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22 Children, Family, Friends, Safety

22.1 Raising children

22.1.1 Sharing

Best not to force this as kids can work this out remarkably well without parents around. Until a child is done with a toy, you should not take it away as this is the same feeling as another child taking the toy away. Giving it to the other child can lead to feelings of entitlement instead of delayed gratification that is a better skill for him or her to learn at the baby or toddler age.[2479]

22.2 Raising a Jewish child

22.2.1 Home

Let your child see you kissing the mezuzah and practicing mitzvot and they will endear him in kind.

22.2.2 Synagogue

Let your child open and close the ark and touch the Torahs and he will learn the Torah.

22.2.3 Hanukah – Education – Freedom

In Judaism not living under tyranny, education, and freedom are interconnected.

22.2.4 Passover – Idolatry – not worshipping Kings

That we do not worship kings that we do not see the king as the Son of God, that we do not accept the slavery of kings.

22.2.5 Moshe

Jan. 2012: “Can you smile Dada.” My son pointed to the corner of my lips and tried to lift them higher.[2480]

Feb. 2012: “Can you bring the spooky boxes?” I did not know what he meant and then he said synagogue. So I now I remembered I laid tefillin yesterday, my son’s reminder to do this again this morning. I asked my son if he could say the Shema. He responded, “Smile”. To say the Shema is to smile in the morning and evening.

שמע יהוה אלהנו יהוה אחד

Hear Lord our G-d, “the Lord is One”

This is the universal proclamation for all mankind that there is one G-d. We ask G-d to hear us, hear our cry, hear our voice, hear our proclamation.

22.3 Parents

There is a Midrash that before we are born, we have all the spiritual knowledge of our past lives and full comprehension about what we need to accomplish in this lifetime. Nevertheless, at the moment of birth an angel touches us just below the nose and we forget all that we knew. We spend the rest of our lives trying to find what we lost. And it is extremely important to find what we have lost in this instance. There are many clues to discover one’s role in life. A lot can be learned from our family. A soul will choose a family in order to improve itself in areas of weakness. While in this family there may be more conflicts, correction leads to greater personal growth. One may also learn about oneself from one’s name. Who we are named after affects our role in life. The day we are born will also have an effect.

22.3.1 Happiness

Text 22-1: Worf to Nicholai as he takes the Chronicle of Nicholai’s journey
I will take this to our parents. -They will not understand. They might; I will tell them you are happy.[2481]

One of the most important matters to parents is that their children are happy. Even G-d in the next life will ask us, “Did you enjoy my world?”

22.3.2 Survival

There is good and bad in each of the Jewish movements.[2482] Because of the Reform movement, there is pressure on the Vatican to release the archives of WWII Pope Plus XII who allied with Hitler mach shemo. Because of the Conservative and Reform movements, pressure was exerted on Truman to approve the State of Israel. While the Orthodox movement has kept us from adopting harmful modern ways, they have kept to themselves mostly. Leftists were the first to pick up the rifle to fight for Israel.[2483] “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” – Godfather’s advice

Yichus
“Merits of the family” literally. The immediate family influences the child’s values and stability. Nevertheless, the superstitions of Yichus for discrimination is always a concern. Remember Zipporah and Ruth who were derided in their generation, but magnified the greatness of their husbands and children.

Image of G-d
The Ribono shel Olam cares more for the well-being of marriages than for worship and recognition. This was the point of the test of adultery where Hashem permits His name to be wiped out for the sake of the marriage. Why is this the case? Why is our relationship to Hashem of less significance then to others?

Thus, to live in the “Image of G-d” is not to expect recognition from others. Hence, a good atheist may rate as high in the eyes of Hashem as a believer. The key is how benevolent we act towards others. For the sake of kindness for others, Hashem foregoes recognition. The way we treat our spouse falls in this category.

Now how will it be possible after death to feel closeness to Hashem if while we lived we did not achieve this? Those that live in the “Image of G-d” will be as a loving friend of Hashem in the world to come. The relationship of a friend is different from that of servant. Both are worthy goals.

Rediscovered Jew

In a convention in Poland, a hidden Jewish woman discovered that her brother was alive, 50 years after the holocaust. During the war, she was left alone at the age of 14. She told the authorities that she was Polish and an orphan. Since she didn’t look Jewish and volunteered to work in a factory in Germany, she slipped by without notice. The factory in Germany was forced labor, not like a concentration camp. There she met someone and got married after the war in Poland. When he was very sick, she finally told him that she was Jewish. She also had two daughters. When the oldest daughter found out she was very disheartened as she held negative Jewish opinions. The other daughter was ok with the news.

There was a convention in Poland for survivors of the war. At the convention someone told her that there was a survivor from her hometown there. This person was a friend of my aunt in Germany who told us about the story. She had a brother who had survived the war in Russia and went to England after the war. Fifty years later she traveled to England and had a reunion with a brother. Her brother’s son was a lawyer in New York. He paid her to take a trip to New York where she met my uncle as well. When her daughter got married in Poland her nephew traveled to the wedding in Poland. The daughter getting married was shocked to find out she was Jewish but had adjusted by the time of her wedding. The other daughter was ok to find out she was Jewish.

Mr Ripple Saves the Spiegel Family

When my father’s family was seeking a place to hide during the last year of the 2nd world war, my Grandfather contacted a friend of his by the name of Mr. Ripple. Mr. Ripple had earlier enabled my grandfather to get work papers to go in and out of the ghetto to collect down and feathers used by the German army for pillows and clothing. Mr. Ripple told my Grandfather that he could not hide the entire family and then said, but how can I send you away since I will never see you again. My Grandfather replied to put his mind at ease, “I am only seeking a place for my wife and daughter, my sons and I have already found another place to hide.” This satisfied Mr. Ripple and my grandmother and daughter took residency in the loft of the stable attached to the house. Mr. Ripple provided food for them that they would lift up by rope. What Mr. Ripple didn’t know is that my grandfather, uncle and father had snuck up to hide in the loft as well. For the last six months he was not aware of this. My grandfather continued to use his work papers to conduct business during the war to acquire food to feed the rest of the family. He went through a serious bout of typhus which the hay carried but survived the delirium. One day Grandfather heard others talking about the Spiegel family, that they were hiding in the area, and he felt that the talk could lead to some danger. He told a friend’s wife to spread rumors this Sunday at church that the Spiegel family had been caught hiding in some pipes near a construction site. When Mr. Ripple and his wife went to church and heard the rumors, they came home and told my Grandmother the tragic news that the rest of the Spiegel family had been captured. My grandmother responded, “don’t you worry, Mr Ripple, my husband and sons are in a hiding place just as good as this one, and to prove it next week my husband will be here to meet you.”

