grandfather, uncle and father had snuck up to hide
in the loft as well. For the last six months he was not aware of this. My
grandfather continued to use his work papers to conduct business during the war
to acquire food to feed the rest of the family. He went through a serious bout
of typhus which the hay carried but survived the delirium. One day Grandfather
heard others talking about the Spiegel family, that they were hiding in the
area, and he felt that the talk could lead to some danger. He told a
friend’s wife to spread rumors this Sunday at church that the Spiegel
family had been caught hiding in some pipes near a construction site. When Mr.
Ripple and his wife went to church and heard the rumors, they came home and told
my Grandmother the tragic news that the rest of the Spiegel family had been
captured. My grandmother responded, “don’t you worry, Mr Ripple, my
husband and sons are in a hiding place just as good as this one, and to prove it
next week my husband will be here to meet you.”
This was how my
family survived the last six months of the war. Mr. Ripple was the German
magistrate of this region and a good man. There is no Hebrew word for
"supernatural" and there is a good reason for this. Instead the Hebrew word for
miracle is ‘nes’. Since my father’s family are holocaust
survivors, my grandmother, may she rest in peace would tell me the miracles of
how the family survived. There are miracles in this world and they have nothing
to do with “the supernatural”. To be a Jew is to be part of an
unbroken chain of survivors of persecution. There is no greater miracle than
after the thousands of years of persecution; the Jewish people survive and have
a vibrant tradition and inner beauty. On Yom Kipper during the Musaf service,
we read about the Ten Martyrs who died for their faith in G-d and unwillingness
to keep then the prohibition on teaching Torah. Because of folks like these and
the other millions of martyrs in our history we are Jews today. Some Christians
would paint us into a corner for denying the deification of a single martyr, but
we say in the words of the Aleinu prayer, Isaiah 45:20 “For they bow to
vanity and emptiness and pray to a god which does not save” since we are
here, while the Byzantine Christians who would have destroyed us are
not.
22.2 Children
One should always shower ones children with love and hugs. This assists in
the development of their self-esteem. Bedwetting is a problem that stems from
lack of positive complements to the child. Each night when putting the child to
sleep one should complement and state how one believes in them and their
potential. Overlook mistakes and give encouragement.
One must spend time
with ones child. If the child feels that she is the most important thing to the
parents, then she will grow up close to her parents’ values. If a child
is asking or behaving in a way completely out of the ordinary it is usually a
cry that the parents notice them and give them attention.
A teenage child
may rebel and be testy. One must encourage her with complements. This gives
her confidence to be successful in all challenges. When the child comes from
divorced parents one should accept the child’s discussion of both sides so
that the child feels right about her parents.
We must know that the
illumination of our children stems from the blessings we recite that draw forth
souls from
heaven.
[2137]
Text
22-2: Likutey Moharan #14:4
This is what our Sages teach (Nedarim 81a):
“Why do Torah scholars not have sons who are Torah scholars? Because they
[the fathers] did not first recite the blessing over the
Torah.”25 Every person, and especially the Torah scholar, must
bless and illuminate, through his Torah study, into the root of the
souls—namely, the
“first[2138] in
thought.” For that is where our source is.26
Therefore when a person brings a radiance and blessing into the first/beginning
of thought,[2139] and through
this the souls shine and are blessed, then when he draws down a soul for his
son, he certainly draws a pure and clear soul. Thus his son will also be a
Torah Scholar.27
However, when he does not radiate and bless the first/beginning through his
study of Torah, then, when he draws a soul for his son, this soul has the
quality of “I am asleep” (Song of Songs
5:2).28 It does not shine. This is why his son will not
be a Torah scholar. And this is the meaning of, “Because they did not
first recite the blessing over the Torah;” [“first”]
alluding to the source of the souls and corresponding to “Israel arose
first in thought.”
25. did not first recite the blessing.... The Talmud (ad.
Loc.) asks: How can it be that a Torah scholar’s son not develop into a
scholar? It answers: This happens because, before studying, the Torah scholar
himself did not first recite the daily Torah blessings, thanking God for the
Torah. The commentaries explain that they studied Torah as a wisdom, not as the
word of God through which man can come closer to Him and know His ways.
26. first in thought...source is. Rebbe Nachman explains the
above Talmudic passage this way: The scholars did not bless “the
first,” they did not look to awaken the beginning of the Torah—its
source in Divine thought. They failed to illuminate the source so that it did
not shine brightly from the start. Thus, the first/the beginning was not
proper. As a result, their children do not become scholars. Because they did
not awaken the source from where the soul of their offspring was drawn, it came
down darkened, unlit and thus unable on their own to radiate in Torah.
