15 Marriage
15.1 Arguments
Hashem has prepared the remedy even before the sickness. Resolving
arguments is based on persistence, but not in dialog; rather persistence in
giving ones spouse hugs until she accepts. Listening is as important as
resolving problems, but there is no substitute for a good solution. Babies need
to be cared for within reason and health. A baby needs to change position so a
vertical seat like a bouncer can serve in place of carrying the baby to avoid
back injury. A mother’s health is as important as the baby, so plenty of
rest, good meals, exercise, friendship, and companionship are all important.
One should not separate oneself from the community in order to preserve a
network for helping each other and decision-making. Life cycle events require
careful care.
Ironically religion can create communities or barriers.
Most change religions because of communities while some because of theology.
Nevertheless, one should not cut ones shoots and instead try to establish a
community where one is not found.
15.2 Failure
Purpose
The Jewish community must make an extraordinary effort to facilitate the
marriages of their youth. Current approaches of separating singles due to
concern of improper relationships have disabled matches, often leading to
intermarriage due to dating between singles who do meet. Shabbat services have
become a weekly Russian roulette game where the chance of singles having a
chance to talk at a kiddush, let alone during a service could take months to
occur. The men/women separation barrier, the mechitzah, only obscures singles
from knowing who might be available, let alone giving them a chance to sit close
by so that they might say hello.
Text
15-1: Jewish birth rate
“The Jewish birth rate today is so low that studies predict that by
the year 2035 the current world Jewish population of fourteen million will be
down to fire or six million
souls.”
[1534]The
low Jewish birth rate has as much to do with the difficulty of Jewish people
finding each other for marriage and marrying later as it does with
intermarriage. Clearly the way Torah is applied today in the Jewish community
is interfering with people meeting each other, delaying marriage, and promoting
intermarriage.
The old saying goes, “As difficult is it for
Hashem to make a match as to create the world.” So many factors come into
play in being able to arrange a successful match that after an Egyptian slave
owner asked what has Hashem been doing since the creation of the world, the
answer given to her, is making matches. So many have given up on finding a
Jewish spouse; yet, a person may wake up one day especially after being
intermarried realizing:
[1535]
Text
15-2: Rabbi Yehuda Aryeh Leib of Ger
You can be in exile in your own house when you realize that you are not
really home.
Being able to preserve identity in marriage prevents resentment, as
spouses actualize each other. Religious people actualize each other. Secular
people do not impose religion on each other. For each there is a counterpart.
Abraham Abulafia sums up the mystical purpose of
marriage:
[1536]Text
15-3: Abraham Abulafia on
Marriage
The purpose of marriage of man and woman is none other than their union,
and the purpose of union is impregnation, and the purpose of impregnation is
[bearing] offspring, and the purpose of [offspring] is study [i.e., of Torah by
the child born], and the purpose of that is apprehension [of the Divine], whose
purpose is the continuing maintaining of the one apprehending with pleasure
gained from his
apprehension.
[1537]The
first marriage that a man has is according to his Mazel in
heaven.
[1538] The second
marriage is determined according to his qualities as it says in Sotah,
“Hashem matches up two people according to the goodness of the
husband.” A voice goes out from heaven, “who a man’s wife
will be, whose house he will have, and where will be his field.” On the
day of his marriage, a bridegroom is pardoned for all of his sins.
A
husband must strive to be a ‘mench’. To do this he must be willing
to suppress his own ego for the sake of his wife. If ones spouse criticizes,
one does not counter. As Hashem was willing to permit His Name to be destroyed
in the test of adultery for the sake of marriage, so a husband may suppress his
ego in such disputes. Yet we are in this world to grow close to G-d so one
should marry a person who is on the same path.
‘How to be a mench
towards ones wife and also a practicing Jew’ is sometimes a
problem?
[1539] Even to pray
with a minyan (quorum) morning and evening can take time from ones wife
especially if the work schedule is demanding. Yet, a husband should focus on
his marriage with highest priority especially the first year when both are
learning about each other. A wife should encourage her husband to attend
synagogue to pray for the family.
A husband should consult his wife
before making a decision. This will encourage her personal expression and
self-esteem. This will help a husband repair damage done by criticism. A wife
wants to be looked upon well in her husband’s eyes. She seeks his
approval as he seeks approval in the eyes of G-d. Attention and affection is
the role of a husband towards his
wife.
[1540] When one wishes to
leave the house, he should ask permission of his wife. This adds to her sense
of importance. It is good to sleep in the same room as one’s
wife.
[1541] A husband should
always place the performance of a mitzvah above selfish indulgence even for the
whole family and his wife will come to love him.
It is a mitzvah to marry
the daughter of one’s sister. Because children tend to resemble a
wife’s brother, there will be natural affection between uncle and niece or
between cousins. Hashem answered the prayers of man and permitted this
union.
[1542] A woman should try
to be found, should try to marry her soul mate, and should try to have her first
child before the age of 30. We are commanded to guard our health. Bearing a
first child earlier in life is important in this
regard.
[1543] A woman must be
open to the possibility that an uncle or even a cousin could be her soul
mate.
A Kohen may not marry a divorcee, a profaned woman, or a woman who
has slept with non-Jews. Hence, a Kohen may have slept with other Jewish women
and can marry a Jewish woman who has slept with other Jewish men. A profaned
woman is someone who was molested or raped. In Hebrew, the term zona refers to
a woman who has slept with non-Jews, i.e. someone she could not marry. The term
qedesha refers to a harlot, which is a different category entirely. While these
rules only apply to the Kohenim, one should consider that the Torah is teaching
that certain circumstances may make a woman’s reputation a risk to the
functions of a priest. From the Oral Law we learn that a convert to Judaism
after the age of three was classified as a zona because of the moral standards
that the person may have been exposed
to.
[1544] For example, a
convert may have grown up in a house where homosexuality was completely
acceptable. Her marriage to a Jewish person may preserve this tolerance
affecting her spouse. Yet, a Kohen may marry the daughter of a proselyte, so we
know that the children are not affected by these values. A Kohen is prohibited
from marrying a convert to avoid such situations, which could become scandalous
in the nation of Israel. If a Kohen marries a prohibited woman and has children
they are categorized as hallalim, which essentially means disgraced children.
They are not however in the category of mamzirim who are children of an
adulterous women, i.e. a woman who is married to a different Jewish man.
Does the Oral Law apply these rules well today? I have witnessed the
disgraceful treatment of a Cohen who married a convert in a wilderness town
where he was the only Cohen. The honor of G-d was reduced by not recognizing
his late marriage and happiness when he had so few choices of whom to marry.
The synagogue’s honor was reduced and finally the congregation’s
size. Perhaps Rav Kook’s pronouncement that outside of Israel, the
commandments are only for practice has validity for outside of Israel finding a
spouse is much more difficult. In this regard, outside of Israel all marriages
are equivalent whether Jewish or intermarriage with the intention of raising
ones children as Jews.
[1545]
Only by the time of immigration as in the story of Ezra were these marriages
judged. The Cohen Blessing – Birkat haKohenim outside of Israel is as
meaningful whether the priest married a Jewess, a Ger
Tzedek,
[1546] or intermarried.
I have also witnessed the case outside of Israel of a Jewish woman marrying
another Jewish man and having a second daughter, whose former Jewish husband
married a non-Jewish woman while refusing to grant her a Jewish divorce.
Discrimination against the daughter based on the rule of mamzirim is a wonder
when so few Jews can find other Jews to marry, outside of Israel – hutz
la’aretz, scarring her life seems to disgrace the Jewish religion –
hillul Hashem.
Text
15-4: A truer explanation one will never find
A truer explanation you will never find,
I hate the
abominations although the people are all fine.
G-d bless the Holy Lord, G-d
bless the Holy Lord
One can hate the abomination and not the sinner. This is the truer
explanation. Although homosexuality is an abomination, one does not persecute
homosexuals and one does not accept abomination. Rabbis are not any less
corrupt to prohibit rabbinical certification for even this abomination, provided
the applicant does not openly proclaim that his practice is acceptable. Would a
corrupt rabbi openly proclaim his corruption as acceptable? The sin should be
covered and G-d is the judge. The punishment in Lev. 20:13 quoted in
2.3.12 on p.115 applies to both
parties so we know that this is not a case where one party is under
duress.
L’havdil, G-d gave us his Holy Name so that we may be a
holy people. This means that we separate ourselves from the perversions of
society and cling fast unto G-d. The truer explanation is that there is only
one G-d without division or multiple personalities or persons; and G-d gave us
the Holy Name so that we may attach to
Him.
[1547] On Aaron’s
miter that is his headdress is inscribed the words Holy to the Lord –
קדוש ליהוה
and here we ask G-d to bless the name Holy Lord –
יהוה
קדוש so that we can attach to Him. Similarly,
the phrase haKodesh Baruch Hu – the Holy One Blessed Be He –
הקדוש
ברוך הוא sanctifies His
Name.
Text
15-5: Midrash Rabbah Genesis 22:2
In the past, Adam was created from the ground, and Eve from Adam; but henceforth
it shall be, “In our image, after our likeness” (Gen. I, 26):
neither man without woman nor woman without man, nor the two of them without
Divine
Presence.[1548]
Upon
entering marriage, a Jewish husband is required by law to provide shelter, food,
clothing, and conjugal rights to his wife. Essentially a husband is required to
love his wife. Most Jewish women are not aware that upon marriage they do not
have the right to divorce their husband. The reason here is complex, but
basically a husband acquires a wife in the sense of property that he is
responsible to maintain. Only he can discard his wife. Where one partner
appreciates Torah and the other doesn’t, divorce is likely. A converted
woman may discard her husband because her culture doesn’t appreciate
Jewish frugality or tolerate “tough love” for self-improvement. A
profaned woman will make a husband’s life very difficult without him
understanding. A divorcee may bear similar psychological baggage that could
affect a Kohen. Perhaps, there are foreign women who are very religious, who
would not have the values or circumstances of a zona, but are still under this
category by being a convert. This was the case of Ruth, the Moabite. From her
case we learned that being a convert is not a negative, for Ruth’s quality
of pride was not arrogant and was missing from the house of Israel. Ruth was
exceptional in her unselfishness towards her mother. This she learned from the
grace of growing up a princess, the daughter of the king of the Moabites.
Dearest to God is the Ger Tzedek - true stranger. Had the
Israelites not witnessed the lightning, thunder, quaking mountain, and sounding
trumpets, they would not have accepted the Torah. However, the convert,
who did not see or hear any of these things, came and surrendered herself to
G-d. The Chofetz Chayim is the author of the Mishnah Berurah – Clear
Teaching, which is a commentary on the Shulhan Aruch – The Set Table, the
consolidated book of Jewish laws. Before he was able to write the Mishnah
Berurah, the Chofetz Chayim took a wife:
Text
15-6: Chofetz Chayim takes a Wife
The Chofetz Chayim’s father died when he was still a boy and his mother
remarried. When it came time for the Chofetz Chayim to take a wife, his
father-in-law mentioned to his mother that he would like the Chofetz for his
daughter. Now this daughter was already 10 years older than the Chofetz Chayim
who was only 16 and the mother didn’t know what to do. She knew her son
could marry anyone from all the greatest families and this daughter didn’t
have the same background. So she mentioned it to her son that “He wants
you to marry his daughter.”
The Chofetz Chayim could see the struggle on his mother’s face and no
sooner had she mentioned it that he agreed with the match. His brothers all
tried to dissuade him from the decision, but he remained firm.
When the Chofetz Chayim married this lady, he was not yet distinguished. Years
later he published all of his great books and became known as the great Chofetz
Chayim. When asked what did he attribute his success to? He told this story,
and said that because he listened carefully to his mother, to her feelings, and
chose this match, that everything he achieved was due to this
decision.
The Sayings of the Fathers provides guidance on
where to live:
Text
15-7: Perkei Avot 6:10
R. Jose B. Kisma said: once I was walking by the way when a man met me, and
gave me [the salutation of] 'peace', and I returned him [the salutation of]
peace'. Said he to me, Rabbi, from what place art thou?' said I to him, 'from a
great city of sages and scribes am I.' Said he to me, 'Rabbi, [should it be] thy
pleasure that thou dwell with us in our place, I will give thee a thousand
thousand denarii of gold, and precious stones and pearls.' said I to him: 'If
thou shouldst give me all the silver and gold, precious stones and pearls that
are in the world, I would not dwell [anywhere] excepting in a place of Torah;
for in the hour of the departure of a man [from the world], there accompany him
neither gold nor silver, nor precious stones nor pearls, but Torah and good
deeds alone, as it is said, WHEN THOU WALKEST, IT SHALL LEAD THEE, WHEN THOU
LIEST DOWN, IT SHALL WATCH OVER THEE; AND WHEN THOU WAKEST, IT SHALL TALK WITH
THEE. WHEN THOU WALKEST, IT SHALL LEAD THEE
- in this
world,[1549] WHEN THOU LIEST
DOWN, IT SHALL WATCH OVER THEE
- in the
grave,[1550] AND WHEN THOU
WAKEST, IT SHALL TALK WITH THEE
- in the world to
come;[1551] and thus it is
written in the book of psalms by David, King of Israel, THE LAW OF THY MOUTH IS
BETTER UNTO ME THAN THOUSANDS OF GOLD AND SILVER, and it says [also]: MINE IS
THE SILVER, AND MINE THE GOLD, SAITH THE LORD OF HOSTS.
Malachi discusses
the consequence of marrying out of the religion, abandoning ones spouse and
having spiritual
kin.
[1552]Text
15-8: Malachi on Marriage, Abandonment, and Spiritual
Kin
11. Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination is
committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the holiness of the
Lord which he loved, and has married the daughter of a foreign
god.
12. The Lord will cut off all living offspring from the
tents of Jacob, from the man who does this, and from him who brings an offering
to the Lord of hosts.
13. And this again you do: you cover the altar of the
Lord with tears, with weeping, and with sighing, because he will not regard the
offering any more, nor receive it with good will from your
hand.