This was how my family survived the last six months of the war. Mr. Ripple was the German magistrate of this region and a good man. There is no Hebrew word for "supernatural" and there is a good reason for this. Instead the Hebrew word for miracle is ‘nes’. Since my father’s family are holocaust survivors, my grandmother, may she rest in peace would tell me the miracles of how the family survived. There are miracles in this world and they have nothing to do with “the supernatural”. To be a Jew is to be part of an unbroken chain of survivors of persecution. There is no greater miracle than after the thousands of years of persecution; the Jewish people survive and have a vibrant tradition and inner beauty. On Yom Kipper during the Musaf service, we read about the Ten Martyrs who died for their faith in G-d and unwillingness to keep then the prohibition on teaching Torah. Because of folks like these and the other millions of martyrs in our history we are Jews today. Some Christians would paint us into a corner for denying the deification of a single martyr, but we say in the words of the Aleinu prayer, Isaiah 45:20 “For they bow to vanity and emptiness and pray to a god which does not save” since we are here, while the Byzantine Christians who would have destroyed us are not.

22.3.3 Healthcare

Stroke has almost no remedy in hospitals while unnecessary treatments such as breathing tubes will ruin the ability to swallow. Hence one must be very cautious on emergency recommended care. Hospice doctors and nurse practitioners have a vested interest in preserving life and may actually be better at blood pressure treatment and other geriatric care then general physicians.

22.4 Baby

A fetal monitor will show that when a wife criticizes her husband the pulse rate of the baby and the mother calms down together. Hence a husband ought not to think that a negative wife is unhappy! When a wife withholds criticism her pulse rate increases. Hence as every husband desires to make his wife happy, he should not become upset when his wife complains, but realize that she achieves some shalom – peace in this manner.

22.4.1 Pregnancy and delivery

Note hospitals do not allow any patients to drink any fluid. Hence a long labor in a hospital is bound to lead to dehydration followed by an IV and surgical delivery. Babies born with a heavily sedated mother are more likely to require immediate feeding to avoid dehydration, which could lead to an intensive care stay. Nevertheless, hospitals don’t feed newborn babies except through an IV.

Home birth is an alternative, but one should prepare with an ultra-sound to evaluate both the baby’s position and size for a feasible childbirth. For example, a head diameter greater than 11 cm means normal 10 cm dilation will be insufficient for delivery.

22.4.2 Breast contact

Babies need breast contact even if there is not milk production.

22.4.3 Feeding

Babies need to eat until they are full, so do not think your baby is over eating. Breast milk can be stored at room temperature 10 hours, refrigerated 5-7 days, or frozen a year.

Text 22-2: To wake or not to wake new-born at night for feedings
Should I wake my newborn for feedings?
Answer http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/newborn/AN01687
from Elizabeth LaFleur, R.N.

It depends.

Newborns often lose weight in the first few days after birth. Until your newborn regains this "lost" weight — usually within 10 days to two weeks after birth — it's important to feed him or her at least every three hours round-the-clock. This may mean occasionally waking your newborn for a feeding, especially if your newborn has lost more than 10 percent of his or her birth weight. Once your newborn reaches the birth-weight milestone, it's generally OK to wait for feedings until he or she wakes up.

Keep in mind that premature babies often need more-frequent feedings for a longer period of time than do full-term babies. If you're concerned about your baby's feeding patterns or weight gain, consult his or her doctor.

22.4.4 Fussiness

Insomnia causes babys to become fussy. Insomnia as well as post-partum depression can be caused by a deficiency of Vitamin B5 in a lactating mother’s diet. Supplement with 12 mg. of pantothenic acid per day and watch both your baby and yourself get a better rest.

22.4.5 Swaddling Technique

jkm082.jpg
Fold top down and place baby in the center using square or rectangle swaddle - demonstration uses rectangle

Fold top from center (not corner) over
shoulder and tuck under arm jkm083.jpgjkm084.jpg
Hold with fingers and with other arm pull corner while holding blanket under arm Slip hand out and pull corner across body jkm085.jpgjkm086.jpg
Tuck behind back as far as possible while turning baby Roll baby back to front and pull bottom corner between legs. For a 10 week old baby and under, include feet and bring bottom corner under chin jkm087.jpgjkm088.jpg
Fold top from center (not corner) over other shoulder and tuck under arm Slip hand out again while pulling blanket firmly across upper body to the back jkm089.jpgjkm090.jpg
Hold loose end against back as you lift baby to
place in crib Front view jkm091.jpg

22.5 Children

22.5.1 Angels

Children are G-d’s messengers. The books they pull off of shelves will contain a message that one needs to relearn. That which they empty from draws are items one needs to rediscover. All their actions until the age of thirteen are the angelic messages of G-d.

Text 22-3: Moshe Rabbeinu Contemplates Our Generation
As he looked into the Book of Adam, Moshe Rabbeinu was shown the Sages and the leaders of all the generations of the future. When he thus gazed ahead at the generation that would live to witness the footsteps of Mashiach, he saw that they would have but a modest conception of Divinity, and in serving G-d with their minds and their hearts they would not attain the loftiest peaks of avodah. Rather, they would actively observe the Torah and its commandments in a spirit of self-sacrifice. At the same time, he was shown what joy this service would bring about in the heavens Above. In the light of what his eyes then beheld, Moshe Rabbeinu
became exceedingly humble; as it is written, האדמה אשר על פני האדם מאד מכל משה והאיש ענו
— “The man Moshe was very humble, more so than any man on the face of the earth."
Sefer HaMaamarim
5710 [1950], p. 237

From here we learn the importance of serving others, for to help others is service to G-d. My car stalled across from a house on 8th E and 13th S. I was there for about a half an hour when the owner came out and asked if there was some help he could offer. He brought a gallon of gas he had in the back and my car started instantly. He would not take any money, but only a hand shake. Each day you wake up, you should look for someone to serve.[2484]

22.5.2 Happiness

The happiness of the children is the happiness of the parents.[2485] Of course, no parent wants his or her child to hide a problem. Parents are there to help which is what they want to do.

22.5.3 Play

22.5.3.1 Development experts say children suffer due to lack of unstructured fun

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

By Karen MacPherson, Post-Gazette Staff Writer

WASHINGTON -- American children don't really play much anymore.

That's the somber assessment of a growing number of child development experts who are alarmed by the lack of time and interest devoted to unstructured child's play in modern American culture.

"It's such a tragedy," said Jane Healy, a Colorado-based psychologist, educator and author of "Endangered Minds: Why Our Children Don't Think and What We Can Do About It."

"Adults have really lost touch with the basic needs of the child. It's parenting as product development," she said. "Everything about children's lives these days seems to be so serious, and play looks like it's not valuable enough.

"But most of the very highly creative and successful people in the long run are adults who can still adopt a playful attitude toward ideas. I just don't think parents -- or even policy-makers -- understand that children's spontaneous, self-generated play has tremendous potential to actually enhance brain development and increase kids' intelligence and academic ability."

Healy and others cite numerous examples of unstructured play -- initiated by children and powered by their creativity -- being curtailed:

Instead of pumping their legs to send a swing soaring toward the sky, millions of children spend afternoons sitting passively in front of a screen watching TV or playing a video or computer game created by someone else.

Instead of using their imaginations to build something from a set of wooden blocks, children are pushing buttons to activate an electronic toy programmed by an adult.

Instead of working off stress by running around the playground with their friends midway through the school day, millions of children are confined to classrooms by policies that have cut or eliminated recess to expand prep time for standardized tests.

Instead of kicking around a ball just for fun, young children -- some only 2 years old -- are signed up for weekly lessons in soccer, tennis and other sports.