The Mai HaNachal adds that reciting the blessings over the Torah, that
is, thanking God for the Torah and praising Him for it, affords one’s
Torah study this very power to bless and illuminate its beginning, its source.
It is therefore interesting to note that the Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim
47:1) states: “One must be extremely vigilant in reciting the Torah
Blessings.” Such a stringent tone regarding the reciting of a blessing
has no parallel anywhere else in the Codes. Yet, with what Rebbe Nachman has
just explained the need to this vigilance is quite understandable.
We find in the Torah Blessings the words, “He has chosen us from all the
nations and given us His Torah...” The Mabuey HaNachal explains
that this alludes to faith in God and the Torah. We trust that God has chosen
and prepared our souls to be at the source—God’s thought, and
we believe that the Torah has the power to awaken our souls and direct us
to repent. In this sense, the Torah is unique. No wisdom, no matter how deeply
it is studied, has the power to inspire or connect to man’s upper soul.
The Mabuey HaNachal also mentions that this blessing and illuminating of
the source through one’s Torah study is in essence the concept of
lishmah, the studying of Torah for its own sake (cf. Lesson #12, nn. 5,
9).
27. his son...scholar. This is because he illuminated this
particular soul at its source.
Elsewhere, Rebbe Nachman explains this in greater detail. He mentions that
everything a person does influences and has a part in the
“beginning” and affects the source. Thus, for example, “when
a child is conceived, his conception is affected by the food previously eaten by
his parents. They must sanctify and bless this beginning, namely the things
that precede conception, such as eating.” Thus, a person who is careful
about everything he does in the “beginning” assures a radiant and
clear soul for his child. This is because he is careful that all the
“beginnings” were as proper and as pure as possible (Rabbi
Nachman’s Wisdom #132).
28. asleep. This is in contrast to the aroused and awakened
soul, mentioned above. By not blessing the first/the beginning, the soul drawn
into this world is asleep. It does not shine wand will have great difficulty
becoming a
scholar.
22.3 Getting
Along with Others and Homeland
The sons of Bilhah were Dan and Naphtali and those of Zilpah were Asher and
Gad. Joseph got along with the children of the
maidens.
[2141] Jerusalem is in
the territory of Benjamin. North of there is the territory of Ephraim and north
of Ephraim is Mannaseh’s land extending to the southern tip of the Sea of
the Galilee. North of Mannaseh is Issachar and Zebulin. Dan’s portion
is where Tel-Aviv is today along the central to northern coastline.
Asher’s is above that on the coastline.
Our Hebrew names are
our spiritual roots. My cousin Avraham Ellenbogen lives in Beer Sheva, much
like Abraham Avinu who chose that place as his home.
Maternal
GrandparentsAryeh Lev served as gabai of his shul, which meant he
maintained the order of services, distributed aliyahs, gave out prayer books,
and assisted guests. He was a quiet man with a good heart. His strength was
calmness and a good temperament. He was not prone to anger.
My maternal
grandmother was a charitable woman who sent care packages to her relatives in
Israel at the beginning of Israel’s statehood when there were few
supplies. When I visited Israel, I found that she is well remembered by Sima
Talmon of Kibbutz Maale HaHamisha. She was a dynamic lady who enjoyed
entertaining guests and socializing.
Paternal GrandparentsMy
grandmother was a righteous woman who would fast Monday and Thursday, while my
grandfather sought for hiding places during the Holocaust. She read
T’hillim and Tanach for hours each day. She was a pious woman with a
saintly heart. She died on Erev Rosh Hodesh before sunset on the last day of
Adar.
I remember one particular story she would tell me emphatically from
Ezekiel. This was the story of the “Valley of Dry Bones”. G-d set
Ezekiel down in a valley and all around were bones. G-d asked Ezekiel,
“Can these bones yet live?” Ezekiel responded, “Oh G-d, only
thou knowest.” G-d said prophesy unto these bones that they should have
flesh upon them and spirit within them. Ezekiel prophesied and it happened. G-d
said:
Text
22-3: The Restoration of the House of Israel
Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel;
although, they say, our bones are dried,
and our hope is lost:
we are cut off; they will yet rise up and I will bring
them
back into the land of Israel.
(Ezekiel
37:11-12)
My grandmother’s favorite saying was “Everything will work out
for the best.” Her favorite charity was the Rabbi Meir Baal Haness
Z”l center, the miracle worker, in Tiberias, Israel. My Grandmother
obtained the following teaching perhaps from a Rabbi and wrote it down for
me:
Text
22-4: Tikkun for Agnosticism
We cannot know for sure if G-d exists, but we have an
innate conviction that He does,
and that the teachings of the skeptics
leads only down a dark and lonely path.