14. And you say, Why is this so? Because the Lord has
been witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been
faithless, yet is she your companion, and the wife of your
covenant.
15. And did not God make of you one flesh? So that one
should have a spiritual kin? And what does that one flesh seek?
A godly seed. Therefore take heed to your
spirit, that you do not be faithless to the wife
of your youth.
16. For to send her away is hateful, says the Lord, the
God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of
hosts; therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not be
faithless.
A better translation of Malachi 2:15 is: “Zera Elohim
vNishmartem Bruachhem” – “godly seed
and guard their spirits”. Hence, a man should marry his soul
mate early in life, never postponing marriage for a career.
15.3 Arranged
Marriage
Arranged marriages can be superior to finding ones own soul mate in many
cases. Parents are less likely to be blinded to a potential matches’
(shiduch’s) family background, than one in the relationship. Ironically,
even if both people are a match in every other way, family background indicates
the likely degree of stability and commitment, through the rolling waves that
accompany every marriage. “For Rav punished any man who betrothed [a
woman] in a market place, or by intercourse, or without [previous]
shiddukin.”
[1553] Rav
considered negotiations preliminary to betrothal essential for marriage. The
Shulchan Aruch confirms this position as the oral law in Even ha-Ezer
26:4.
[1554]
15.4 Finding
ones Soul Mate
This is the prayer to find ones soul
mate
[1555] –
נפש
תאומה as would be offered according to
Rabbi Meir Baal
HaNess.
[1556]
Forty days before a person is conceived into this
world, the Daughter’s
Voice[1557] goes out and
proclaims, the daughter of this man is destined to
marry this man, the house in this place - is destined for their home, and this
field (livelihood / business / profession) is destined for this person.
ארבעים
יום
קודם
יצירת הולד
בת
קול
יוצאת
ואומרת
בת
פלוני
לפלוני בית
פלוני לפלוני
שדה פלוני
לפלוני
This
prayer is efficacious. And why is the house and field mentioned afterwards?
This is to teach us that after a man marries, the (root) soul of his wife will
determine his wealth. This can work in two ways. A wife can increase a
man’s wealth through wise investment or decrease it by being a spendthrift
–
פזרן or
diminishing his investment prowess by argument and distress. The way a husband
treats his wife will also influence these matters.
Psalms that are
efficacious are discussed in
13.2.2 Marriage Psalms on p.604. Talmud Tractate
Kiddushin (Holiness – commandments on marriage) is beneficial for finding
a wife while Beitzim (Eggs – commandments on holidays) is beneficial for
having children.
Text
15-10: Searching and finding ones soul mate
Like a wave that breaks along the warm sand of the beach and knows why it
has traveled thousands of miles.
15.5 Zivugim
Hashem sends each of us the partner (zivug) of the ‘Fundamental
Soul’ when we are quite young, age
18-25.
[1558] If the match
should fail than there are secondary arrangements for those lost souls needing
to be paired up. The Ribono Shalom orchestrates these, but there is a catch,
Hashem never tells anyone who his or her soul mate is at the time one meets the
person! This is always a matter of free choice! There is a good reason that it
is never revealed, because we must
show a faith to marry the right
partner, not unlike our faith in G-d. Sometimes even the yetzer hara
– bad inclination, or a satan – an adversary, will tell a person
that their soul mate is not such and such to harden their heart so that they
must prove their faith further. Years later, one may recognize that one had a
soul mate opportunity.
Nevertheless, one should not marry on faith but
on facts. The key is that when the facts are good, then one should have faith
that Hashem will bless the marriage. Good facts could be different for
different people. Overall, when two people can talk and listen, and they are
attracted to each other and they value the same goals, and respect each
other’s interests, and would be capable of having children together, and
they are of the same faith and similar family background that helps. The Talmud
says a very tall person should marry a short person, so some opposite qualities
are ok too, but an old man should not marry a young lass (40 yrs apart). Yet, I
have come to realize that we often cannot recognize a zivug until that person is
lost; this is part of the test of faith.
15.6 Alternative
Zivugim
I wish to explain why Hashem’s justice does not punish a failed Zivug
with indefinite reincarnation until one eventually marries his or her Zivug.
The concept of Gigal - transmigration of the soul and Zivugim are not so easily
interrelated. Each person consists of a multiplicity of souls. The
purpose, similar to Klal Israel, is that different souls help each grow in a
unique way when they are bound together in one body.
Hence the Zivug potential of an age ~18-25 male and a ~16-23 female
would be that of the 'Fundamental Soul'. If this match should fail, one
might even attain a higher Zivug; for example, that of the 'Lofty Soul' or that
of the 'Extra Good Soul' and experience an even greater bliss in life if one
should marry. Of course, degradation in behavior could lead to the
converse.
[1559]All of
this depends on ones merits. If a Zivug of the Fundamental Soul fails, and
both marry other souls, but live very Righteous lives—they may not need to
be reborn, but instead can merit Olam Habah and even be True Soul mates in a
world of resurrection.
15.7 Between
nose and lip
A wise woman taught me that when we are in the womb, G-d kisses a place
between the nose and lips and we forget everything that we are taught about our
coming life, but the talents that G-d has given us are meant to be used even if
they help us remember what we have forgotten. This woman learned to
‘break her shell’ and see herself as a free soul completely naked in
the world and clean. She could see the motion of the
wind.
[1560] She taught me that
Koach –
כוח
is 34 in gematria that is Lamed Dalet whose opposite is DaL (dull). Most of all
she taught me to daven with a higher goal. Making agreements with Hashem
increases the likelihood of fruition. She told me a man must seek his Zivug
because he has a mitzvah to fulfill. She said that we must learn to keep our
word as truth.
[1561] She said
that Hava tricked Adam, but that this breakup was necessary for them to come
closer together. She said she hears in the
kitchen
[1562] that with every
Zivug there is a breakup that binds them.
The secret of Adam’s
sin and the expulsion from the Garden of Eden is actually the reformation of the
Zivug of Adam Kadmon and Hashem. As in Shir haShirim, the Shechinah is drawn
back to Hashem, the lovers reunite though they were parted. So it is with
primordial man of which all of our souls consist, that we are broken up so that
we can become a Zivug again. “There is a strawberry floating on a cake
and if we only want the strawberry, we cannot have the cake.” The cake is
the mitzvot and marriage in this world, but with the cake comes the icing and
the strawberry. Kabbalah is the icing, but we only need the cake.
One
may meditate on the sefirot by manifesting them, for to live the quality of a
sefira is to do mitzvot, a worthy endeavor.
15.8 Fertility
The chance of natural pregnancy going to fruition can be approximated in
the table below. These represent the chances for someone trying to have a child
and who has had a child before. The numbers are lower for attempting a first
child:
Table
15-1: Yearly Natural Pregnancy Chances for a Live
Birth
|
Age
|
30
|
35
|
40
|
|
Pregnancy %
|
75%
|
66%
|
44%
|
|
Miscarriage %
|
10%
|
20%
|
40%
|
|
Live Birth %
|
68%
|
53%
|
26%
|
The average age of last birth for a woman attempting natural pregnancy
is 40.9 yrs.
[1563] With ART, the
possible age is about the
same.
[1564] Figure
15-1: Over 40 Last Chance Pregnancy successes with
ART
Text
15-11: Pregnancy vs. Birth Rate
Women's fertility peaks in their early twenties, and often deteriorates
after 30. Of women trying to get pregnant, without using fertility drugs or in
vitro
fertilization:
[1565]
At age 30, 75% will get pregnant within one year, and 91% within four
years.
At age 35, 66% will get pregnant within one year, and 84% within four
years.
At age 40, 44% will get pregnant within one year, and 64% within four
years.
[1566] Those figures are for conception, not for the birth of a healthy baby.
According to the March of Dimes, "about 9 percent of recognized pregnancies for
women aged 20 to 24 ended in miscarriage. The risk rose to about 20 percent at
age 35 to 39, and more than 50 percent by age 42."
For a man who has the
commandment to be fruitful and multiply, the woman he marries would have fertile
eggs. Yet, there is also the principle of companionship as a basis for
marriage. The fertility of eggs can be seen in
Figure
[1567].
1567 The chart
assumes an ideal selection of eggs before transferring. In addition,
miscarriage rate increases with age although this can also be related to
chromosomal damage in the egg preventing its development from going to
fruition.
Figure
15-2: Live Births: Fresh Embryos vs. Donor
Eggs
Figure
15-3: Miscarriage Rates with ART for Non donor
Embryos
The most common reason for infertile eggs is chromosomal damage.
Ironically, miscarriages weed most of these problems out except for Down’s
syndrome. Nevertheless, it is not illogical to posit that some subtle damage
might exist contributing to a genetic illness that is not hereditary, based on
these odds:
[1568]Table
15-2: Maternal Age vs. Chromosomal Abnormality
Risk
|
Maternal Age
|
Risk of Chromosomal
Abnormalities
|
|
20
|
1/526
|
|
25
|
1/476
|
|
30
|
1/385
|
|
35
|
1/192
|
|
40
|
1/66
|
|
41
|
1/53
|
|
42
|
1/42
|
|
43
|
1/33
|
|
44
|
1/26
|
|
45
|
1/21
|
The increase in chromosomal abnormality coincides with phenotypical
changes with age. These include the graying of hair, wrinkling of skin, and age
related loss of hair in men. Age is a product of chromosomal damage.
Antioxidants will slow the rate of this change such as glutathione (GSH) and
Vitamin E and Selenium.
Text
15-12: Assisted Reproductive Technology birth rates per
year
Per year, birth rates resulting from embryo transfer using women's own eggs
are about:
35% for women age 34 and younger.
28% for women age 35 to 37.
20% for women age 38 to 40.
10% for women age 41 to 42.
4% for women 43 and older.
Pregnancy history. A woman who has already had a live birth is more likely
to have a successful ART procedure than a woman who hasn't given birth before.
This "previous birth advantage" gradually narrows as women age from their early
30s to their
40s.
[1569]
The following summary shows the chance of having a successful birth
with multiple selected embryos implanted vs. a single embryo
implanted:
[1570] Yet, the higher
incidence of illness in twin situations makes this approach
undesirable.
Text
15-13: 2004 Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) Report
Chance per Implantation
Age <21, Pregnancy rate 41.7%, Live birth rate 37.5%, Singleton live
birth rate 20.8%
Age 21, Pregnancy rate 38.2%, Live birth rate 32.7%, Singleton live birth
rate 23.6%
Age 22, Pregnancy rate 35.2%, Live birth rate 32.0%, Singleton live birth
rate 18.8%
Age 23, Pregnancy rate 40.7%, Live birth rate 35.7%, Singleton live birth
rate 24.1%
Age 24, Pregnancy rate 41.4%, Live birth rate 35.5%, Singleton live birth
rate 20.8%
Age 25, Pregnancy rate 44.4%, Live birth rate 39.5%, Singleton live birth
rate 23.3%
Age 26, Pregnancy rate 43.6%, Live birth rate 38.5%, Singleton live birth
rate 23.7%
Age 27, Pregnancy rate 45.2%, Live birth rate 39.8%, Singleton live birth
rate 24.8%
Age 28, Pregnancy rate 44.4%, Live birth rate 39.1%, Singleton live birth
rate 24.7%
Age 29, Pregnancy rate 43.1%, Live birth rate 37.9%, Singleton live birth
rate 23.1%
Age 30, Pregnancy rate 44.5%, Live birth rate 38.6%, Singleton live birth
rate 24.1%
Age 31, Pregnancy rate 43.9%, Live birth rate 38.2%, Singleton live birth
rate 25.0%
Age 32, Pregnancy rate 42.2%, Live birth rate 36.6%, Singleton live birth
rate 23.6%
Age 33, Pregnancy rate 40.6%, Live birth rate 34.8%, Singleton live birth
rate 22.5%
Age 34, Pregnancy rate 40.8%, Live birth rate 34.8%, Singleton live birth
rate 22.9%
Age 35, Pregnancy rate 38.2%, Live birth rate 32.2%, Singleton live birth
rate 21.5%
Age 36, Pregnancy rate 35.3%, Live birth rate 29.1%, Singleton live birth
rate 19.8%
Age 37, Pregnancy rate 32.5%, Live birth rate 26.4%, Singleton live birth rate
18.7%
Age 38, Pregnancy rate 29.9%, Live birth rate 23.2%,
Singleton live birth rate 17.0%
Age 39, Pregnancy rate 26.2%, Live birth rate 19.0%, Singleton live birth
rate 14.5%
Age 40, Pregnancy rate 23.0%, Live birth rate 16.1%, Singleton live birth
rate 12.3%
Age 41, Pregnancy rate 19.2%, Live birth rate 12.5%, Singleton live birth
rate 10.2%
Age 42, Pregnancy rate 14.8%, Live birth rate 8.4%, Singleton live birth
rate 7.2%
Age 43, Pregnancy rate 10.8%, Live birth rate 5.5%, Singleton live birth
rate 5.1%
Age 44, Pregnancy rate 7.4%, Live birth rate 3.3%, Singleton live birth
rate 3.0%
Age 45, Pregnancy rate 4.3%, Live birth rate 1.2%, Singleton live birth
rate 1.2%
Age 46, Pregnancy rate 2.6%, Live birth rate 0%, Singleton live birth rate
0%
Age 47, Pregnancy rate 3.3%, Live birth rate 0%, Singleton live birth rate
0%
Age 48, Pregnancy rate 2.6%, Live birth rate 0%, Singleton live birth rate
0%
Age >48, Pregnancy rate 5.6%, Live birth rate 2.8%, Singleton live birth
rate 0%
The advantageous times for trying to create a pregnancy are as
follows:
Table
15-3: Conception Probabilities
|
Day
|
Probability of Conception
|
|
0
|
0%
|
|
1
|
13%
|
|
2
|
13%
|
|
3
|
28%
|
|
4
|
26%
|
|
Ovulation Day
|
5%
|
Sperm can survive for five days in the female reproductive track,
although two days is more common. An egg is viable for 12 to 24 hours. The
probability of conception is cumulative so an 85% chance can be
achieved.