Studies by the University of Michigan's Survey Research Center highlight this trend. Since the late 1970s, children have lost 12 hours per week in free time, including a 25 percent drop in play and a 50 percent drop in unstructured outdoor activities.

Meanwhile, time in structured sports has doubled.

In addition, the amount of homework increased dramatically between 1981 and 1997. For example, the amount given to 6- to 8-year-olds tripled during that time, according to the center.

Most child development experts believe that some structured activities, such as dance lessons or sports, can enhance children's development and learning. And many also believe there can be a limited place for television, computers and even electronic toys.

But these same experts are concerned that growing numbers of parents believe unstructured play is just a waste of time, despite decades of research showing that it is a crucial foundation for developing creativity, intellect and emotional and social skills.

"Part of the response [to that research] has been, 'OK, let's devote all this time in the early years to learning,' " said Alan Simpson, spokesman for the National Association for the Education of Young Children. "But that's an oversimplification. For young children particularly, play is a crucial part of how they learn."

Joan Almon, an educator and the national coordinator for the Alliance for Childhood, said she was upset recently by the blank look a class of kindergartners gave her when she asked them to pretend they were someone else.

"So, I told them how I used to pretend I was Wonder Woman and imagined I was flying. And one child said, 'I don't know how to do that.' "

Unstructured play -- especially unstructured physical play -- is just as important for older children, Almon and others say. But it's disappearing from their lives, too.

For one thing, homework has been ramped up for many students as part of the effort to boost standardized test scores.

In addition, many children attend child care centers after school. While the best centers offer opportunities for spontaneous play, others force children into structured activities designed to keep them busy and quiet.

Even children who go home after school aren't necessarily using their time in creative play. One recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation showed that a typical American student spends more than 30 hours a week sitting in front of a computer, television or video game, or listening to music.

Other children have fully booked schedules of organized activities, including sports, choir practice or dance lessons. These activities can be a wonderful way to learn a new skill and make new friends.

But they also can squeeze out time for unstructured play, experts note. In addition, they say, many parents see these activities as ammunition for college applications and push their children too hard to excel in them.

Playtime also is being diminished during school hours. The increased emphasis on standardized testing has meant the reduction or elimination of recess in an estimated 40 percent of U.S. elementary schools, according to the American Association for the Child's Right To Play, a 29-year-old group that helps parents lobby for school recess. In some school districts, such as Atlanta, schools are even being built without playgrounds.

Experts say that's the wrong thing to do, both in terms of child development and stemming the epidemic of childhood obesity.

"Children need to be able to take a break, just like adults," said Jon Hull, a policy analyst with the Council of State Governments, a nonprofit organization that has studied the school recess issue in Southern states. "Recess provides kids with an opportunity to talk with friends, play with a ball or just play on their own."

The increased emphasis on academics over play has reached even toddlers. One recent manifestation is the Bush administration's proposal to add more academics and structured learning to the federally funded Head Start program for low-income preschoolers.

The idea is to ensure that "young children enter school ready to learn to read ... thereby preventing many later reading difficulties," Susan Neuman, assistant U.S. Education Secretary for Elementary and Secondary Education, told Congress earlier this year.

Many education experts adamantly argue that early structured learning can help these youngsters combat their economic and social disadvantages.

But others counter that the Bush proposals leave little room for the kind of unstructured, playful exploration from which children learn best.

"I think many families are much too focused on trying to teach children concrete memory-based things, like their letters or numbers," said Stanley Greenspan, child development expert and author of "Playground Politics" and "The Secure Child."

"Those things are important, but memorizing doesn't teach you to think. Play -- what we call 'floortime,' which is getting on the floor and being imaginative with your children -- that is what teaches your child to be creative. It teaches them to think."

22.5.3.2 Creative play makes better problem-solvers


Wednesday, October 02, 2002

By Karen MacPherson, Post-Gazette Staff Writer

WASHINGTON -- Think back to the happiest moments of your childhood. Chances are they were times of carefree play and moments with little to do besides think your own thoughts.

Remember sitting on the grass watching ants scurry about; rounding up friends for a pick-up game of kickball; curling up with a comic book; testing out a new paper airplane design?

To adults, it may seem that these activities weren't particularly important. But child development specialists say they were crucial in cultivating your creativity and imagination, as well as expanding your intellectual, emotional and social skills.

In other words, unstructured child's play -- the kind with no rules, few gizmos and little or no adult direction -- packs a powerful developmental wallop.

Jane Healy, a psychologist, educator and author of "Failure to Connect: How Computers Affect Our Children's Minds and What We Can Do About It," says too many parents and policy-makers just don't understand the importance of play in children's development.

"Learning the multiplication tables and the alphabet are very important. But those skills need to reside inside a mind that has been expanded by the imaginative and joyous exploration of our environment and the possibility that it offers for fun," Healy says.

Play can be hard to define because it takes many shapes, from physical play to mental play to imaginative play.

But most experts agree that it can be divided into two main categories: child-initiated unstructured play and adult-led play.

Most children do lots of adult-led play. This includes organized sports, physical education classes and extracurricular activities where rules must be followed. Even the most preferred playthings, such as computers, video games and other electronic toys, are generally scripted by adults.

"I feel as if we are creating a culture where we are giving children all the content that we think they need for their imagination, without realizing that in the process we are stifling their imagination," said Joan Almon, an educator who heads the U.S. Alliance for Childhood.

With such a lack of child-initiated play, "we are short-circuiting a lot of their development," Healy adds. "That's because play is the way that children work out their emotional issues, their fears, their anxieties. It's the way they develop a self, a way they develop a sense that they are important people who have ideas to share and who can get along with other people."

There is, obviously, a role for parents, teachers and other adults in most child-initiated play. Adults must ensure children's safety. And they can provide materials or introduce new play opportunities, such as taking a child to a playground or helping a child meet other children.

But many well-meaning parents believe they must be "program directors for their children's intellectual development," Healy says.

Children, of course, have been playing for centuries. It was the 20th-century work of Jean Piaget that underlined the importance of play in children's development. Seymour Papert, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor who created the LOGO computer language, writes that Piaget showed us "children are not empty vessels to be filled with knowledge but active builders of knowledge -- little scientists who are constantly creating and testing their own theories of the world."

Diane Levin, the Wheelock College professor and author of "Remote Control Childhood? Combating the Hazards of Media Culture," gives an example of Piaget's theory. She describes watching a kindergartner named Tanaka carefully draw lines of various colors to create boxes of different sizes and shapes on pieces of scrap paper.

Inadvertently, Levin said, Tanaka dropped paint into the middle of one box. Dismayed, she stared at the drip for a minute. Then she smiled and began making dot patterns in her other boxes.

Levin notes that Tanaka began her playtime with something she found interesting -- painting. As she painted, Tanaka tried out new colors and different sizes of boxes. Suddenly, she was presented with an unexpected challenge: a paint drip in the middle of a carefully wrought painting. Tanaka had to figure out what to do and gained a sense of "mastery" by solving the problem.

"We might even conjecture," Levin said, "that she would probably not have become as skillful at the tasks and concept she is working on without this rich play process."