My grandmother had two daughters. Hilda, the oldest lives in Germany.
Lunia, died in the Holocaust as a baby. There are tragedies in the Holocaust
too painful to recount. Like the moon which waxes and wanes, Lunia’s life
waned too fast. What are the meanings of these tragedies? What does G-d want
us to learn?
Great UncleMy great uncle Joseph and his family
were murdered in the
holocaust.
[2142] My maternal
grandmother’s brother was very kind and caring for the needs of those
around him. He was a good family man. He lived in Germany and had two
children. When Hitler rose to power he had the choice of leaving to Poland or
another country like Switzerland. Since he had two sisters in Poland, he chose
Poland, while his wife’s parents went to Switzerland and survived.
Meditation
22-1: Nuriel, Vowel Ascents, Tiferet Souls, the
Pomegranate of Eden, and the Smile
Ira led the meditation at Beth
Shalom.[2143] We
started with Michael on the right, Gavriel on the left, Uriel in front, and
Raphael behind. I had an experience of Nuriel descending directly upon me. I
experienced tremendous power without emotion; the total balance of the Angel.
The power was overwhelming and I opened my eyes to look at the candlelight. The
light (NaRiel) of the candles balanced the Angel’s energy within me and He
ascended. The angels at my sides parted their hands and I inserted my own
between them and we rose.
Around me the world of Malchuts was blue with the glistening of gem
stone lights along cave walls. Above me the deep blue sky was parting and we
passed through into the orange landscape of Yesod. The intrusion of the light
of a living soul attracted the angels around. I then pronounced the name
yy with the vowel
‘T’ and
ascended to Tiferets. There I stood in the
Garden[2144] and saw the bright
light of a soul before me. I inquired who he was and he responded,
“Look into my soul and you shall know
me.” He wore a continuous smile on his face and I saw that he
was my great uncle Joseph, Z”l whose name I bear. He asked me if I would
like him to show me around? I asked to see the Tree of Knowledge. It stood by
the Tree of Life but was smaller. I asked what is the fruit it bears? He said
look and you will know. I saw a red fruit. It was a pomegranate. I asked, why
is the pomegranate the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge?
He said, each seed is like a fruit in its own
right and this reflects all of creation. There are worlds within
worlds. I asked, what is the secret of peace and happiness? He took
me up to the world of Daat and I saw the parting of Abba and
Imma.[2145] I entered the space
between them. The space of Daat is not a world, but the revelation of
knowledge. I saw the answer was in his smile. To always wear a smile is to
give contentment to others and thus oneself. I asked, what is the secret of
how to wear a smile? He said one must let negative energy leave the body.
Negative energy can leave via the eyes. One’s eyes can also bless
others.
Table
22-1: Father's Family Tree
|
Ancestor
|
1st Generation
|
2nd Generation
|
3rd Generation
|
4th Generation
|
|
Ovadiah (great-grandfather)
|
Moshe (Max)
|
|
|
|
|
Helen
|
|
Hilda
|
|
|
|
|
Jacob
|
David Carrie
|
|
|
Lea (great-grandmother)
|
Sara
|
|
|
|
|
Abraham (Sara’s brother)
|
|
|
Yosef Natan (Jeffrey Nathan + Suhi)
|
|
|
Joseph (Sara’s brother)
|
|
|
Jacob Ovadiah (Steven Jay + Rachel)
|
Max
|
|
|
Lunia
|
|
|
Table
22-2: Mother's Family Tree
|
Ancestor
|
|
|
3rd Generation
|
|
|
Nathan Ellenbogen + Pearl Lazer
|
Lev Avraham Louis 1893
Married to Minnie Lobel
|
Ruth – 1940
|
Jeffrey – born @ 8:35 PM 1st of Adar II, 5722 Tuesday
evening, Yom Reveee (4th day of the week), Rosh Hodesh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rosh Hodesh Adar 5764 – watched the ‘The Ideal
Husband’. This is a good movie about character under trying
circumstances, a Victorian society film combining themes from Nathaniel
Hawthorne with the flare of Shakespeare—highly recommended.
22.4 Mission
The Jewish mission is to enlighten the world with Torah. We must go
door-to-door to share our wisdom, to counter false beliefs, and to elevate
Jewish self-esteem. Both Jewish men and Jewish women should serve a mission.
We need to establish Jewish Institutes of Learning so that singles will
have places to meet and marry. These should be collocated with colleges and
universities. Jewish singles should have their own places of worship to
facilitate meetings. Jewish single synagogues should have non-paid
clergy.
22.5 Relationships
The angels in heaven are
Hayot,
[2147] beings similar in
relationship to G-d as animals are in relation to
man.