[1571]Based on
keeping the laws of Taharas Hasmishpacha, the fertility cycle works out as
follows:
Table
15-4: Taharas Hasmishpacha Fertility (28 Day
Cycle)
|
Day
|
Comments
|
Probability of Conception
|
|
1
|
Period begins
|
0%
|
|
2
|
Menstruation
|
0%
|
|
3
|
Menstruation
|
0%
|
|
4
|
Menstruation
|
0%
|
|
5
|
Usually period ends
|
0%
|
|
6
|
|
0%
|
|
7
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
8
|
Biblical week ends: dry day
|
~0%
|
|
9+
|
dry day
|
~0%
|
|
10+
|
Fertile day
|
13% or 0%
|
|
11+
|
Fertile day
|
13% or 0%
|
|
12+
|
Rabbinical week of seven clean days ends; mikvah
|
28% or 13%
|
|
13+
|
Fertile day (Temperature drops immediately
before ovulation)
|
26% or 13%
|
|
14+
|
Ovulation day (BBT and progesterone
increases[1573])
|
5% or 28%
|
|
15+
|
wet day (Warm day)
|
~0% or 26%
|
|
16+
|
wet day (Warm day)
|
~0% or 5%
|
|
17+
|
wettest day (Warm day)
|
~0%
|
|
18-
|
wet day
|
0%
|
|
19-
|
wet day
|
0%
|
|
20-
|
wet day (BBT can drop right before
implantation)
|
0%
|
|
21-
|
Egg Implantation possible (hCG
production[1574])
|
0%
|
|
22-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
23-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
24-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
25-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
26-
|
Pregnancy test
reliable;[1575] dry
day
|
0%
|
|
27-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
28-
|
dry day – end of cycle
|
0%
|
|
29
|
New cycle – end of cycle
|
0%
|
|
33
|
No period? Maybe you’re pregnant!
|
0%
|
|
Approximate due date 9 months
|
|
Table
15-5: Taharas Hasmishpacha Fertility (30 Day
Cycle)
|
Day
|
Comments
|
Probability of Conception
|
|
1
|
Period begins
|
0%
|
|
2
|
Menstruation
|
0%
|
|
3
|
Menstruation
|
0%
|
|
4
|
Menstruation
|
0%
|
|
5
|
Usually period ends
|
0%
|
|
6
|
|
0%
|
|
7
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
8
|
Biblical week ends: dry day
|
~0%
|
|
9+
|
dry day
|
~0%
|
|
10+
|
Fertile day
|
13% or 0%
|
|
11+
|
Fertile day
|
13% or 0%
|
|
12+
|
Rabbinical week of seven clean days ends; mikvah
|
28% or 13%
|
|
13+
|
Fertile day (Temperature drops immediately
before ovulation)
|
26% or 13%
|
|
14+
|
Ovulation day (BBT and progesterone
increases[1577])
|
5% or 28%
|
|
15+
|
wet day (Warm day)
|
~0% or 26%
|
|
16+
|
wet day (Warm day)
|
~0% or 5%
|
|
17+
|
wettest day (Warm day)
|
~0%
|
|
18-
|
wet day
|
0%
|
|
19-
|
wet day
|
0%
|
|
20-
|
wet day (BBT can drop right before
implantation)
|
0%
|
|
21-
|
Egg Implantation possible (hCG
production[1578])
|
0%
|
|
22-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
23-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
24-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
25-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
26-
|
Pregnancy test
reliable;[1579] dry
day
|
0%
|
|
27-
|
dry day
|
0%
|
|
28-
|
dry day – end of cycle
|
0%
|
|
29
|
New cycle – end of cycle
|
0%
|
|
33
|
No period? Maybe you’re pregnant!
|
0%
|
|
Approximate due date 9 months
|
|
Pregnancy testing works 6-10 days after
ovulation.
[1580] Progesterone
production continues and is the main contributor to pregnancy
symptoms.
[1581] Figure
15-4: Progesterone Levels in Pregnancy vs.
Menstruation
The luteal phase of the menstrual cycle follows ovulation. This
two-week period is called the luteal phase because of the dominant role played
by the corpus luteum, which is nothing other than the collapsed follicle from
which the egg issued forth. The corpus luteum pumps out the hormone
progesterone which "heats up" the body and womb in preparation for pregnancy.
After the ovarian follicle releases its ovum – egg, the surrounding cells
in the ovary form the corpus luteum, which can be a few centimeters in size,
much larger than the egg. If pregnancy does not occur, the cells of the corpus
luteum get reincorporated into the ovary.
15.9 Pregnancy
Beware the zinc levels in prenatal vitamins, which should not exceed 11 mg.
O-CAL FA contains 15 mg, which can cause chills, fatigue, and nausea with
continued use due to zinc poisoning. Maybe by the third trimester the dosage
might be tolerable, but in the first trimester, it is too much. Prenate
Essential looks safer.
O-CAL FA Prenate
Essential DHA
[1582] Pregnant
women
need
------------------------------ ---------------------------- ---------------------------
Vitamin
A (Beta Carotene) 2500 IU 31%
Vitamin C (Ascorbic Acid) 70 mg
117% 85 mg 142%
Vitamin D (Calciferol) 400 IU 100% 200
IU 50%
Vitamin E (Acetate) 30 IU 100% 10 IU 33%
Thiamine (B1)
1.5 mg 88%
Riboflavin (B2) 1.6 mg 80%
Niacin (as Niacinamide)
17 mg 85%
Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine HCl) 12 mg 480% 25
mg 1000%
Folic Acid 1 mg 125% 1 mg 125%
Vitamin B-12
(Cyanocobalamin) 12 mcg 150% 12 mcg 150%
Biotin 250
mcg 83%
Calcium (Carbonate) 200 mg 15% 140 mg 11% 1000 mg
Iron
(Ferrous Fumarate) 15 mg 83% 28 mg 156%
Iodine (Potassium Iodide) 150
mcg 100% 150 mcg 100%
Magnesium (Oxide) 100 mg 22% 45 mg 10% 360
mg
Zinc (Oxide) 15 mg 100%
Copper (Cupric Sulfate) 2 mg
100%
DHA 300 mg
EPA 40 mg
O-Cal is insufficient in
Calcium, since a pregnant women needs about 1000 mg/day. It is also light on
Vitamin C. Neither has Choline, which is good for brain development.
Search for hypnobirthing and prenatal
courses.
[1583] Avoid any stress
to a
pregnancy.
Prenatalgyn
[1584]----------------
|
|
Amount
|
%Daily Value
|
|
Vitamin A
|
5000iu
|
100%
|
|
Vitamin C
|
240mg
|
400%
|
|
Vitamin D3
|
400iu
|
100%
|
|
Vitamin E
|
100iu
|
100%
|
|
Vitamin B1
|
3.4mg
|
227%
|
|
Vitamin B2
|
4mg
|
235%
|
|
Vitamin B3
|
40mg
|
200%
|
|
Vitamin B6
|
20mg
|
1000%
|
|
Folic Acid
|
800mcg
|
200%
|
|
Vitamin B12
|
18mcg
|
300%
|
|
Biotin
|
400mcg
|
133%
|
|
Pantothenic Acid
|
20mg
|
200%
|
|
Calcium
|
1300mg
|
130%
|
|
Iron
|
27mg
|
150%
|
|
Iodine
|
150mcg
|
100%
|
|
Magnesium
|
450mg
|
113%
|
|
Zinc L-OptiZinc®
|
15mg
|
100%
|
|
Selenium
|
200mcg
|
286%
|
|
Copper
|
2mg
|
100%
|
|
Manganese
|
2mg
|
100%
|
|
Chromium ChromeMate®
|
200mcg
|
100%
|
|
Potassium
|
10mg
|
0%
|
|
Probiotic Blend
|
1 Billion cfu
|
|
L.Casi
|
|
*
|
|
L.Plantatrum
|
|
*
|
|
L.Salivarius
|
|
*
|
|
L.Acidophillus
|
|
*
|
|
L.Rhamnosus
|
|
*
|
|
S.Thermophilus
|
|
*
|
|
B.Bifidum
|
|
*
|
|
B.Infantis
|
|
*
|
|
B.Longum
|
|
*
|
|
B.Breve
|
|
*
|
|
Marinol DHA Powder
|
50mg
|
*
|
|
Ginger Root 10:1
|
250mg
|
*
|
|
Inositol
|
25mg
|
*
|
|
Choline
|
25mg
|
*
|
Vitamin C reduces hemorrhoid symptoms. Its safety during pregnancy
is discussed in
http://drugsafetysite.com/vitamin-c. In any case consumption
of citrus fruits: oranges, mandarins, and grapefruits will have similar effects.
Also see
21.37 Pregnancy on p.962.
15.10 Baby
15.10.1 Circumcision
For a boy, a traditional mohel who conducts the bris uses the Mogen shield
during the circumcision, which does not touch the underside of the penis
eliminating the chance for injury to the frenulum artery. Also the procedure is
faster to set up and less painful. Standard medical procedure however uses the
Gomco clamp, a circular clamp that comes into full contact with the underside of
the penis. The circumcision is done on the eighth day unless there is a health
risk to the baby. The Brit Milah removes the tip of the foreskin the biblical
requirement, which was done by simply pulling the foreskin forward to enable
cutting it off. The rabbinical Brit Periah removes the foreskin to behind the
ridge.
[1585] The Gomco achieves
the effect of Brit Periah during placement, while this was traditionally done by
fingernail before scalpels. Circumcision of only the tip is biblical and to the
ridge is rabbinical. The Mogen clamp is preferred to insure that there is blood
released during the circumcision, a risk that the Gomco is designed to prevent
while there is still blood released during its placement. Circumcisions are
characterized as low or high, loose or tight and in
between.
[1586] With Mogen
shield, the circumcision will be low and loose.
15.11 Marriage
formulas
15.11.1 Ceremony
The following formulas may enact a marriage, thus requiring a Get –
divorce document, if the man says it with intention and the woman receives an
item with understanding. Consequently, the observant orthodox, avoid the custom
of giving an engagement ring which may invoke a marriage. In addition, gifts
color judgment and when selecting a spouse, one ought to decide based on
unbiased reason. Similarly a judge is prohibited from accepting gifts. A wise
man will not receive gifts from a woman before marriage and a wise woman will
not accept an article gift –
מתנה,
before marriage. Deeds of loving-kindness such as prepared food do not count
and entertainment is not included.
Text
15-14: Marriage Formulas
Harei at m'kudeshet li – Behold, you are sanctified to me (groom gives an
item of value to the lady)
Hareni mekudeshet lecha – Behold I am sanctified to you (wife says to
groom)
Harei, ani muchana v'mezumenet l'kabel et ha'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael
– Behold, I am prepared and declared to receive this sign according to the
law of Moshe and Israel.
15.11.2 Ketubah
The ketubah – writing, is a document that proves the existence of a
Jewish marriage. A kinyan must be established which is a witnessed payment with
a token by a man to a woman. The written document describes where this took
place and what each brings into the marriage. The ketubah is important to ones
children to serve as evidence of their lineage and identity. A few of the key
versions include Giorta – for a sojourner, Betulah – for virgin,
Armalta – for a widow, or Matarakhta – for a divorcee.
Figure
15-5: Betulah Ketubah from Kolomea, Ukraine
1911
Filled in items of this ketubah in italics by line number
mean:
[1587]1. In the first
day of the week in the 19
th of the month of Adar five thousand
2.
six hundred and seventy one (echat) years from the creation of the world
...
3. Or Kolomea – (light of Kolomea) at the place 205
Petroho
Here is the structure of the
translation:
[1588]On the
______day of the week, the _________day of the month ______ in the year five
thousand seven hundred and ______ since the creation of the world, the era
according to which we reckon here in the city of _________________ that ________
son of _________ said to this (virgin) _________daughter of _____. "Be my wife
according to the practice of Moses and Israel, and I will cherish, honor,
support and maintain you in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands who
cherish, honor, support and maintain their wives faithfully. And I here present
you with the marriage gift of (virgins), (two hundred) silver zuzim, which
belongs to you, according the the law of Moses and Israel; and I will also give
you your food, clothing and necessities, and live with you as husband and wife
according to universal custom." And Miss_____, this (virgin) consented and
became his wife. The trousseau that she brought to him from her (father's) house
in silver, gold, valuables, clothing, furniture and bedclothes, all this
________, the said bridegroom accepted in the sum of (one hundred ) silver
pieces, and ______ the bridegroom, consented to increase this amount from his
own property with the sum of (one hundred) silver pieces, making in all (two
hundred) silver pieces. And thus said __________, the bridegroom: "The
responsibility of this marriage contract, of this trousseau, and of this
additional sum, I take upon myself and my heirs after me, so that they shall be
paid from the best part of my property and possession that I have beneath the
whole heaven, that which I now possess or may hereafter acquire. All my
property, real and personal, even the shirt from my back, shall be mortgaged to
secure the payment of this marriage contract, of the trousseau, and of the
addition made to it, during my lifetime and after my death, from the present day
and forever." _______, the bridegroom, has taken upon himself the responsibility
of this marriage contract, of the trousseau and the addition made to it,
according to the restrictive usages of all marriage contracts and the additions
to them made for the daughters of Israel, according to the institution of our
sages of blessed memory. It is not to be regarded as a mere forfeiture without
consideration or as a mere formula of a document. We have followed the legal
formality of symbolic delivery (kinyan) between ______the son of _______, the
bridegroom and _______ the daughter of _______ this (virgin), and we have used a
garment legally fit for the purpose, to strengthen all that is stated above, and
everything is valid and confirmed.
Attested to________________________
Witness
Attested to________________________ Witness
At about 2000 years of age, the ketubah is certainly among the first
documents conferring legal status and financial rights to women. Some people are
surprised to learn that the traditional Ketuba is not a romantic document about
the love between man and woman or the establishment of a Jewish home and future
family.