Such creative play vividly contrasts with what experts call the "imitative" play of so many children these days. Levin describes watching a 4-year-old boy grab a toy knife and stick it repeatedly into an action figure from a violent children's television show, shouting, "You're dead, you're dead."

"He was using his toys and props in limited and repetitive ways that seem to be determined by how the toys look," Levin said.

She and other child development specialists are disturbed by the dramatic increase in this kind of play in the past 20 years. A main culprit, they argue, is the type of toys children play with.

More and more toys are "licensed," meaning they are based on television shows, movies and sometimes books.

Unlike "open-ended" toys, such as clay and blocks that can be used in numerous ways, media-based toys are generally single-purpose playthings.

"They 'tell' children how to play and can channel them into playing particular themes in particular ways -- merely using the toys to try to imitate what they see on the TV and movie screen," Levin says. "As a result, their imagination, creativity and ability to find interesting problems to explore and solve -- the very foundation that contributes to children's success in school -- can all be undermined."

Since the deregulation of children's television in 1984, there has been an explosion of licensed toys. At least half of all new toys this year are licensed, and experts predict that the number will continue to increase.

"To the extent children's toy shelves become dominated by these highly structured toys, their play and learning can suffer," Levin argues. "Still worse, because many of the most popular shows linked to toys have violent themes, what children often are channeled into imitating is violence."

Levin and others worry about the long-term consequences of such play. But they also remain optimistic that the situation can be changed.

"While it is unfortunate that in today's world of increased time constraints, parents and teachers need to take a more active and deliberate role in ensuring that children's play meets their needs, in the long run their efforts will pay off," Levin says.

"Children will demonstrate increased levels of independence, resourcefulness and competence as a result of creative play."

Rhonda Clements, a Hofstra University professor and head of the American Association for the Child's Right to Play, adds that no one knows exactly what academic or life skills are going to be necessary 20 years down the road.

"But one thing we can bet on is that we will still need people who can solve problems, which is one benefit of play. The people who brought us the technology of today were obviously wonderful players," Clements says.

22.5.3.3 Experts call unstructured play essential to children's growth


Thursday, October 03, 2002

By Karen MacPherson, Post-Gazette Staff Writer

WASHINGTON -- Parents, do you want to increase your children's academic potential, social skills and creativity? Let them experience boredom.

That's the advice of child development specialists who want to see American children spend more time in unstructured play and less time in structured activities or zoned out in front of an electronic screen.

Giving your children a break from organized activities and electronic baby-sitters could very well mean sentencing them to boredom, at least at first.

But experts say that when deprived of anything else to do, children will find a way to amuse themselves -- even if it means simply daydreaming.

And that's exactly the point: letting children use their own creativity to fill some of their time. In the process, they will be giving a workout to their mental, emotional and social skills.

"Parents worry about kids' boredom, so they schedule their lives to keep them busy," says Alvin Rosenfeld, a child psychiatrist who is co-author, with Nicole Wise, of "The Over-scheduled Child."

"But empty hours teach children how to create their own happiness."

Richard Louv, senior editor of the Washington, D.C.-based group Connect for Kids, adds that "children need adults in their lives who understand the relationship between boredom and creativity -- and are willing to set the stage so that kids can create the play."

Parents can help children get the most out of unstructured play by ensuring their safety and keeping the electronic screens turned off. Parents also might provide materials (paints, clay, etc.) and even gentle suggestions, if necessary. A good new source of ideas is the book "Family Fun Boredom Busters," edited by Deanna Cook. Other books can easily be found in a local library.

Parents need to remember, however, that their role isn't one of camp director.

"Constructively bored kids eventually turn to a book, or build a fort, or pull out the paints ... and create, or come home sweaty from a game of neighborhood basketball. But kids need the guidance of parents or other adults if their boredom is to be constructive, and lead to creativity," Louv said.

Sharna Olfman, an associate professor of psychology at Point Park College, cautions parents to expect children to be balky at first. There may be increased bickering among siblings and lots of whining.

"It would be easier just to give in and throw a video on," Olfman says. "But it's really so much better to let your child be bored. Amazingly enough, they will eventually think of something to do."

Katrina Kenison, author of "Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers In a Hurry," notes that most of today's adults learned the benefits of boredom as children.

"Left to our own amusements, we found resources that we didn't know we had. ... These were valuable lessons -- and I fear that our own busy, well-entertained children may not ever have the chance to learn them. Inventiveness and self-reliance are being scheduled right out of them."

Child development experts acknowledge that finding time for unstructured play isn't easy. It's particularly difficult for single parents and for families who live in rough neighborhoods where playing outside isn't an option.

But the benefits of unstructured play are so great that experts urge parents to try to find an hour a week for it. And they offer these tips to make getting started easier:

This is the most important recommendation, most experts say. And they admit that it's probably the most difficult, both for the children who will pout and for their parents who use TV to give themselves a breather.

Because studies have shown that children watch television an average of 38 hours per week, cutting back can free a good-sized chunk of time for unstructured play. There's another benefit, says James Steyer, a Stanford University law professor and author of "The Other Parent: The Inside Story of the Media's Effect on Our Children."

"If another adult spent five or six hours a day with your kids, regularly exposing them to sex, violence and rampantly commercial values, you would probably forbid that person to have further contact with them," Steyer says. "Yet most of us passively allow the media to expose our kids routinely to these same behaviors ... and do virtually nothing about it."

Most children spend hours each day at computers, playing with hand-held game devices or watching videos in the car.

Families can set a daily limit that allows time for your child to be unplugged and left to his or her own devices.

Increasing unstructured play time doesn't require a big investment in new toys. Some basic art supplies, library books and objects collected from nature (acorns, etc.) can keep kids busy for quite some time.

"A 3-year-old is just as happy with a packing box as with the computer" that came in it," contends Jane Healy, a Colorado-based child development expert and author of "Endangered Minds: Why Children Don't Think and What We Can Do About It."

Stanley Greenspan, a child psychologist, urges parents to remember one key fact: "The value of a toy is proportional to the degree that it invites imagination and creativity."

Joan Almon, coordinator for the U.S. Alliance for Childhood, tells the story of two girls who were comparing notes about their dolls. One girl had an electronically enhanced doll and boasted: "My doll can say 500 words!" The other girl was holding an old-fashioned cloth doll and countered: "My doll can say anything I want her to say."

dot.gif As much as possible, send your children outside to play.

Playing outside promotes more running around, which helps your child sleep better at night and helps battle the obesity epidemic among America's youngsters.

Experts also advise parents to ensure recess during school time. Like adults, kids need a break from their work. Yet many schools have cut or eliminated recess to increase instructional time and preparation for standardized tests.

"A study done on fourth-graders a few years ago found that if you compare children who have had recess and those who have not had recess at the same time of day, the children who didn't have recess were more fidgety and less on task," said Olga Jarrett, a University of Georgia early childhood education professor who has researched the recess issue.

"I suspect that a lot of what we are seeing in terms of hyperactivity in kids may be related to the inappropriateness of the school day for children's physical needs. When you look at a school day with no breaks, you have to wonder how an adult would function in the same situation."

"This can show children that adults value their play," Levin says.