[2148] The Midrash
asks:
Text
22-5: Perkei Avot: “Who is
honored”
Who is honored?
He who honors all living beings
(Kal HaBriyot).
The Midrash teaches that one must show honor for other living creatures
to be honored not just human beings. The word love,
ahavah in Hebrew is
of the same root as
yahav, the word for ‘give’ in Aramaic.
This teaches us to love is to give. The Gemara teaches to give three prutah,
small coins, as tzedakah before prayer. That is to say even the gift of three
small coins is significant in G-d’s eyes as an act of love.
In
order for God to have created the world, he withdrew from the
‘center’ to make a
space.
[2149] Nevertheless,
because nothing can exist without God, a
kav, a ray of light reentered
the space to sustain creation. Similarly, when people want to learn to love,
they must also withdraw from the center. They must grow out of the point of
being children in the center of attention to let the relationship
occur.
Hashem creates the world with words, but rests on Shabbat. Yet,
the world cannot exist without Hashem continuously recreating it. During the
week, this is with words, but on Shabbat, G-d rests. From here, we learn that
Hashem sustains the world with thought on Shabbat. Unlike words, thought does
not distort. Thought is Hashem’s intended creation in perfect form, His
Thought. This is why Friday night is so special a time for intimacy. At this
moment, we are closest to Hashem’s intention.
Jewish love is to
be in love with the idea of marriage, not necessarily with ones spouse. The
idea of marriage perseveres, even when the newness of love wears off. In love,
there is unity, one body. This means that when the other’s body is ailing
one feels for the suffering and vice-versa. To be in love with the idea of
marriage means to give and fulfill her commandments.
The Ayn Aur, an
infinite light surrounds all of creation. Angels reside in this place; this is
the world of Yetzirah. Why do we bid the angels ‘goodbye’ so soon
after we greet them on Shabbat? This is because when they arrive at the Shabbat
observant house, the heat of the spirit of observance so overwhelms them that
they cannot bear to stay in its
presence.
[2150] Yet, we know
that they dwell in heaven so what could be more overwhelming here on Earth. The
unity of God’s presence with his people overwhelms the experience of the
angels in heaven. Why is there no blessing before intimacy? There is a
blessing that one recites as part of the marriage ceremony sanctifying intimacy
and progeny from the relationship. Yet, when one says a blessing, one must act
upon it immediately for it to last. This teaches that all of the marriage
between husband and wife is an intimacy, not just the sexual act that is
separated by spates of time. Intimacy is not just
sex.
[2151]
22.6 Home
Choosing a home is an important item for spiritual inspiration.
Particularly beneficial for meditation is a home that has windows facing east.
A view of mountains or water will help ones inspiration. Size is not as
significant in a home as pleasant scenery and a quiet location.
Ever
notice that most temples (churches) are designed with steeples or spires.
Within our mental code, such images remind us of mountains where water, herbs,
and wildlife are found. Most importantly, such visages remind us of our
insignificance and deflate anger, worry, and other personal
obsessions.
22.7 Orphan
Sometimes a person is an orphan and doesn’t know where he comes from.
In some ways, each of us needs to make a decision on our own identity, who we
will be.
Text
22-6: Duncan McCloud to Richie: Highlander “Family
Tree”
You get to decide who you are, not many people get that
chance.
[2134] Star Trek Next
Generation, Episode 265:
Homeward
[2135] Lessons that
I learn from my father, Avraham Tzvi ben
Moshe
[2136] Tish
B’Av
5760
[2137] Likutey Moharan,
Volume 1B, Rebbi Nachman of Breslov, trans. and edited by Moshe Mykoff,
annotated by Chaim Kramer,
pp.301-303
[2138] That is to
remember G-d.
[2139]
Ibid.
[2140] ‘And the
Saints go Marching On’
tune.
[2141] See
Parsha
Vayeshev[2142] My first
name Yosef is after him while my middle name Nathan is after my maternal
great-grandfather. In Judaism if one is named after someone whose life was
short, one takes upon oneself a middle name of someone who lived to a ripe old
age so that the soul forces are blended for the good in oneself.
[2143] Yesod in Tiferets on
the Counting of the Omer – April 24, 1996
[2144] Upper of Garden of
Eden
[2145] Father and
mother.
[2146] Hersh is a
deer. Tzvi is a deer in Hebrew. Tzvi brother of Sarah. Abraham was
Sarah’s father.
[2147]
Hayot is the Hebrew word for animals as
well.
[2148] Rivkah Slonim,
SUNY Binghamton Chabad director speaking at SLC retreat
8/01/03
[2149]
Ibid.
[2150] Ibid.
[2151] As for a blessing
before sex, we are instructed not to recite blessings in vain and we do not know
ahead of time what will occur.