What the katubah does include is the date and place of the marriage, the
names of the bride and groom (and their father's names) and the bridal price
(two hundred silver zuzim). It then enumerates the trousseau brought to the
marriage by the woman, which the groom agrees to match as the additional sum.
The groom agrees that "all my property, real and personal, even the shirt from
my back, shall be mortgaged to secure the payment of this marriage contract, of
the trousseau, and the addition made to it, during my lifetime and after my
death...". The signatures of two non-related witnesses validate the Jewish
marriage contract.
15.12 Conversion
There is no word for “conversion” in Hebrew because the
formality is not Jewish. According to the Torah, once a person starts living as
a Jew, they become a Ger. In the case of Ruth, Samuel wrote an entire treatise
legitimizing this idea. Ruth’s “conversion” to Judaism did
not have a formal ceremony, no male witnesses, and no witnessed mikvah
immersion. Males were required to have a circumcision to join Israel. To
manage the process consistently, Jewish courts required witnesses. Changes of
legal status required court confirmations.
15.12.1
Ger
Torah Judaism says that for the Israelite and the Ger ha-Toshav (resident
alien) that is a sojourner living amongst you, you shall have one law. When the
Second Temple stood there was a legal process to make this declaration official.
Today there is not an official court or legal process; the person’s
identity ought to be by how one lives.
The Ger ha-Tzedek is the convert
who followed his or her shining star to become a Jew. Of this person it is said
that their soul stood at Mt Sinai. The soul of the Ger ha-Gor may not have
stood at Mt. Sinai, but is living with a Jew in marriage, such as Uriah the
Hittite, who was husband to Bat Sheva, or Ruth who was married to Mahlon. What
of the children of the non-Jewish wives of David? Was Tamar any less of an
Israelite despite her mother’s origin.
Torah distinguished between a ger ha-gor (same as ger tzedek) in Num. 9:14,
35:15 and a ger ha-toshav in Ex. 12:45 and Num. 35:15. Torah also distinguishes
between Hebrew and non-Hebrew `avad (Ex. 12:44), a shakhir (12:45), and a nokhri
(Lev. 22:25; Dt. 14:21) without explaining what each of these statuses are,
although we are told that a ger ha-gor (same as ger ha-tzedek) is obligated to
all of the Torah like a native-born Israelite in contrast to a ger ha-toshav who
is exempt from certain commands (Dt. 14:21), yet the Written Torah does not
clarify what the obligations of the latter are, or how to change from one status
to another, or whether this is even possible. The explanation to the Written
Torah, the Jewish Oral Tradition, explains all of this.
15.12.2 Seven Nations
The Torah prohibited marrying those within the
land from the seven nations described below. Today, these nations do not exist
nor their idolatrous religions. Ezra prohibited marriage with idolatrous
foreign woman. The rabbis extrapolated a general principle against marrying
outside the religion with indigenous people in a new land. One should seek to
marry from one’s own people or you might find:
You can be in exile in your own house, when you realize that
you are not really home.
The source text is Deuteronomy 7:1-4. Nevertheless, Rashi
distinguishes the status of the child of an intermarried son vs. daughter from
7:4. The word turn is in third person male but
the pronoun is implied; yet the object is “your son” and not
“grandson” as Rashi brings, but the Talmudic source is compelling.
The Tanach’s intention is that a woman of one of these seven nations will
turn away a man from the Torah. Yet, the non-Jewish man would not have the same
effect on a Jewish woman and that is why the same explanation is not offered for
verse 7:3.
Text
15-17: Deuteronomy 7:1-26
1. When the Lord your God shall bring you into the land which you are
entering to possess, and has cast out many nations before you, the
Hittites, and the
Girgashites, and the
Amorites, and the
Canaanites, and the
Perizzites, and the
Hivites, and the
Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than you;
The
commandment applies at this time, based on the idolatry of these nations.
Future times might be inferred for similar
idolatry.
[1590] 2. And when the Lord your God shall deliver them before you; you shall
strike them, and completely destroy them; you shall make no covenant with them,
nor show mercy to them;
3. And you shall not make marriages with them; your daughter you
shall not give to his son, and his daughter you shall not take to your
son.
4. For (he) will turn away your
son from following me, and they will serve other gods; so will the anger of
the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy you speedily.
Rashi on Deut 7:4
For he will turn away your son from
following Me i.e., the heathen’s son, if he marries your daughter, will
turn away your [grand]son whom your
daughter will bear to him, from following Me. This teaches us that your
daughter’s son, born of a heathen man, is called “your son,”
but your son’s son, born of a heathen woman, is not called “your
son,” but “her son.” For Scripture [first says, “Do not
give your daughter to his son, and do not take his daughter for your son.”
Then it follows with “For he will turn away your son....” However],
referring to “do not take his daughter,” it does not say, “For
she will turn away your son...” [because he is
considered her son, not yours (Kid. 68b)].
Kiddushin 68a-68b
AND WHATEVER [WOMAN] WHO CANNOT CONTRACT KIDDUSHIN etc. How do we know [it
of] a Canaanitish bondmaid? (Kiddushin is invalid) — Said R. Huna,
Scripture saith, Abide ye here with [‘im] the ass (Gen 22:5) — it is
a people [‘am] like unto an ass. We have thus found that kiddushin with
her is invalid: how do we know that the issue takes her status? —
Because Scripture saith, the wife and her children shall be her master's.
(1) How do we know [it of a freeborn] Gentile woman? — Scripture
saith, neither shalt thou make marriages with them. (2) How do we know that her
issue bears her status? — R. Johanan said on the authority of R. Simeon b.
Yohai, Because Scripture saith, For he will turn away thy son from following
me:(3) thy son by(4) an Israelite woman is called ‘thy son’,
but thy son by a heathen [woman] is not called thy
son.(5) Rabina said: This proves that thy daughter's son by a
heathen is called ‘thy son’.(6) Shall we say that Rabina holds that
if a heathen or a [non-Jewish] slave cohabits with a Jewess the issue is
mamzer?(7) — [No.] Granted that he is not [regarded as] fit,(8) he is not
mamzer either, but merely stigmatized as unfit.(9)
Now, that [verse] refers to the seven nations!(10) whence do we
know it of other nations? — Scripture saith, ‘For he will turn
away [thy son],’ which includes all who may turn [him] away. That is well
according to R. Simeon, who interprets the reason of
Scripture.(11) But on the view of the
Rabbis(12), what is the reason?(13) —
Scripture saith, and after that thou shalt go in unto
her, and be her husband, [etc.], (14) whence it follows that before that
kiddushin with her is invalid.
We have thus found that kiddushin with her is not recognized. How do we
know that her child is as herself? — Scripture saith, If there be to a man
[two wives] . . . and they bare to him [children]:(15) where we read
‘if there be’, (16) we also read: ‘and they bare to
him’; (17) but where we do not read: ‘If there be’, we do not
read: ‘and they bare to him’. If so, is not a [heathen] bondmaid
likewise? — Yes, it is even thus. Then what is the purpose of ‘the
wife and her children shall be her master's’? — For what was taught:
If he says to his bondmaid, ‘Behold, thou art free, but thy child [yet to
be born] shall be a slave,’ the ‘child is as herself: this is the
view of R. Jose the Galilean; the Sages maintain: His words are valid, for it is
said: ‘the wife and her children shall be her master's’. How
does this teach it? — Said Raba: This refers to R. Jose the Galilean's
[ruling].
____________________
(1) Ex. XXI, 4. This refers to a Gentile bondmaid given as wife to a Hebrew
slave. The children remain slaves when their father is freed, showing that they
bear their mother's status.
(2) Deut. VII, 3. The verse implies that such marriage is not
recognized.
(3) Ibid. 4.
(4) Lit., ‘who comes’.
(5) [Although the text speaks both of the case of a Jewess becoming the
wife of a heathen, and of a heathen becoming the wife of a Jew, yet it gives
only one reason for the prohibition of intermarriage: viz., lest ‘he turn
aside thy son from following after me’, a reason which, as it stands
appears applicable only to one prohibition. Hence the verse must be taken not as
expressing the fear lest the Jewish partner in a heathen marriage may turn aside
from God, since this is evident and is equally applicable to both cases, but
states an additional reason for the prohibition with reference to the offspring
— the fear that the heathen father ‘will turn aside thy son’
i.e., the son of thy daughter who is legally a Jew ‘from following after
me’; whereas in the case where a Jew marries a heathen woman the fear does
not arise, since the child follows her status, and is not considered ‘thy
son’ Rashi.] Tosaf.: Since Scripture states ‘son’ and not
‘seed’ which would include the son's son, it is evident that the
fear is only for thy ‘son’ born of a Jewess, but not his son, born
of a Gentile. That must be because his son is a heathen too, like the
mother.
(6) [According to Rashi's interpretation (n. 5), whereas R. Johanan's main
emphasis is on the heathen status of the offspring of a heathen woman by a Jew,
Rabina stresses the other inference — the status of the offspring of a
Jewish woman by a heathen. v. Strashun.] Tosaf. i.e., a Jew. This follows
because Scripture does not say: for he will turn away thy son and thy daughter.
Now, ‘and thy daughter’ would likewise imply, but not thy daughter's
son, as in n. 5, whence we would learn that her son by a heathen is also a
heathen. Since he is not excluded, it follows that Scripture objects to his
being ‘turned away’ too, because he is a Jew (Tosaf.)
(7) For, since he is called ‘thy son’, he is a Jew, not a
heathen. Yet he is the issue of a Jewess by one with whom kiddushin is not
recognized, and therefore mamzer, in accordance with the Mishnah. — In
that case his status is worse, for as a mamzer he can never marry a legitimately
born Jewess (Deut. XXIII, 3), whereas as a Gentile he can become a proselyte and
marry a Jewess.
(8) V. next note.
(9) Pasul. As such only a priestly marriage is barred to him.
(10) V. Deut. VII, 1, 2.
(11) In the sense that when we know the reason of a
precept, we may extend it to all other cases where the same applies, and
conversely, exclude those where it does
not.[1591]
(12) Who oppose this.
(13) Seeing that for he will turn away too refers to the seven
nations.
(14) Deut. XXI, 13. The verse refers to a woman
captured in war; since the members of the seven nations were to be utterly
exterminated, this must allude to a member of other nations, ‘After
that’ means after her period of mourning. etc.
(15) Deut. XXI, 25. (???)
(16) I.e., kiddushin is valid; v. p. 343, n. 4. (???)
(17) The child takes his status.
Deuteronomy 7 (continued)
5. But thus shall you deal with them; you shall destroy their altars, and
break down their images, and cut down their Asherim, and burn their carved idols
with fire.
From here, we know the qualities of the Seven Nations. Moreover, the
commandment is to destroy their idolatry in addition to not marrying them if
they still exist. Because of Deut. 7:2, we know this does not apply outside the
Seven Nations for we do not have liberty to kill.
6. For you are a holy people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has
chosen you to be a special people to Himself, above all peoples that are upon
the face of the earth.
7. The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were
more in number than any people; for you were the fewest of all
peoples;
8. But because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath that
he had sworn to your fathers, has the Lord brought you out with a mighty hand,
and redeemed you out of the house of slaves, from the hand of Pharaoh king of
Egypt.
9. Know therefore that the Lord your God, he is God, the faithful God,
which keeps covenant and mercy with those who love him and keep his commandments
to a thousand generations;
10. And repays those who hate him to their face, to destroy them; he will
not be slack to him who hates him, he will repay him to his face.
11. You shall therefore keep the commandments, and the statutes, and the
judgments, which I command you this day, to do them.
12. Therefore it shall come to pass, if you give heed to these judgments,
and keep, and do them, that the Lord your God shall keep with you the covenant
and the mercy which he swore to your fathers;
13. And he will love you, and bless you, and multiply you; he will also
bless the fruit of your womb, and the fruit of your land, your grain, and your
wine, and your oil, the produce of your cows, and the flocks of your sheep, in
the land which he swore to your fathers to give you.
14. You shall be blessed above all people; there shall not be male or
female barren among you, or among your cattle.
15. And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and will put none of
the evil diseases of Egypt, which you know, upon you; but will lay them upon all
those who hate you.
16. And you shall destroy all the people which the Lord your God shall
deliver you; your eye shall have no pity upon them; neither shall you serve
their gods; for that will be a snare to you.
17. If you shall say in your heart, These nations are more than I; how can
I dispossess them?
18. You shall not be afraid of them; but shall well remember what the Lord
your God did to Pharaoh, and to all Egypt;
19. The great trials which your eyes saw, and the signs, and the wonders,
and the mighty hand, and the stretched out arm, whereby the Lord your God
brought you out; so shall the Lord your God do to all the people of whom you are
afraid.
20. Moreover the Lord your God will send the hornet among them, until those
who are left, and hide themselves from you, are destroyed.
21. You shall not be frightened by them; for the Lord your God is among
you, a mighty God and awesome.
22. And the Lord your God will clear away those nations before you, little
by little; you may not destroy them at once, lest the beasts of the field grow
numerous upon you.
23. But the Lord your God shall deliver them to you, and shall destroy them
with a mighty destruction, until they are destroyed.
24. And he shall deliver their kings into your hand, and you shall destroy
their name from under heaven; there shall no man be able to stand before you,
until you have destroyed them.
25. The engraved images of their gods shall you burn with fire; you shall
not desire the silver or gold that is on them, nor take it to you, lest you be
snared there; for it is an abomination to the Lord your God.
26. Neither shall you bring an abomination into your house, lest you become
accursed like it; but you shall utterly detest it, and loathe it; for it is a
cursed thing.
Text
15-18: Marriage sources
In the time of the Patriarchs it appears that descent followed the father.
However, the period of the Patriarchs was before the giving of the Torah on
Mount Sinai. It was only with the revelation on Sinai that the Jewish people
received their legal system. Therefore it is impossible to bring Halachic, legal
proofs from the Patriarchs. Our source for Halakha is the Written and Oral
Torah.
[1592]
The Mishnah in Tractate Kiddushin 66b states that if a child's mother is
not Jewish, then the child is not Jewish.
The Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 68b, derives this Halakhah from a verse in
Deuteronomy 7:1-5, which also contains the prohibition against intermarriage.
“When the L-rd your G-d brings you to the land that you will inherit, many
nations will fall away before you; the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites,
the Canaanites, the Prizites, the Hivites and the Jebusites... And you shall not
marry with them; do not give your daughters to his sons and do not take his
daughters for your sons. For he will turn your son away from me and they will
worship other gods....” The Talmud points out that the verse only seems to
be concerned with the son of the Israelite woman being turned away, “for
he (the gentile)” will turn your son away. It does not seem to be
concerned that “she (the gentile) will turn your son away.” The
implication is that the son of the Jewish woman and gentile man is still
considered “your (the Jewish grandfather in this case) son,” but in
the case of a gentile woman married to a Jewish man, the child is not considered
“your son” and therefore there is no concern about his turning away.
This follows Rashi and Tosfot Ri Hazaken in their explanation of the
Gemara.
Tosfot (ad loc. “Amar krah”) offers a number of different
methods of derivation from the verse, but agrees with the conclusion. This law
is also found in the Mishna in Yevamot (ch. 2, 21a): “He counts as a
brother in every respect unless he was the son of a maidservant or of a gentile
woman.”
This Halakha is codified in the Code of Jewish Law, Even HaEzer 8:5, and in
Maimonides' Mishneh Torah, Laws of Forbidden Relationships, 15:4. Maimonides
states: “This is the general rule: The status of an offspring from a
gentile man or from a gentile woman is the same as his mother's; we disregard
the father.”
Another source in the Torah is the verse in Leviticus 24:10: “the son
of an Israelite woman went out - and he was the son of an Egyptian man.”
This person is described as being “in the midst of the community of
Israel” - in other words, Jewish.
Probably the most explicit verse against patrilineal descent is in the book
of Ezra 10:2-3: Some of the Jews who had returned from the exile declare,
“We have trespassed against our G-d and have taken foreign wives of the
people of the land. Yet, there is hope in Israel concerning this thing.
Therefore, let us make a covenant with our G-d to put away all the wives and
such as are born to them, according to the counsel of the L-rd and of those who
assemble at the commandment of G-d; let it be done according to the
law.”
Sources are also in Midrash Rabbah Numbers 19, and the Jerusalem Talmud
Kiddushin 3:12.
Moses when he was in exile married Ziporah, the
daughter of a Midian Priest, to be his wife and join his people. He suffered
the criticism of Miriam and Aaron to some extent for taking a Cushite wife; but
God did not criticize him; and moreover, he remained the greatest prophet until
the end of his days with Ziporah. This is to teach us that more important is
the spiritual quality and encouragement that a wife offers to preserve the
spiritual greatness of a man. While on Mount Sinai, God informed Moses of the
sin of the Golden Calf made by His people. He offered to destroy them and build
a new nation from Moses’ own children. Moses’ own children although
of a mixed race were worthy of replacing the whole house of Israel! Moses
replied, ‘remove my name from the Torah rather than remove the House of
Israel’ and God was placated. One other story of Ziporah occurs when
Moses’ son was born and had not yet been circumcised. Moses became sick
for delaying this commandment. When Ziporah saw, she took a flint and
circumcised her own son proclaiming to her husband, “You have become a
bridegroom of blood to me.” That is to say, ‘You are my covenant
husband’ or bound to me, by my observance of the commandments of G-d.
Ziporah was a righteous woman who brought Moses further merit. One of his sons
he named Gershom for he was a ‘stranger there’ in Midian and the
other Eliezer – my G-d helps who redeemed him from his exile.
A
similar story involves Joseph who married Potipher’s daughter in Egypt and
had two sons whom Jacob effectively adopted and gave to each their own portion
in the Land of Israel. The sons of Joseph were Ephraim and
Manesseh.
The orthodox promulgate this view:
Text
15-19: Jewish Marriage
‘Jewish marriage is a soul connection, a reunion of two halves of one
person. When this soul is born it is divided into two bodies and each develops
by itself until it marries. If a man and woman merit, G-d dwells amongst them
from Ish and Ishah. “It is obvious that a Jew and a non-Jew who have two
different souls cannot be
compatible”.’[1593]
As long as neither one of them expresses her nature, they may appear compatible.
There is a compatibility of their non-Jewishness. As soon as one partner wishes
to express his identity, the other person would be left behind. Do not judge
things by what things are like now. The soul of a Jew and a non-Jew are not the
same. In Hashomer Hatzair, there are non-Jews too that feel Jewish too. If
you have non-Jews in your youth group and the non-Jews feel comfortable then the
Jewishness is diluted. What is a Jew? A Jew has a Neshama (a Jewish soul) that
is why he has different values.
What is the particular characteristic of the Jewish soul? It cannot want to be
disconnected to G-d. The connection is there. This is something you cannot
change. There is a basic incompatibility with someone who strives to be
something and someone who strives to be nothing (Jew). This is why a Jew is not
obsessed by luxury, decoration, or materialism, but instead seeks instead to be
a messenger of G-d. We choose not to sacrifice our internal identity to satisfy
our external identity. Children should never be forced to choose between the
God of their father and the God of their mother, because if forced—they
will throw both out the window. This is why the children of intermarriage do
not have an interest in
religion.[1594] Often this is
the case even if there is consensus between parents, because children see
through insincere capitulation. A non-Jewish spouse, who says he/she will
follow her spouse, may not have sincere interest in following and children will
see this and become irreligious.
Take into consideration the future children. If the child belongs to one nation
that is different from the father, it can be torture for the child. The
ping-pong ball that the child goes though can be like hell. Why should a Jewish
father impose upon his children an identity that is not theirs? The fundamental
reason not to intermarry is that G-d doesn’t want it—the Torah
forbids it. Yet, someone who has a Jewish father (m’zerut Israel
– from a seed of Israel), one should seek to
convert.’[1595]
It is not the identity of the father that is “like
hell” for the child but the alienation of a community, has vshalom, that
is not accepting the child that would be the “hell”.
The
alienation of children seeking Torah is Hillul Hashem. When the orthodox do not
provide a reasonable means for conversion and the rigidity of the conversion
process greatly exceeds the child’s own Jewish upbringing; then there is
another Hillul Hashem. If the orthodox reject the conversion of a mother and
then alienate the child from Jewish aliyot or mitzvot in synagogues, has
vshalom—they have rejected the Torah. The child of Ruth was called the
child of Naomi, because of the stigma attached to Ruth as a non-Jewish Moabite;
and yet, King David was her great, great grandson. Similarly, the messiah will
necessarily be a descendent of intermarriage—how will we treat him? Will
we question his Jewish identity as Doeg the Edomite? Does Ruth fulfill the
current criteria of orthodox rabbinical Jewish
identity?
For this reason, the Oral Law should not
have been written down. Currently, the orthodox, do not make themselves
available for conversion in remote places; hence, they forfeit their authority
on Jewish identity as in the time of Ruth whose descendents would be Jewish
through her mother-in-law Naomi. Ultimately, the Ger must take the ‘bull
by the horns’ and hold fast to Judaism, a Jewish community, a Jewish
spouse, or even a Jewish mother-in-law. Conversion is
self-authenticity.
15.12.3
Proselyte
The key principles are found in the portion of Ruth chapter 1:
- When living in a remote area, a Jew may have to take a pious non-Jewess as a
wife, because he still has the commandment to
procreate.[1596]
- Conversion is implied by relationship as Orpah is called a wife although she
returns to her own people.[1597]
- Naomi asks her daughter-in-laws to return to their own people, because she
wishes them to be happy and have a future with a
husband.[1598]
- Declaration to ones loved one to follow them, to live with
them,[1599] acceptance of their
family as ones own, and to practice their religion, and to be buried amongst
them.[1600]
- Acceptance of the
convert.[1601]
1. It came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in
the land. And a man of Beth-Lehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of
Moab, he, and his wife, and his two sons.
2. And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and
the name of his two sons Mahlon and Kilion, Ephrathites of Beth-Lehem in Judah.
And they came to the country of Moab, and remained there.
3. And Elimelech, Naomi’s husband, died; and she was left with her two
sons.
4. And they took wives of the women of Moab; the name of one was Orpah, and
the name of the other Ruth; and they dwelled there about ten years.
5. And both Mahlon and Kilion died; and the woman was bereft of her two sons and
her husband.
6. Then she arose with her daughters-in-law, to return from the country of Moab;
for she had heard in the country of Moab that the Lord had visited his people
and given them bread.
7. So she went forth out of the place where she was, and her two
daughters-in-law with her; and they went on the way to return to the land of
Judah.
8. (K) And Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, Go, return each of you to
her mother’s house; the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with
the dead, and with me.
9. The Lord grant you that you may find rest, each of you in the house of her
husband. Then she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice, and wept.
10. And they said to her, No, we will return with you to your people.
11. And Naomi said, Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? are there
yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?
12. Turn back, my daughters, go your way; for I am too old to have a husband. If
I should say, I have hope, even if I should have a husband tonight, and should
bear sons;
13. Would you wait for them till they were grown? would you, for them, refrain
from having husbands? no, my daughters; for it grieves me much for your sakes
that the hand of the Lord is gone out against me.
14. And they lifted up their voice, and wept again; and Orpah kissed her
mother-in-law; but Ruth held fast to her.
15. And she said, Behold, your sister-in-law is gone back to her people, and to
her gods; go back you after your sister-in-law.
16. And Ruth said, Do not entreat me to leave you, or to keep from following
you; for wherever you go, I will go; and where you lodge, I will lodge; your
people shall be my people, and your God my God –
ואלהיך
אלהי;
17. Where you die, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to
me, and more also, if even death parts me from you.
18. When she saw that she was determined to go with her, she stopped speaking
to her.
The Jewish principle of identity is that the
religion follows the mother of the child while the family follows the father.
Hence, a person’s religion is according to the mother, while a
child’s ‘tribe’ i.e. whether one is Cohen, Levi, or Israel, is
after the father. When a stranger dwells within the Jewish community, and shows
her preference and observes the commandments, s/he is like Ruth the Moabite who
followed her mother-in-law and became ancestor of Jewish kings:
Text
15-21: Numbers 15:13-16 and 15:29-30 on
Conversion
All who are native born shall do these things after this ordinance, in offering
an offering made by fire, of a sweet savor to the Lord. And if a stranger
sojourns with you, or whoever is among you in your generations, and will offer
an offering made by fire, of a sweet savor to the Lord; as you do, so he shall
do. One ordinance shall be both for you of the congregation, and also for the
stranger who sojourns with you, an ordinance forever in your generations; as you
are, so shall the stranger be before the Lord. One Torah and one code shall be
for you, and for the stranger who sojourns with you.
...
You shall have one Torah for him who sins through ignorance, both for him who is
born among the people of Israel, and for the stranger who sojourns among them.
But the soul who does anything presumptuously, whether he is born in the land or
a stranger, that person dishonors the Lord; and that soul shall be cut off from
among his people.
The Hebrew word for
‘stranger’ is ‘ger’ which also means
‘convert’. The essence of conversion is to dwell within the Jewish
community. For years in Poland and other countries, conversion simply occurred
when a non-Jew entered the Jewish community and began living as a Jew. This
differs from modern day America, where it is often the Jew, who is the stranger
dwelling in the non-Jewish community, assimilating instead to their culture, has
vshalom. Nevertheless, rabbinical conversion is often phony and transient, as
the vows of the convert, like the vows of any person, are often discarded over
time. Real conversion is simply a person living in the Jewish community and
like Ruth accepting our people as her people, accepting our commandments as her
commandments.
Similarly Isaiah is receptive to
sincere
conversion.
[1602]Text
15-22: Isaiah 56:6-8
6. Also the sons of the stranger, who join themselves to the Lord, to serve
him, and to love the name of the Lord, to be his servants, every one who keeps
the Sabbath and does not profane it, and all who hold fast to my
covenant;
7. Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my
house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted
upon my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all
peoples.
8. The Lord God who gathers the outcasts of Israel says, “Yet will I
gather others to him, beside those who are already gathered.”
Nevertheless, Ezra left the final stamp on conversion as it is
permitted today when he demanded the divorces of all foreign
women.
[1603]
In all likelihood, this was based on his experience in exile in Babylonia, when
he saw that such marriages threatened the survival of the Jewish
people.
[1604] These marriages
had been made in exile under duress and did not represent the House of
Israel.
Text
15-23: Ezra 10:7-12
7. And they made proclamation throughout Judah and Jerusalem to all the
returned exiles, that they should gather themselves together at
Jerusalem;
8. And that whoever would not come within three days, according to the
counsel of the princes and the elders, all his goods should be forfeited, and he
himself set apart from the congregation of the exiles.
9. Then all the men of Judah and Benjamin gathered themselves together at
Jerusalem within three days. It was the ninth month, on the twentieth day of the
month; and all the people sat in the street of the house of God, trembling
because of this matter, and because of the heavy rain.
10. And Ezra the priest stood up, and said to them, You have transgressed,
and have taken foreign wives, to increase the guilt of Israel.
11. And now make confession to the Lord God of your fathers, and do his
will; and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the foreign
wives.
12. Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As you
have said, so must we do.
The Jewish women who were forced into
marriages, did they return from exile? Why are their marriages not mentioned
even though their children were Jewish by rabbinical law?
Text
15-24: Yevamot 47a-b
Our Rabbis taught: If at the present time a man desires to become a proselyte,
he is to be addressed as follows: ‘What reason have you for desiring to
become a proselyte; do you not know that Israel at the present time are
persecuted and oppressed, despised, harassed and overcome by afflictions’?