It's not necessary to join in, although that's possible, too, as long as parents don't try to take over. In fact, one highly successful parenting strategy involves spending time each day with your child doing whatever he or she chooses to do.

During this "special time," the child makes the decisions, controls the flow of the play and assigns all roles. It's unstructured play time for your child, yet you get to participate.

Designating some special time with your child forces parents "to slow down, to alter the rhythm of our daily lives in order to make time for each other," Kenison writes in "Mitten Strings for God."

"Given our other obligations and the length of our to-do lists, it is all too easy to forget the good stuff -- namely, how much we actually like our own kids as people, how much we enjoy their company, and how important it is for us to have fun together."

22.5.4 Self-esteem

One should always shower ones children with love and hugs. This assists in the development of their self-esteem. Bedwetting is a problem that stems from lack of positive complements to the child. Each night when putting the child to sleep one should complement and state how one believes in them and their potential. Overlook mistakes and give encouragement.

One must spend time with ones child. If the child feels that she is the most important thing to the parents, then she will grow up close to her parents’ values. If a child is asking or behaving in a way completely out of the ordinary it is usually a cry that the parents notice them and give them attention.

A teenage child may rebel and be testy. One must encourage her with complements. This gives her confidence to be successful in all challenges. When the child comes from divorced parents one should accept the child’s discussion of both sides so that the child feels right about her parents.

We must know that the illumination of our children stems from the blessings we recite that draw forth souls from heaven.[2486]

Text 22-4: Likutey Moharan #14:4
This is what our Sages teach (Nedarim 81a): “Why do Torah scholars not have sons who are Torah scholars? Because they [the fathers] did not first recite the blessing over the Torah.”25 Every person, and especially the Torah scholar, must bless and illuminate, through his Torah study, into the root of the souls—namely, the “first[2487] in thought.” For that is where our source is.26

Therefore when a person brings a radiance and blessing into the first/beginning of thought,[2488] and through this the souls shine and are blessed, then when he draws down a soul for his son, he certainly draws a pure and clear soul. Thus his son will also be a Torah Scholar.27

However, when he does not radiate and bless the first/beginning through his study of Torah, then, when he draws a soul for his son, this soul has the quality of “I am asleep” (Song of Songs 5:2).28 It does not shine. This is why his son will not be a Torah scholar. And this is the meaning of, “Because they did not first recite the blessing over the Torah;” [“first”] alluding to the source of the souls and corresponding to “Israel arose first in thought.”


25. did not first recite the blessing.... The Talmud (ad. Loc.) asks: How can it be that a Torah scholar’s son not develop into a scholar? It answers: This happens because, before studying, the Torah scholar himself did not first recite the daily Torah blessings, thanking God for the Torah. The commentaries explain that they studied Torah as a wisdom, not as the word of God through which man can come closer to Him and know His ways.

26. first in thought...source is. Rebbe Nachman explains the above Talmudic passage this way: The scholars did not bless “the first,” they did not look to awaken the beginning of the Torah—its source in Divine thought. They failed to illuminate the source so that it did not shine brightly from the start. Thus, the first/the beginning was not proper. As a result, their children do not become scholars. Because they did not awaken the source from where the soul of their offspring was drawn, it came down darkened, unlit and thus unable on their own to radiate in Torah.
The Mai HaNachal adds that reciting the blessings over the Torah, that is, thanking God for the Torah and praising Him for it, affords one’s Torah study this very power to bless and illuminate its beginning, its source. It is therefore interesting to note that the Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 47:1) states: “One must be extremely vigilant in reciting the Torah Blessings.” Such a stringent tone regarding the reciting of a blessing has no parallel anywhere else in the Codes. Yet, with what Rebbe Nachman has just explained the need to this vigilance is quite understandable.
We find in the Torah Blessings the words, “He has chosen us from all the nations and given us His Torah...” The Mabuey HaNachal explains that this alludes to faith in God and the Torah. We trust that God has chosen and prepared our souls to be at the source—God’s thought, and we believe that the Torah has the power to awaken our souls and direct us to repent. In this sense, the Torah is unique. No wisdom, no matter how deeply it is studied, has the power to inspire or connect to man’s upper soul. The Mabuey HaNachal also mentions that this blessing and illuminating of the source through one’s Torah study is in essence the concept of lishmah, the studying of Torah for its own sake (cf. Lesson #12, nn. 5, 9).

27. his son...scholar. This is because he illuminated this particular soul at its source.
Elsewhere, Rebbe Nachman explains this in greater detail. He mentions that everything a person does influences and has a part in the “beginning” and affects the source. Thus, for example, “when a child is conceived, his conception is affected by the food previously eaten by his parents. They must sanctify and bless this beginning, namely the things that precede conception, such as eating.” Thus, a person who is careful about everything he does in the “beginning” assures a radiant and clear soul for his child. This is because he is careful that all the “beginnings” were as proper and as pure as possible (Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom #132).

28. asleep. This is in contrast to the aroused and awakened soul, mentioned above. By not blessing the first/the beginning, the soul drawn into this world is asleep. It does not shine wand will have great difficulty becoming a scholar.
[2489]

22.5.5 Stories


Text 22-5: Bags are packed
Rabbi Meir Cohen’s wife had a store to support the household. Rabbi Meir always told her to be meticulously honest in its operation. The weights were checked each day and the prices were set fairly. Hence, the store was rather popular; while not providing an excessive income. One day she was at home and she noticed her husband packing a small suitcase. Trusting fully in her husband she did not ask about the bag. The bag stayed close to the bed each night and still, Rabbi Meir did not tell his wife about any planned trip and she did not ask.

Finally, the holiday of Rosh Hashanah arrived and Rabbi Meir was making a sermon in his shul. He spoke about how important it is to show absolute faith and trust in Hashem. For example, he said that one must believe absolutely that Hashem will redeem him just as he brought out the Israelites from Egypt in the exodus to Israel. Moreover, one should believe that this can occur this very day and live with that optimism. Hence, he said, “you may even prepare a suitcase for the occasion.” Rabbi Meir’s wife now understood.

After I told this story to my wife and baby, she asked me, “where is your suitcase?”

22.6 Getting Along with Others and Homeland

The sons of Bilhah were Dan and Naphtali and those of Zilpah were Asher and Gad. Joseph got along with the children of the maidens.[2490] Jerusalem is in the territory of Benjamin. North of there is the territory of Ephraim and north of Ephraim is Mannaseh’s land extending to the southern tip of the Sea of the Galilee. North of Mannaseh is Issachar and Zebulin. Issachar dwelled in tents studying Torah by the merit of Zebulin, who provided material support. Dan’s portion is where Tel-Aviv is today along the central to northern coastline. Asher’s is above that on the coastline.

“Moses, blessed each of the twelve tribes...to the tribe of Zebulun, Moses said, ...”rejoice in your ‘going out’”. To Issachar he said...” in thy tents”. Commentaries explain that the people of Zebulun were merchants and the people of Issachar were Torah scholars. Zebulun provided the monetary support for Issachar, allowing his tribe to study Torah without financial worry, while Issachar learned Torah in Zebulun’s honor and shared with them the rewards of their Torah learning. Each tribe had very different responsibilities, life styles and needs.”