If he replies, ‘I know and yet am unworthy’, he is accepted
forthwith, and is given instruction in some of the minor and some of the major
commandments. He is informed of the sin [of the neglect of the commandments of]
Gleanings, the Forgotten Sheaf, the Corner and the Poor Man's Tithe. He is also
told of the punishment for the transgression of the commandments. Furthermore,
he is addressed thus: ‘Be it known to you that before you came to this
condition, if you had eaten suet you would not have been punishable with kareth,
if you had profaned the Sabbath you would not have been punishable with stoning;
but now were you to eat suet you would be punished with kareth; were you to
profane the Sabbath you would be punished with stoning’. And as he is
informed of the punishment for the transgression of the commandments, so is he
informed of the reward granted for their fulfillment. He is told, ‘Be it
known to you that the world to come was made only for the righteous, and that
Israel at the present time are unable to bear either too much prosperity. or too
much suffering’. He is not, however, to be persuaded or dissuaded too
much. If he accepted, he is circumcised forthwith. Should any shreds which
render the circumcision invalid remain, he is to be circumcised a second time.
As soon as he is healed arrangements are made for his immediate ablution, when
two learned men must stand by his side and acquaint him with some of the minor
commandments and with some of the major ones. When he comes up after his
ablution he is deemed to be an Israelite in all respects.
In the case of a woman proselyte, women make her sit in the water up to her
neck, while two learned men stand outside and give her instruction in some of
the minor commandments and some of the major ones.
The same law applies to a proselyte and to an emancipated slave; and only where
a menstruant may perform her ablution may a proselyte and an emancipated slave
perform this ablution; and whatever is deemed an interception in ritual bathing
is also deemed to be an interception in the ablutions of a proselyte, an
emancipated slave and a menstruant.
The Master said, ‘If a man desires to become a proselyte . . . he is to
be addressed as follows: "What reason have you for desiring to become a
proselyte . . ." and he is made acquainted with some of the minor, and with some
of the major commandments’. What is the reason? — In order that if
he desire to withdraw let him do so; for R. Helbo said: Proselytes are as hard
for Israel [to endure] as a sore, because it is written in Scripture. And the
proselyte shall join himself with them, and they shall cleave to the house of
Jacob.
‘He is informed of the sin [of the neglect of the commandment of]
Gleanings, the Forgotten Sheaf, the Corner and the Poor Man's Tithe’. What
is the reason? — R. Hiyya b. Abba replied in the name of R. Johanan:
Because a Noahide would rather be killed than spend so much as a perutah which
is not returnable.
‘He is not, however, to be persuaded, or dissuaded too much’. R.
Eleazar said: What is the Scriptural proof? — It is written, And when she
saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, she left off speaking unto
her. ‘We are forbidden’, she told her, ‘[to move on the
Sabbath beyond the] Sabbath boundaries’! — ‘Whither thou
goest’ [the other replied] ‘I will go’.
‘We are forbidden private meeting between man and woman’! —
‘Where thou lodgest. I will lodge’
‘We have been commanded six hundred and thirteen commandments’!
— ‘Thy people shall be my people’.
‘We are forbidden idolatry’! — ‘And thy God my
God’.
‘Four modes of death were entrusted to Beth din’! —
‘Where thou diest, will I die’.
‘Two graveyards were placed at the disposal of the Beth din’!
— ‘And there will I be buried’. Presently she saw that she was
steadfastly minded etc.
‘If he accepted, he is circumcised forthwith’. What is the reason?
— The performance of a commandment must not in any way be
delayed.
15.12.4 Jewish Identity and Israel
Jewish identity is obtained by immersion in the community of
Israel.
[1605] Here conversion
is part of absorption in the culture, which is the biblical basis for True
Jewish conversion. As Ruth followed Naomi to dwell with her people she became
part of the people. Jethro brought Moses’s wife and two children out to
him and in so doing brought them into the nation of Israel. Joseph’s sons
were brought into the household of Jacob.
Text
15-25: Rabbi Dr. Immanuel Jakobovits Former Chief Rabbi of
the British Commonwealth
No rabbinical act is of more far-reaching
consequence than a conversion to Judaism. It crucially determines for all time
the convert’s personal status, marital rights and restrictions as well as
religious allegiance, and in the case of a female, affects her offspring for all
generations to come.
If a pledge of
unqualified loyalty to Judaism is subsequently betrayed, the result is
disastrous, not least for the rabbi involved, should he have been guilty of an
error of judgment in authorizing a conversion on insufficient evidence of
sincerity. In that event, he is bound to feel some personal responsibility and
liability for every violation of Jewish law the convert may commit. For only
through his act in conferring Jewish status on the former gentile, do actions
like working on the Sabbath or consuming non-kosher food become grave breaches
of the law. Little wonder that many conscientious rabbis, under the weight of
this crushing responsibility, contemplate conversions with extreme, sometimes
perhaps excessive, hesitation.
The conditions for
admission to Judaism are simple enough in definition. A properly qualified
rabbinical court must be satisfied that the candidate is genuinely willing and
able to accept the religious discipline of Jewish life without reservation,
whereupon the formal act of conversion is carried out by ritual immersion and,
in the case of a male, circumcision (which, if previously performed, is
religiously validated by drawing a single drop of blood as a “sign of the
Covenant”). Conversion under these conditions is open to any person,
irrespective of race, color, or previous creed. A person so converted then has
all the rights and obligations vested in any other Jew.
Strictly speaking,
the actual conversion from any faith (or none) to Judaism is, of course, carried
out by the proselyte himself. The rabbinic authority, in effect, merely serves
to authenticate the change, like a hallmark confirming the genuineness of a
precious metal. More
than a declaration of intent is required to effect a total religious commitment
which is to endure for a lifetime, through children, and beyond. This commitment
is brought about by radical changes inside the person’s heart, determining
all future loyalties, thinking, feelings, and actions. The mold of his very
personality, is, in many respects, even more binding and incisive than the
commitment involved in the bond of marriage or in the adoption of a child.
A conversion, in the Jewish view, is the
most delicate heart operation to which a person could ever submit, and the onus
rests on the applicant to prove adequate preparation for such an operation. Some
may complete the requisite preparation combining intensive study and
environmental experience in a matter of months; others, lacking determination or
opportunity, may never be ready, even after years of fruitless effort. How long
this process takes is determined by the candidate, not the rabbi.
The ultimate test
is certainly not the applicant’s love for a Jewish person he or she seeks
to marry. On the contrary, such an ulterior motive will militate against
accepting the application. The criterion is the love of Judaism, generated by
such thorough familiarity and fascination with the Jewish way of life as to
render all sacrifices, obstacles, and delays worthwhile. Only if this love of
Judaism, in theory and practice, transcends any other love and loyalty are the
conditions for admission truly fulfilled.
But why are these conditions so rigid
and demanding? Almost every applicant (and many a Jew) questions their justice
with a seemingly plausible argument: why should so much more be expected of a
convert than most Jews are prepared to do for their Judaism? Why should converts
be more punctilious in their religious observance than the majority of Jews?
To begin with, we have no special interest
in swelling our number by conversions. As a “holy people” charged
with onerous tasks of spiritual pioneering, numbers are relatively immaterial to
the success of our national mission. True “proselytes of
righteousness” are welcome, but converts of questionable loyalty attenuate
rather than consolidate our strength. It is
not difficult to adduce historical proof for this contention. Throughout the
Middle Ages, it is estimated, the total number of Jews hardly exceeded one
million. They were exposed to constant oppression, many economic disabilities,
and frequent massacres. Yet no Jew then ever worried about Jewish survival. It
was left to the twentieth century, when we count thirteen million Jews, most of
them living in unprecedented freedom and affluence, to raise the specter of
“the vanishing Jew” for the first time in Jewish history. Our
survival surely does not depend on numbers, but solely on the intensity of our
Jewish commitment! Moreover, a
conversion is a religious naturalization. Even for a civil naturalization -
though affecting infinitely less significantly the innermost beliefs, the whole
personality, and the daily routine of life of the applicant - certain rigid
requirements are universally accepted. For the granting of citizenship,
countries usually require a period of at least two years, fluency in the
vernacular, and certainly ready submission to all the laws of the land. No one
questions these demands. Any alien declaring his readiness to observe all the
country’s laws except one would be refused his naturalization. It would
not help him to argue that there are many native citizens who also sometimes
transgress one regulation or another. In these matters, it is all or nothing.
Yet when would-be
converts are told that it may take two years or more to assimilate the requisite
knowledge and atmosphere (which even born Jews must cultivate through years of
Jewish education, plus living in a Jewish environment from birth), that they are
expected to have some familiarity with Hebrew, and that they must undertake to
observe all the laws of Judaism, they argue, often amid a chorus of popular
Jewish applause, “Why should we have to meet requirements which so many
Jews fall short of?” It would be of
little avail to an applicant for British citizenship to resort to a similar
argument. The incontestable answer would be that anyone born of British parents
- whether good, bad, or indifferent, whether he knows English and abides by the
law or not - is British. Even a criminal’s citizenship cannot be disowned.
But if a foreigner wants to become British, every effort may and must be made to
ensure that he will prove a law-abiding citizen, an asset and not a liability.
Likewise, parents must accept their natural
children, healthy or crippled, upright or delinquent. But in adopting a child,
they are free to choose, and are entitled to take all reasonable precautions to
make sure that the child will be a source of pride and joy to them. Surely the
arguments in favor of similar safeguards in admitting persons to the Jewish
faith and people are no less compelling or convincing.
Within these general principles, there is
of course a degree of variation. Since the assessment of a candidate’s
sincerity and the adequacy of his preparation is subject to a human estimation,
there is bound to be a subjective factor in any such judgment. One rabbi may be
more credulous, another more suspicious, in accepting a declaration of
submission to Judaism. Moreover, the law
itself is flexible enough to allow for some variety of interpretation, notably
on the extent to which unknown mental reservations at the time of the conversion
act may be discounted. Diverse local conditions, too, may have an important
bearing on the decision to admit proselytes.
In Israel, for
instance, where all converts will - at least in great measure - live in a Jewish
environment, learn Hebrew, send their children to Jewish schools, and observe
the Jewish calendar, and where there is hardly any opportunity of becoming
integrated into non-Jewish society, it is obviously far easier to accept
converts (and harder to reject them) than in the Diaspora, where these
conditions do not prevail. In the light of these variables, the attitude toward
conversion may differ somewhat even among strictly Orthodox rabbinates.
Naturally, the
circumstances prompting an application will invariably be taken into account. A
woman who wants to become Jewish because she has fallen in love with a Jew,
seeking to change her religion almost like one changes a passport on being
married, will find far less sympathy than parents who wish to convert an adopted
non-Jewish child because they could find no Jewish child.
But these are clearly exceptions. As a
rule, it will be found that anyone prepared to change his religion neither had a
deep religious allegiance before the change nor will have one after the change.
Those who can be, and are, admitted to Judaism indeed turn out to be rather
exceptional people. They represent a microcosm of the Jewish people itself, the
few among the many, individuals endowed with a profoundly religious soul, with
the capacity to swim against the stream and to spurn the line of least
resistance, and with the immense hardihood to sustain a stern discipline of
life. True proselytes live up to the
qualifications so concisely expressed by the most famous of them all, Ruth the
Moabitess, who pledged: “Where you go, I will go; and where you lodge for
the night, I will lodge.” - sharing the misfortunes as well as the
fortunes of the Jewish people, the experience of darkness in sympathy with Jews
who suffer, no less than the bright joys of their triumphs: “Your people
will be my people” - identifying with Jewish national aspirations and
joining the togetherness of Jews whoever and wherever they are: “And your
God will be my God” - serving as witness to Jewry’s religious
commitment: “Where you die, I will die, and there shall I be buried”
(Ruth 1:16-17) - defending Jewish beliefs and practices even to the grave.
Anyone prepared to follow Ruth’s
example of total loyalty will be accepted into the Jewish faith with open arms.
But in the absence of such candidates, we should occupy ourselves with the
challenge of converting should-be Jews, rather than would-be Jews, to
Judaism. “Your God will be my God” that is an
appreciation to God and the ‘jewelry’ He bestows—the Torah,
witnesses that a Ger Tzedek – a ‘righteous convert’ places God
in her life between herself and her husband. A better translation here is a
‘true proselyte’ that is one who fully turns her heart to the Torah,
God, and
Israel.
[1606]Reuel
was the son of Esau and Ishmael's daughter Basemath; a man of Midian and
father-in-law to Moses. Zipporah who was the daughter of Reuel is a righteous
spark of Esau, similar to Ruth who was the righteous spark of Lot. Even when
there is intermarriage, although the first generations are lost, a later
generation may graft back onto the house of Israel in exemplary manner.
Other Torah men with the same name include the father of Eliasaph, leader
of Gad in the time of Moses and the son of Ibnijah of Benjamin whose offspring
returned from exile.
15.12.5 Halachic conversion
Basically mikvah, 3
witnesses, and an acceptance of all the commandments of the Torah constitutes an
acceptable
conversion.
[1607]Conversion
is to publicly identify with ones personal beliefs (self-authenticity). Hence,
questioning a convert to Judaism about his or her Jewish legitimacy is against
the Torah. Alienating them is Hillul Hashem – a desecration of the name
of G-d. After conversion, a convert does not need to answer questions about
denomination or any matter of their conversion. They must be accepted as part
of the House of Israel. As for the recognition of the conversion—that is
no different than the implicit recognition of any Jew. Ultimately, the Ger
must take the ‘bull by the horns’ and pursue/observe the Torah
commandments and attach to a Jewish spouse, Jewish in-law, or Jewish community.
The former can precede the later, as we know from the stories of Ruth, Ziporah,
and Asenath, the wives of Boaz, Moses, and Joseph
respectively.
[1608]
‘Those who would harass converts shall be harassed,’ ‘Those
who would doubt their legitimacy, shall be doubted,’ and ‘Those who
would alienate them will be alienated.’ One law does G-d have for His
people and the sojourners who live amongst
them.
[1609] Text
15-26: Halakha on conversion:
Rabbi Y(aakov) S(iegel)
Unfortunately, this has become a festering political issue, with little
connection with Halakhah.
As you have already seen in Rambam (Shulhan Aruch is the same), conversion
is a very simple process, which should take about an hour. The candidate is told
“some easy and some hard mitzvot,” BUT NOT TO MUCH SO AS NOT TO PUSH
HIM AWAY IF HE IS SINCERE, warned that he will be responsible for mitzvot that
until now he did not have to worry about, and that the Jews are persecuted
everywhere. If he accepts "WE ACCEPT HIM IMMEDIATELY"
Now, there is a warning to check that he has no
ulterior motive, such as marriage. If it turns out he has, the conversion is
still good. In the Rambam's teshuvot (Pe'er HaDor), he opines that if a couple
is already married, or about to marry, it is better to convert the non-Jewish
partner than allow the intermarriage. Rav Ovadia brings this
l'Halakhah.
When I went into rabbanut 40 years ago, the accepted
standard for Orthodox rabbis in America was to require a commitment to Shabbat,
Kashrut, and taharat HaMishpachah. Some, but not all, would require nothing in
order to prevent an intermarriage. This follows the view of Rav Uzziel (Chief
Rabbi of Israel), that it is sufficient if the candidate wishes to live "K'stam
yehudi b'doro". (Mishpetei Uzziel)
I once asked a prominent Orthodox rabbi (a Vice President of the RCA) in
the early 70s as to his standards. He said Shabbat, Kashrut, and T. HaM., but if
already converted by a C. or R. rabbi, to reconvert no questions asked. Today,
most O. rabbis follow a very strict opinion that any lack of observance would
disqualify a convert EVEN AFTER THEY ARE JEWISH! A "beit din" recently declared
a converted married woman (with children!) to not be Jewish because she wore
pants! This is very weird. OTOH, consider Ivanca Trump's conversion about a year
ago, performed by a prominent O. rabbi.
Now, a separate question is conversion by a C. or R.
"beit din". If they are non-observant (drive on shabbat, etc.) then they are
clearly not valid as a Beit Din. Rambam would also disqualify a person from
serving on a Beit Din if he holds heretical views. Rav Moshe Feinstein opined
that ANY rabbi in a C. pulpit is invalid (that would include me!) Many see this
as political rather than halachic, in order to keep people away from the
Conservative movement.
Another problem is that according to most Rishonim,
the Beit Din needs to SEE the Tevilah, not just know that it has occured. Most
C. rabbis don't do this. Most not-knowledgeable O. rabbis don't
either.
When I was in Israel, I was on the Beit Din of the Shoron for conversions.
They had the woman immerse wearing a loose fitting robe which is not a
chatzitzah, yet would be modest.
Now, the question remains-a conversion done with NO BEIT DIN at all, mah
dino?
There are a number of Gemmarot (in Yevamot) that
would indicate that if we KNOW a tevilah has taken place, it is valid; a beit
din being needed only l'chatchilah. I was told by one of the rabbis who prepared
me for smichah that ANY conversion that included a tevilah was valid b'diavad.
When these come my way, I tell them that yes, they are Jewish, but ideally to
redo the conversion. Today, the vast majority of O. rabbis would not agree with
this, as it lends credibility to C. and R. I consider this, too, to be
politics.
Back in the 70s, Chabad rabbis would often do
hassle-free conversions. Under pressure from the Israeli Chief Rabbinate, which
only recognizes 2 rabbis in America for conversions. chabad no longer do
this.
Bottom line:
Is she Jewish? Almost definitely, but it should ideally be redone
l'chumrah. Today, however, this is a topic where rabbis are being intimidated,
and generally do not want to get involved.
Hope this helps,
The "Almost definitely" is as follows:
The Gemarra (Yevamot) has
numerous views as to what constitutes conversion. There is substantial place for
saying that once there is tevillah, it is good. However, there is the view that
we need a valid Beit Din. Although many regard this as only l'chatchilah,
nevertheless both Rambam and Shulchan Aruch bring this as the
Halakhah.
I don't know the rabbis you mentioned in
your original post. If they are Conservative, one would need to find out their
levels of observance. Most C. rabbis drive on Shabbat, etc. Those who don't,
might be invalidated because of heretical views (this is Rambam's stance). There
are some who are completely frum, and this would be OK (except according to R.
Moshe Feinstein's opinion, that anyone serving in a c. congregation is
automatically invalid.)
If, on the other hand, the rabbis in question are
Orthodox rabbis, but not on the "approved" list, then this is just dirty
politics.
I don't have time now to get into your question about those already
married. Very quickly, Rambam says that Biblical figures who married non-Jewish
women converted them themselves, and the sages took a wait-and-see attitude to
their Jewishness.
Rav Uzziel's approach (championed in Modern times by Rabbi
Marc Angel), is that an acceptance of Jewish identity is sufficient for
conversion, and this would be preferable to an intermarriage.
15.12.6 Implicit conversion
Ironically, while religious identity is considered
matrilineal, genetic studies show that patrilineal patterns
dominate:
[1610]Text
15-27: DNA evidence of Jewish identity more closely
connected to the male chromosome
DNA evidence has uncovered something perhaps shocking about our Ashkenazic
Eastern European ancestors: they married shiksas AND nobody seemed to have a
problem with it.
As David Goldstein put
it:
[1611]
[some] Jewish men . . . travel[ed] long distances to establish small Jewish
communities [by themselves]. They would settle in new lands and, if unmarried,
take local women for wives.
Simply put, DNA studies on Ashkenazim have consistently shown that males
show a strong genetic affinity (similar mutations on the Y chormosome) with
other Jewish males, no matter where they live, whereas Ashkenazic females do not
show any genetic affinity with other Jewish females.
Hillel Halkin in his article in Commentary Magazine
Jews and Their DNA comments on the puzzling disparity in the
distribution patterns of Jewish Y-chromosome and mitochondrial
(female)DNA:
There is no doubt that statistically (and only statistically: it is
important to keep in mind that any randomly chosen Jewish individual may prove
an exception to the rule), Jewish males with antecedents in such widely
separated places as Yemen, Georgia, and Bukhara in Central Asia are far more
likely to share similar Y-chromosome DNA with one another than with Yemenite,
Georgian, or Bukharan non-Jews. Jewish females from the same backgrounds, on
the other hand, yield opposite results: their mitochondrial DNA has markedly
less resemblance to that of Jewish women from elsewhere than it does to that of
non-Jewish women in the countries their families hailed from
Halkin therefore concludes:
Presumably, these adventurous bachelors setting out (perhaps on business
ventures) for far lands could not persuade Jewish women to come with them, or
else they traveled to their destinations with no intention of staying there. In
the absence of rabbis to perform conversions, they married local women who,
while consenting to live as Jews, were not halakhically Jewish. By halakhic
standards, therefore, their descendants were not Jewish, either, even though
their Jewishness was not challenged by the rabbinical authorities. Although such
communities must, in their first generations, have known the truth about
themselves, this does not appear to have bothered them or anyone else very
much.
Jewish men courting and marrying non-Jewish women is nothing new. In
addition to our ancestors having done that (at least in the first generation(s)
Tanach is replete with accounts of kings and commoners taking non-Jewish
spouses. Of Jacob's 12 sons, at least 8 married out of their clan. King Solomon
was criticized for taking many wives, HOWEVER, this stinging criticism is
followed by the explication that his wives were idol-worshippers who perverted
his heart against Torah. The same goes for Isaac's exhortation to his son Jacob
not to take a wife from among the Canaanites. It is pretty clear that the
Patriarchs hated the Cannanites (and the other pagans) BECAUSE they engaged in
horrible idol worship (child sacrifice etc.) NOT because they "weren't
Jewish".
In addition, it is pretty clear that Jewish ancestry (as well as tribal
status) was once determined by the father and not by the mother. The "maternal
ancestry rule" was instituted by later Rabbinic authorities for political and
religious reasons (the Jewish exilarch Bustenai, for example, had no qualms
about taking a Persian wife. It is pretty clear that she did not "officially"
convert. The resulting feud among the Rabbis whether the children of that union
were Jewish or not is an indication, that even among the Rabbis of that time,
the "maternal descent rule" was not a unanimous opinion).
Which brings me to my point:
Many non-Jewish women (and men) in the United States express strong
interest in Judaism. This interest often stems from their quest to find the
ancestral roots of their own faith. However, very often this interest remains
only an interest BECAUSE they are intimidated by the current geirus process.
Some might argue that this is a good thing but I disagree. The notion that we
need to dissuade geirim from converting is an erroneous one (such was the
opinion of many Rabbis, particularly Sephardic Rabbis like Rabbi Benzion Uziel
and Rabbi Yisrael Hazan).
I also think (and this is only an opinion) that the ancient Jewish
reluctance to accept geirim was more pronounced for male geirim rather than
female geirim. One example of this are the ancient Moabites and Ammonites. The
Torah clearly prohibits any marriage among them, however the Rabbis have relaxed
this stricture and ruled that the prohibition only applied to marrying the males
among them and not the females (how else to explain the story of Ruth the
Moabite). We also see numerous instances in tanach of Jewish men marrying
non-Jewish women, however we see very few examples of Jewish women marrying
non-Jewish men and when we do, it is usually referred to in a negative
context.
A quick glance through tanach (particularly the story of Ruth) would
indicate that the current geirus process is completey superflouous and even
anti-Torah.
If a non-Jewish woman is willing to give up her faith in Jesus and accept
the Law of Moses, SHE IS JEWISH. No Rabbis need be involved.
The benefits we would get from accepting non-Jewish females into the Jewish
people are manifold.
Jon Entine in his Abraham's
Children
[1612] mentions that
Jewish genetic diseases are at an all time low and attributes this fact- to
among other things- the rising intermarriage rate among Jews.
I do want to make clear that I am an Orthodox Jew. I am not proposing
intermarriage at all. What I am proposing is making the geirus process for
non-Jewish females a lot easier. This would eliminate the problem to begin
with.
The above author’s suggestion is that the male lineage
has more to do with genetic Jewish identity than the female lineage. This might
also suggest that there is more similarity between males than females in some
genetically linked Jewish quality on the Y chromosome.
15.13 Intermarriage
Finally, when there is intermarriage between couples that will raise their
children as Jews, there must be an aggressive acceptance of these couples and
children in the community as in the case of Jewish husbands and Asian wives
whose tradition and expectation is for the wife to raise her children after the
religion of her husband. Even if she is a B’nai Noach, she will raise her
children as Jewish.
The modern threat to the Jewish continuity is from
the orthodox who are all too quick to misjudge a marriage that is sanctioned by
G-d.
[1613] There are many cases
where Jewish identity based on the father would prevail with community
acceptance of the children. Thus, the community becomes culpable for the
alienation of zerot Israel – the seed of Israel.
The problem is
exacerbated in outlying areas where there is not a bet din – Jewish court
to accommodate orthodox conversion. For example, in the state of Utah, there
are only a few thousand Jews. One of the towns in this state is appropriately
named Moab. In a similar vein, the story of Ruth illustrates the preservation
of Jewish identity in
intermarriage.
[1614]
While her story is quoted as the rabbinical rule, there is no mention of a court
of certification. Where are the true judges in the house of Israel?
Lord, do not write off the galut, for out of such wedlock
will come the messiah,
a descendent of Ruth and Boaz—and the House of
David.
Today conversion must be done readily to give children of
intermarriages acceptance and a chance to fulfill their Jewish identity. See
http://www.hakirah.org/Volume%207.htm: “Conversion to
Judaism: Halakha, Hashkafa, and Historic Challenge.” Do not hinder your
child’s identity with external doubts:
“Just tell people he is Jewish
and he is a Jew that’s all that
matters.”
[1615]Neshomah aliya!
15.14 Interracial
Theoretically Judaism concerns itself less of a race than a
religion:
[1616]
“The third assumption asserts that Jewish thinking must face the apparent
facts that, on one hand, doctrines of Jewish chosenness or election are
fundamental to any attempt to make intelligible Jewish identity, but that, on
the other hand, all past conceptions of the distinctiveness of the Jewish people
have involved, explicitly and/or implicitly, distinct conceptions of race, and
all current theories of race are both scientifically false and ethically
evil.”
The first instance of race as an issue in the
Torah occurs in Genesis 48:8:
Text
15-29: Genesis 48:3-20
ג
וַיֹּאמֶר
יַעֲקֹב
אֶל-יוֹסֵף,
אֵל שַׁדַּי
נִרְאָה-אֵלַי
בְּלוּז
בְּאֶרֶץ
כְּנָעַן;
וַיְבָרֶךְ,
אֹתִי. 3 And Jacob said unto Joseph: 'God
Almighty appeared unto me at Luz in the land of Canaan, and blessed
me,
ד
וַיֹּאמֶר
אֵלַי,
הִנְנִי
מַפְרְךָ
וְהִרְבִּיתִךָ,
וּנְתַתִּיךָ,
לִקְהַל
עַמִּים;
וְנָתַתִּי
אֶת-הָאָרֶץ
הַזֹּאת,
לְזַרְעֲךָ
אַחֲרֶיךָ--אֲחֻזַּת
עוֹלָם. 4 and said unto me: Behold,
I will make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, and I will make of thee a company
of peoples; and will give this land to thy seed after thee for an everlasting
possession.
ה
וְעַתָּה
שְׁנֵי-בָנֶיךָ
הַנּוֹלָדִים
לְךָ
בְּאֶרֶץ
מִצְרַיִם,
עַד-בֹּאִי
אֵלֶיךָ
מִצְרַיְמָה--לִי-הֵם:
אֶפְרַיִם,
וּמְנַשֶּׁה--כִּרְאוּבֵן
וְשִׁמְעוֹן,
יִהְיוּ-לִי.
5 And now thy two sons, who were born unto thee in the land of Egypt
before I came unto thee into Egypt, are mine; Ephraim and Manasseh, even as
Reuben and Simeon, shall be mine.
ו
וּמוֹלַדְתְּךָ
אֲשֶׁר-הוֹלַדְתָּ
אַחֲרֵיהֶם,
לְךָ יִהְיוּ;
עַל שֵׁם
אֲחֵיהֶם
יִקָּרְאוּ,
בְּנַחֲלָתָם.