Our Hebrew names are our spiritual roots. My cousin Avraham Ellenbogen lives in Beer Sheva, much like Abraham Avinu who chose that place as his home.

Maternal Grandparents
Aryeh Lev served as gabai of his shul, which meant he maintained the order of services, distributed aliyahs, gave out prayer books, and assisted guests. He was a quiet man with a good heart. His strength was calmness and a good temperament. He was not prone to anger.

My maternal grandmother was a charitable woman who sent care packages to her relatives in Israel at the beginning of Israel’s statehood when there were few supplies. When I visited Israel, I found that she is well remembered by Sima Talmon of Kibbutz Maale HaHamisha. She was a dynamic lady who enjoyed entertaining guests and socializing.

Paternal Grandparents
My grandmother was a righteous woman who would fast Monday and Thursday, while my grandfather sought for hiding places during the Holocaust. She read T’hillim and Tanach for hours each day. She was a pious woman with a saintly heart. She died on Erev Rosh Hodesh before sunset on the last day of Adar.

I remember one particular story she would tell me emphatically from Ezekiel. This was the story of the “Valley of Dry Bones”. G-d set Ezekiel down in a valley and all around were bones. G-d asked Ezekiel, “Can these bones yet live?” Ezekiel responded, “Oh G-d, only thou knowest.” G-d said prophesy unto these bones that they should have flesh upon them and spirit within them. Ezekiel prophesied and it happened. G-d said:

Text 22-6: The Restoration of the House of Israel

Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel; although, they say, our bones are dried,
and our hope is lost: we are cut off; they will yet rise up and I will bring
them back into the land of Israel.
(Ezekiel 37:11-12)

My grandmother’s favorite saying was “Everything will work out for the best.” Her favorite charity was the Rabbi Meir Baal Haness Z”l center, the miracle worker, in Tiberias, Israel. My Grandmother obtained the following teaching perhaps from a Rabbi and wrote it down for me:

Text 22-7: Tikkun for Agnosticism
We cannot know for sure if G-d exists, but we have an innate conviction that He does,
and that the teachings of the skeptics leads only down a dark and lonely path.

My grandmother had two daughters. Hilda, the oldest lives in Germany. Lunia, died in the Holocaust as a baby. There are tragedies in the Holocaust too painful to recount. Like the moon which waxes and wanes, Lunia’s life waned too fast. What are the meanings of these tragedies? What does G-d want us to learn?

Great Uncle
My great uncle Joseph and his family were murdered in the holocaust.[2491] My maternal grandmother’s brother was very kind and caring for the needs of those around him. He was a good family man. He lived in Germany and had two children. When Hitler rose to power he had the choice of leaving to Poland or another country like Switzerland. Since he had two sisters in Poland, he chose Poland, while his wife’s parents went to Switzerland and survived.

Meditation 22-1: Nuriel, Vowel Ascents, Tiferet Souls, the Pomegranate of Eden, and the Smile
Ira led the meditation at Beth Shalom.[2492] We started with Michael on the right, Gavriel on the left, Uriel in front, and Raphael behind. I had an experience of Nuriel descending directly upon me. I experienced tremendous power without emotion; the total balance of the Angel. The power was overwhelming and I opened my eyes to look at the candlelight. The light (NaRiel) of the candles balanced the Angel’s energy within me and He ascended. The angels at my sides parted their hands and I inserted my own between them and we rose.

Around me the world of Malchuts was blue with the glistening of gem stone lights along cave walls. Above me the deep blue sky was parting and we passed through into the orange landscape of Yesod. The intrusion of the light of a living soul attracted the angels around. I then pronounced the name yy with the vowel ‘T’ and ascended to Tiferets. There I stood in the Garden[2493] and saw the bright light of a soul before me. I inquired who he was and he responded, “Look into my soul and you shall know me.” He wore a continuous smile on his face and I saw that he was my great uncle Joseph, Z”l whose name I bear. He asked me if I would like him to show me around? I asked to see the Tree of Knowledge. It stood by the Tree of Life but was smaller. I asked what is the fruit it bears? He said look and you will know. I saw a red fruit. It was a pomegranate. I asked, why is the pomegranate the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge? He said, each seed is like a fruit in its own right and this reflects all of creation. There are worlds within worlds. I asked, what is the secret of peace and happiness? He took me up to the world of Daat and I saw the parting of Abba and Imma.[2494] I entered the space between them. The space of Daat is not a world, but the revelation of knowledge. I saw the answer was in his smile. To always wear a smile is to give contentment to others and thus oneself. I asked, what is the secret of how to wear a smile? He said one must let negative energy leave the body. Negative energy can leave via the eyes. One’s eyes can also bless others.


Table 22-1: Father’s Family Tree
Ancestor
1st Generation
2nd Generation
3rd Generation
4th Generation
Ovadiah (great-grandfather)
Moshe (Max) d.10th Tevet



Helen

Hilda (Hanah) + Joseph




Jacob (Benyo) + Elenor
David
Carrie

Lea (great-grandmother)
Sarah (Sala Lachs, Sara Gerber)[2495] d.29th Adar I, Psalm 34



Abraham (Sarah’s brother)

Abraham Tzvi (Hirsch - Herman-Hesio)[2496] d.25th Adar I – March 1st 2010, favorite Psalm 20
Yosef Natan (Jeffrey Nathan + Suhi - שוחי) [2497]
Moshe Aryeh Lieb (Moshe Louis) – משה אריה לייב
Avraham Tzvi –[2498] אברהם צבי
Joseph (Sarah’s brother)


Jacob Ovadiah (Steven Jay + Rachel)
Max Leib – named after Max Spiegel.
Ari Joseph – named after Aryeh Lev.


Lunia – died in the Holocaust



Some taught me that the Hebrew alphabet is the Torah. He taught me how beautiful it is to kiss the mezuzah when walking by. Finally he restored my faith in the Messiah.[2499]


Table 22-2: Mother’s Family Tree
Ancestor
1st Generation
2nd Generation
3rd Generation
4th Generation
Nathan Ellenbogen
+
Pearl Lazer











Louis Abraham – לייב b.1900 d.23.Aug.70 – d.21st.Av
Aryeh Lev is his Hebrew name on a JNF honorary plaque.
Ruth – 1940







Rosland, Laura

Davie

Took care of Davie and his sister.

Ruth


Pearl
Silvia












Marlene
Jeffrey – born @ 8:35 PM
1st of Adar II, 5722 Tuesday evening,
Yom Reveee (4th day of the week), Rosh Hodesh








Jeff (Yosef Natan)
Steve (Yaakov Ovadiah)















Max (Moshe?)
+
Sarah
Minnie (Mindel - מינדל) Lobel b.25.Sept.1903 d.26.Sept.70 d.25.Elul





Annie

Fay

Rose Slaven

Harry Lobel (was a jolly, good funny man, but didn’t have children)

Ester
Ruth


Pearl
Silvia


Marty Kittower











Marlene

Madeline Fish

Sarah Blech

Peppi Cohen

Herhel Alfrohom

Leizer Yohoshua

Mirael Nachamen
Jeff (Yosef Natan)
Steve (Yaakov Ovadiah)




Elyse












Rosh Hodesh Adar 5764 – watched the ‘The Ideal Husband’. This is a good movie about character under trying circumstances, a Victorian society film combining themes from Nathaniel Hawthorne with the flare of Shakespeare—highly recommended.

22.7 Mission

The Jewish mission is to enlighten the world with Torah. We must go door-to-door to share our wisdom, to counter false beliefs, and to elevate Jewish self-esteem. Both Jewish men and Jewish women should serve a mission. We need to establish Jewish Institutes of Learning so that singles will have places to meet and marry. These should be collocated with colleges and universities. Jewish singles should have their own places of worship to facilitate meetings. Jewish single synagogues should have non-paid clergy.

22.8 Relationships

The angels in heaven are Hayot,[2500] beings similar in relationship to G-d as animals are in relation to man.[2501] The Midrash asks:

Text 22-8: Perkei Avot: “Who is honored”
Who is honored?
He who honors all living beings (Kal HaBriyot).

The Midrash teaches that one must show honor for other living creatures not just human beings. The word love, ahavah in Hebrew is of the same root as yahav, the word for ‘give’ in Aramaic. This teaches us to love is to give. The Gemara teaches us to give three prutah, small coins, as tzedakah before prayer. That is to say, even the gift of three small coins is as significant in G-d’s eyes as an act of love.

In order for God to have created the world, he withdrew from the ‘center’ to make a space.[2502] Nevertheless, because nothing can exist without God, a kav, a ray of light reentered the space to sustain creation. Similarly, when people want to learn to love, they must also withdraw from the center. They must grow out of the point of being children in the center of attention to let the relationship occur.

Hashem creates the world with words, but rests on Shabbat. Yet, the world cannot exist without Hashem continuously recreating it. During the week, this is with words, but on Shabbat, G-d rests. From here, we learn that Hashem sustains the world with thought on Shabbat. Unlike words, thought does not distort. Thought is Hashem’s intended creation in perfect form, His Thought. This is why Friday night is so special a time for intimacy. At this moment, we are closest to Hashem’s intention.

Jewish love is to be in love with the idea of marriage, not necessarily with one’s spouse. The idea of marriage perseveres, even when the newness of love wears off. In love, there is unity, one body. This means that when the other’s body is ailing one feels for the suffering and vice-versa. To be in love with the idea of marriage means to give and fulfill commandments.

The Ayn Aur, an infinite light surrounds all of creation. Angels reside in this place; this is the world of Yetzirah. Why do we bid the angels ‘goodbye’ so soon after we greet them on Shabbat? This is because when they arrive at the Shabbat observant house, the heat of the spirit of observance so overwhelms them that they cannot bear to stay in its presence.[2503] Yet, we know that they dwell in heaven so what could be more overwhelming here on Earth. The unity of God’s presence with his people overwhelms the experience of the angels in heaven. Why is there no blessing before intimacy? There is a blessing that one recites as part of the marriage ceremony sanctifying intimacy and progeny from the relationship. Yet, when one says a blessing, one must act upon it immediately for it to last. This teaches that all of the marriage between husband and wife is intimacy, not just the sexual act that is separated by spates of time. Intimacy is not just sex.[2504]

Text 22-9: 6 things women love about men
By Laura Gilbert (match.com)

Guys, have you ever worried you don’t have that elusive something that women crave? Perhaps you think you lack a devil-may-care attitude that the ladies love, or that you don’t have a Jon Stewart-esque wit that would win someone’s heart. Relax! We spoke to relationship experts and women across the country and learned that those attributes men believe are impressive just don’t cut it. In fact, the qualities that attract women may surprise you... and, chances are, you possess at least one of them. Learn how to embrace these six traits for dating success.

1. She loves that you’re a man of few words
It’s no secret that women love to communicate with the men in their lives. “Women like to connect, and when that happens, they will melt,” says Emerson E. Eggerichs, Ph.D., author of Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs. Of course, when most men hear that, they cringe, thinking it means long, drawn-out talks about every feeling either of you has ever had since you met. Wrong! According to Dr. Eggerichs, women don’t need lots of verbiage from men. The truth is, your lady can get the same communication from you via eye contact — without a single word being uttered. Simply stand face-to-face with her, look into her eyes, and show your affection with a simple physical gesture — say, holding her arm or caressing her face. “It’s in their very nature for women to want you to look at them,” Dr. Eggerichs explains. “Infant girls make eye contact with adults who are around them, while boys make eye contact but look away if there’s a mobile, ceiling fan or anything else to distract them overhead.” Cultivate your connection with a little unabashed eye contact, and you’ll be on the fast track to winning her heart.

2. She loves your hairy body — really!
Wait, she likes your what?! That’s right, go ahead and cancel that back-waxing appointment. A study at the Zoological Society of San Diego (of people, not animals) revealed that women are more attracted to men with furry bodies, regardless of the silhouette. Scientists theorize that body hair advertises good health and active hormones, making it a positive sign in the selection of a mate. For further proof, just listen to Laura McNeely of Spring, TX: “I always love noticing that a guy, especially a clean-cut one, has a little bit of chest hair sticking up out of his Oxford shirt. It’s like saying, ‘I may have an uptight job, but there’s a caveman lurking inside.’”

3. She loves your unnatural emotional attachment to your favorite sports team
Most men learn by their teens to downplay their obsession with professional sports in front of the ladies. But dating coach David Wygant says that revealing certain elements of your big-league insanity to a woman will make her feel more connected to you. “Men try to hide when our eyes get all wet during the last 30 seconds of a game or when we see our fellow men get all emotional on the sidelines, but after a long season, we need that emotional release,” Wygant says. And the truth is, women would rather see you get sappy over sports than never see you act mushy at all — it lets them know there’s a sensitive guy underneath. And if you are prone to hugging your friends after your team wins? You just added some bonus points!

4. She loves when you act tough
While women often want an evolved, emotionally available man these days, putting a little “wild man” demeanor into your repertoire can equal popularity on the dating scene. “Most women want bad-boy qualities so they don’t have to act perfect all the time,” says Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less. After all, if a woman is afraid to be anything less than perfect in front of you, your relationship will be stifled and you’ll both end up bored. Anne Giddens of Wilmington, NC, adds: “A lot of guys are total gentlemen on dates, so being with someone who mouths off a bit shows that he’ll protect me if something happens. And that, in turn, makes me feel girlie and taken care of. It’s a total turn-on.” Hint at your bad-boy side by being slightly protective of your girl when someone else talks to her, suggesting thrill-type dates — which can increase adrenaline production and promote physical attraction — or simply planning a date without consulting her (spontaneity in general is a good thing). Of course, don’t do anything that’s actually disrespectful or dangerous — that’s not the kind of bad-boy behavior anyone wants.

5. She loves your artistic side
You don’t need a massive paycheck to appeal to the ladies. They actually find the “I’m working on a screenplay” lifestyle alluring. One study found that artists and poets had experienced a total of 4-10 romantic partners, while people with less creative jobs had three. According to the study’s author, Daniel Nettle, Ph.D., a psychology lecturer at Newcastle University in the UK, creative people tend to be charismatic and their artistic pursuits are particularly interesting to others. The study also found that the number of romantic partners an artsy type had increased when he spent more time on creative, right-brained pursuits. And you don’t have to be a starving artist to appeal to women. Even if you’re an investment analyst, you might play the saxophone on the side. So flaunt that hobby — women dig guys with creativity.

6. She loves your geeky electronics obsession
Your wall of speaker cords. Your closet full of video games. Your wireless universe. Believe it or not, the very things that women roll their eyes about can also be the things that draw them in, too. “When a guy shows a woman some new gadget, it shows his intelligence,” says Andrea Miller, founder and CEO of YourTango.com, an online magazine about love, dating and sex. “It’s also always attractive when someone has a passion.” May Beach from Pine Hill, NJ, agrees: “Sometimes when I see my boyfriend working furiously at his laptop, it’s the most endearing thing,” she admits. “It’s like the difference between knowing a guy speaks a foreign language — ho-hum — and hearing him converse fluently in it — hot!” So don’t be afraid to share your excitement about a bit of computer hardware — just don’t expect her to stand in line overnight with you, waiting with bated breath for it to hit the shelves.

22.9 Home

Choosing a home is an important item for spiritual inspiration. Particularly beneficial for meditation is a home that has windows facing east. A view of mountains or water will help ones inspiration. Size is not as significant in a home as pleasant scenery and a quiet location. Ever notice that most temples (churches) are designed with steeples or spires. Within our mental code, such images remind us of mountains where water, herbs, and wildlife are found. Most importantly, such visages remind us of our insignificance and deflate anger, worry, and self-indulgence.

22.10 Orphan

Sometimes a person is an orphan and doesn’t know where he comes from. In some ways, each of us needs to make a decision on our own identity, who we will be.

Text 22-10: Duncan McCloud to Richie: Highlander “Family Tree”
You get to decide who you are, not many people get that chance.

Sometimes a person becomes an orphan by forgetting where they came from.

22.11 Friends

“The purpose of basic training is to discover the personality of your core central being.”[2505]

22.12 Lifecycle

Jack Riemer has researched and written on the Jewish perspective of matters of the end of life:

http://reformjudaismmag.org/Printitem/index.cfm?id=3024&type=Articles

22.13 Safety

22.13.1 Car seats for babies / toddlers

They are essential particularly in unpredictable traffic where they easily save lives. Particularly important in the rare end collision.

22.13.2 Seat belts

Prevent the catapulting effect where an adult could go into the back seat injuring a child.

22.13.3 RUA

• Recognize the hazards that the conditions could present.
• Understand the defense when encountering a challenging roadway situation.
• Act correctly, in time, to avoid a hazard, collision, or violation.

22.13.4 Car Mirrors

Lean head to left window and adjust mirror until you just can’t see the side of your car.
Lean to the right as far as you can and adjust mirror until you just can’t see the side of your car.

22.13.5 What if?

Drive with the idea of what could go wrong at any time to reduce taking risks. Visualize the consequences.[2506] Understand the risks of anger.[2507]

22.13.6 Distracted driving

Cell phone usage – 4x collision risk
Eye off of road for 2 sec in 6 sec period – 2x collision risk
Conversations while driving reduce scanning. Up to half of the environment is not recognized. The more intense the conversation the less attention is paid to the environment.
Thinking about other subjects reduces awareness of driving.
Texting impairs driving visually, mentally, and physically.

Table 22-3: Impairment driving risk
Action
Collision risk
Dialing cell phone
2-3x
Texting
23x
Reaching for moving object
9x
Looking at external objects
3.7x
Reading
3.4x
Applying makeup
3x


22.13.7 Sleep

Age 20+ need minimum of 8 hours of sleep per night and 19- need minimum of 9 hours of sleep per night. 35% of people do not get this minimum! Impairment is most at 2-4 PM when circadian rhythms seek a second sleep period.

22.13.8 Aggressive driving

Most often caused by a feeling of loss of control in some area of one’s person’s life. “Don’t add insult to injury.”



[2479] “Should Little Kids Be Forced to Share in Preschool?” http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/little-kids-forced-share-preschool-115803253--abc-news-parenting.html
[2480] Moshe Louis January 2012.
[2481] Star Trek Next Generation, Episode 265: Homeward
[2482] Lessons that I learn from my father, Avraham Tzvi ben Moshe
[2483] Tish B’Av 5760
[2484] See Text 2-145: To Hear is Wisdom p.156
[2485] See 22.3.1
[2486] Likutey Moharan, Volume 1B, Rebbi Nachman of Breslov, trans. and edited by Moshe Mykoff, annotated by Chaim Kramer, pp.301-303
[2487] That is to remember G-d.
[2488] Ibid.
[2489] ‘And the Saints go Marching On’ tune.
[2490] See Parsha Vayeshev
[2491] My first name Yosef is after him while my middle name Nathan is after my maternal great-grandfather. In Judaism if one is named after someone whose life was short, one takes upon oneself a middle name of someone who lived to a ripe old age so that the soul forces are blended for the good in oneself.
[2492] Yesod in Tiferets on the Counting of the Omer – April 24, 1996
[2493] Upper of Garden of Eden
[2494] Father and mother.
[2495] Eat modestly, small portions advice for health.
[2496] Hersh is a deer. Tzvi is a deer in Hebrew. Tzvi brother of Sarah. Abraham was Sarah’s father.
[2497] Suhi is from Saknyeong Choe from the lineage of the 1st born sons of Choe Hang: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Saknyeong_Choe_clan, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choe_Hang_(Joseon_civil_minister), http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choi_(Korean_name)#Saknyeong. ‘Choe Hang (1409–1474) was a prominent civil minister (called munsin) and scholar of the Saknyeong Choe clan during the Joseon Dynasty. In 1434, the 16th year of Sejong the Great's reign, as he passed gwageo or the civil minister exam, with the highest score, he was appointed to the title of Buchucan (副修撰) at the Hall of Worthies (Jiphyeonjeon). He participated in helping the king create Hangul, the Korean alphabet. He also devoted himself to compiling Dongguk tonggam and Gyeongguk daejeon (The Code of Law).’
[2498] Tzvi means deer as he was named after Herman Spiegel whose name Hirsch meant deer.
[2499] See 11.8 Yinnon lest the Sun has waxed away p.315
[2500] Hayot is the Hebrew word for animals as well.
[2501] Rivkah Slonim, SUNY Binghamton Chabad director speaking at SLC retreat 8/01/03
[2502] Ibid.
[2503] Ibid.
[2504] As for a blessing before sex, we are instructed not to recite blessings in vain and we do not know ahead of time what will occur.
[2505] Mani Sayeedi
[2506] http://www.utahsafetycouncil.org
[2507] Safety Media Library Catalog - Utah Safety Council: WHAT IF? (DVD). 2007. 425. 86. A DUI STORY: WHAT IF? (SP DVD). 2008. 877. 86 ...... MANAGING ANGER TO PREVENT VIOLENCE (DVD). 2007. 715. 75 ... http://www.utahsafetycouncil.org/assets/pdf/safety_media_description_book.pdf

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