6 And thy issue, that thou begettest after them, shall be thine; they
shall be called after the name of their brethren in their inheritance.
ז
וַאֲנִי
בְּבֹאִי
מִפַּדָּן,
מֵתָה עָלַי
רָחֵל
בְּאֶרֶץ
כְּנַעַן
בַּדֶּרֶךְ,
בְּעוֹד
כִּבְרַת-אֶרֶץ,
לָבֹא
אֶפְרָתָה;
וָאֶקְבְּרֶהָ
שָּׁם
בְּדֶרֶךְ
אֶפְרָת, הִוא
בֵּית לָחֶם.
7 And as for me, when I came from Paddan, Rachel died unto me in the
land of Canaan in the way, when there was still some way to come unto Ephrath;
and I buried her there in the way to Ephrath--the same is Beth-lehem.'
ח
וַיַּרְא
יִשְׂרָאֵל,
אֶת-בְּנֵי
יוֹסֵף;
וַיֹּאמֶר,
מִי-אֵלֶּה.
8 And Israel beheld Joseph's sons, and said:
‘Who are these?’
ט
וַיֹּאמֶר
יוֹסֵף,
אֶל-אָבִיו,
בָּנַי הֵם,
אֲשֶׁר-נָתַן-לִי
אֱלֹהִים
בָּזֶה;
וַיֹּאמַר,
קָחֶם-נָא
אֵלַי
וַאֲבָרְכֵם.
9 And Joseph said unto his father: 'They are my sons, whom God hath
given me here.' And he said: 'Bring them, I pray thee, unto me, and I will bless
them.'
י
וְעֵינֵי
יִשְׂרָאֵל
כָּבְדוּ
מִזֹּקֶן, לֹא
יוּכַל
לִרְאוֹת;
וַיַּגֵּשׁ
אֹתָם אֵלָיו,
וַיִּשַּׁק
לָהֶם
וַיְחַבֵּק
לָהֶם. 10 Now the eyes of Israel were dim
for age, so that he could not see. And he brought them near unto him; and he
kissed them, and embraced them.
יא
וַיֹּאמֶר
יִשְׂרָאֵל
אֶל-יוֹסֵף,
רְאֹה
פָנֶיךָ לֹא
פִלָּלְתִּי;
וְהִנֵּה
הֶרְאָה
אֹתִי
אֱלֹהִים,
גַּם
אֶת-זַרְעֶךָ.
11 And Israel said unto Joseph: 'I had not thought to see thy face; and,
lo, God hath let me see thy seed also.'
יב
וַיּוֹצֵא
יוֹסֵף אֹתָם,
מֵעִם
בִּרְכָּיו;
וַיִּשְׁתַּחוּ
לְאַפָּיו,
אָרְצָה. 12 And Joseph brought
them out from between his knees; and he fell down on his face to the
earth.
יג
וַיִּקַּח
יוֹסֵף,
אֶת-שְׁנֵיהֶם--אֶת-אֶפְרַיִם
בִּימִינוֹ
מִשְּׂמֹאל
יִשְׂרָאֵל,
וְאֶת-מְנַשֶּׁה
בִשְׂמֹאלוֹ
מִימִין
יִשְׂרָאֵל;
וַיַּגֵּשׁ,
אֵלָיו. 13 And Joseph took them
both, Ephraim in his right hand toward Israel's left hand, and Manasseh in his
left hand toward Israel's right hand, and brought them near unto him.
יד
וַיִּשְׁלַח
יִשְׂרָאֵל
אֶת-יְמִינוֹ
וַיָּשֶׁת
עַל-רֹאשׁ
אֶפְרַיִם,
וְהוּא
הַצָּעִיר,
וְאֶת-שְׂמֹאלוֹ,
עַל-רֹאשׁ
מְנַשֶּׁה:
שִׂכֵּל,
אֶת-יָדָיו,
כִּי
מְנַשֶּׁה,
הַבְּכוֹר. 14 And
Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Ephraim's head, who was
the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh's head, guiding his hands
wittingly; for Manasseh was the first-born.
טו
וַיְבָרֶךְ
אֶת-יוֹסֵף,
וַיֹּאמַר:
הָאֱלֹהִים
אֲשֶׁר
הִתְהַלְּכוּ
אֲבֹתַי
לְפָנָיו,
אַבְרָהָם
וְיִצְחָק--הָאֱלֹהִים
הָרֹעֶה
אֹתִי,
מֵעוֹדִי
עַד-הַיּוֹם
הַזֶּה. 15 And he blessed Joseph,
and said: 'The God before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk, the God
who hath been my shepherd all my life long unto this day,
טז
הַמַּלְאָךְ
הַגֹּאֵל
אֹתִי
מִכָּל-רָע,
יְבָרֵךְ
אֶת-הַנְּעָרִים,
וְיִקָּרֵא
בָהֶם שְׁמִי,
וְשֵׁם
אֲבֹתַי
אַבְרָהָם
וְיִצְחָק;
וְיִדְגּוּ
לָרֹב,
בְּקֶרֶב
הָאָרֶץ. 16 the angel who hath
redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads; and let my name be named in them, and
the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in
the midst of the earth.'
יז
וַיַּרְא
יוֹסֵף,
כִּי-יָשִׁית
אָבִיו
יַד-יְמִינוֹ
עַל-רֹאשׁ
אֶפְרַיִם--וַיֵּרַע
בְּעֵינָיו;
וַיִּתְמֹךְ
יַד-אָבִיו,
לְהָסִיר
אֹתָהּ מֵעַל
רֹאשׁ-אֶפְרַיִם--עַל-רֹאשׁ
מְנַשֶּׁה. 17 And
when Joseph saw that his father was laying his right hand upon the head of
Ephraim, it displeased him, and he held up his father's hand, to remove it from
Ephraim's head unto Manasseh's head.
יח
וַיֹּאמֶר
יוֹסֵף
אֶל-אָבִיו,
לֹא-כֵן אָבִי:
כִּי-זֶה
הַבְּכֹר,
שִׂים
יְמִינְךָ
עַל-רֹאשׁוֹ.
18 And Joseph said unto his father: 'Not so, my father, for this is the
first-born; put thy right hand upon his head.'
יט
וַיְמָאֵן
אָבִיו,
וַיֹּאמֶר
יָדַעְתִּי
בְנִי
יָדַעְתִּי--גַּם-הוּא
יִהְיֶה-לְּעָם,
וְגַם-הוּא
יִגְדָּל;
וְאוּלָם,
אָחִיו
הַקָּטֹן
יִגְדַּל
מִמֶּנּוּ,
וְזַרְעוֹ,
יִהְיֶה
מְלֹא-הַגּוֹיִם.
19 And his father refused, and said: 'I know it, my son, I know it; he
also shall become a people, and he also shall be great; howbeit his younger
brother shall be greater than he, and his seed shall become a multitude of
nations.'
כ
וַיְבָרְכֵם
בַּיּוֹם
הַהוּא,
לֵאמוֹר,
בְּךָ
יְבָרֵךְ
יִשְׂרָאֵל
לֵאמֹר,
יְשִׂמְךָ
אֱלֹהִים
כְּאֶפְרַיִם
וְכִמְנַשֶּׁה;
וַיָּשֶׂם
אֶת-אֶפְרַיִם,
לִפְנֵי
מְנַשֶּׁה. 20 And
he blessed them that day, saying: 'By thee shall Israel bless, saying: God make
thee as Ephraim and as Manasseh.' And he set Ephraim before Manasseh.
כIn Genesis 48:8
Jacob did not recognize Joseph’s sons, because they did not appear like
the other children of Israel, since their mother Asnat was an Egyptian. Genesis
48:10 attempts to appease Joseph by suggesting that Jacob really could not see
the children clearly. Nevertheless he did see them as he states in Genesis
48:11. The Torah goes out of the way to teach us not to offend anyone based on
race or interracial heritage. Another example is the wife of Moshe, where
Hashem goes out of his way to defend his servant’s marriage.
In
Israel, Jews from different countries marry producing a distinctly new looking
Israeli. What would an Asian-European Jewish child look like, naturally a
Sabra.
[1617]
The Sabra is one who is native born of the land of Israel. She may
very well be a product of immigrants of many countries. Jews, having lived in
exile for so many centuries brought with them, the genes of many races and the
dietary habits of many cultures. With the Korean or Japanese culture will come
healthier foods having less saturated fat and more antioxidants.
15.15 Conjugal
rights
"Her food, her raiment, and her conjugal rights shall he not
diminish."
(Exodus 21:10)
In marriage a husband is required to provide his wife with food, clothing,
and conjugal rights. That is a husband must make himself available to his wife
whenever she desires him. Tamar was the daughter in law of Judah. Two of Judah
sons had been married to her and had died and Judah did not give her to his
third son. One month Tamar prepared a tent at a crossroads and Judah came into
her thinking her a prostitute. He left with her his insignia for a safe keep
until payment. Later when Tamar became pregnant, Judah learned the story and
realized she was more righteous than him. For the commandment of conjugal
rights cannot be denied. While, a husband doesn’t have conjugal rights,
he should initiate his desires with her when he feels inclined. While there are
preferences in love making described in the Talmud, and there are biblical
prohibitions, the cultivation of love is so important that G-d
permits what is between husband and wife.
There is a prohibition against
looking at copulating animals. The reason is that there is a modesty that
should be kept even for the sake of animals. Copulation resembles the divine
image and one is prohibited from gazing thereon.
15.16 Rabbi
Nachman Sefer Hamiddot
CHITUN MARRIAGE
B
[1619]1)
A
person who has difficulty finding a marriage partner should recite the Shirat
HaYam, the Song of the Red Sea, with great concentration.
2)
Reciting the Blessing of the New Moon is particularly propitious for finding
one's match. This is hinted at by the Hebrew word for moon - LeVaNaH - which
comprises the first letters of the expression, "B'tulah Ni'sait L'yom Har'veee -
A virgin marries on the fourth day of the week" (see glossary B).
3)
A man gains prosperity and blessing when he chooses a Torah scholar to be his
son-in-law.
4)
Choosing a Torah scholar as one's son-in-law saves
a person from the punishment he deserves for having given bad advice to his
friend.
5)
When people choose Torah scholars for their daughters
to marry, proper judges are appointed.
6)
A person who has
difficulty finding a marriage partner should recite the Torah section
dealing'with the Temple sacrifices brought by the heads of the twelve tribes
(Numbers, chap. 7).
7)
The pairing of potential marriage partners,
even if only discussed and never actualized is also from Heaven. Mere talk of
such a match has an effect on each of the potential partners.
8)
The veil used to cover the bride before the ceremony carries with it a blessing
for children.
9)
Through prayer a person can exchange the marriage
partner designated for him in Heaven.
10)
When a husband and wife
are careful not to share sleeping quarters, even for one night, with another
couple, they merit having kohanim and prestigious [young] men for
sons-in-law.
11)
When a widower takes another wife, his first wife
suffers in her grave.
[1534] Kosher Sex, Shmuley
Boteach, p.170
[1535] This
could also apply in Jewish marriage when religious values differ from secular to
religious. Also, see
2.29 Ruth page 242 to understand when Jewish
marriage in the wilderness is implicit regardless of
conversion.
[1536] Mafteah
ha-Tokahot translated in The Mystical Expereince in Abraham
Abulafia
, Moshe Idel, p.
188.
[1537] “48 MS
Oxford 1605, fol. 7b; cf. Or ha-Sekel, MS. Vatican 233, fol. 128a, ‘and
according to the prophet who derives pleasure in attaining the form of prophecy
[i.e., a mystical experience].’”—Ibid. p.
213
[1538] Mazel,
constellation, is a euphemism for a person’s guardian angels and their
guidance.
[1539] A woman who
tacitly or overtly discourages her husband from prayer is not Jewish. The
converse is not necessarily
true.
[1540] These are notes
based on conversations with Rabbi Finehandler, author of Beloved Companions.
June 12
th
1999.
[1541] One should
divorce a wife who wakes her husband for snoring so that he has no
rest.
[1542] Gemara Yevamos,
Rabbi Aryeh Rosenfeld,
Yevamos
lecture[1543] See Health
chapter on
Hormones[1544]
It is not clear that this is still the case today, See Sec.
3:
The Oral Teachings
p.269
[1545] See
Text 15-8 where the daughter of a
foreign god alludes that she will pass this on to her
children.
[1546] Righteous
convert
[1547] Or Her as G-d
is beyond gender. See Exodus 28:36
[1548] Midrash Rabbah
Genesis 22:2 quoted in The Judaic Tradition, Nahum N. Glatzer,
p.206.
[1549] Proverbs
6:22
[1550] “Midrash
Tehillim to Ps. I, 3, adds, ‘from the worms,’ and Gen. Rab. XXXV
read, ‘in the hour of death’”—Soncino Talmud Mishnah
Avot
[1551] “MV:
‘it shall speak for thee,’ i.e., intercede on thy
behalf.”—Soncino Talmud Mishnah Avot. The Hebrew uses the word
“siah” meaning the Torah will converse with you, like the sounds of
grasses blowing in the
wind.
[1552] Malachi
2:11-16
[1553] Talmud
Kiddushin 12b
[1554]
Celebration & Renewal, Edited by Rela M. Geffen, p.96 and p.124 footnote
26
[1555] Hebrew literally
means ‘twin
soul’
[1556] http://www.yarzheit.com/heavensregister/soulmate.htm,
http://www.yarzheit.com/heavensregister/rebmeirbaalhaness.htm
[1557] Bat kol, “a
voice from heaven.” The daughter runs from her father to tell the world
what she has learned. This is the Bat Kol or partzuf Nukvah from
Hochmah.
[1558] See
Figure 19-1: The Multiplicity of the
Soul in One
Individual[1559] See
19.3 Reincarnation[1560]
Alludes to seeing the shofar and hearing the fire on Mt.
Sinai
[1561] www.landmarkeducation.com
[1562] From the
understanding of orthodox
women
[1563] Tietze C.
Reproductive span and rate of reproduction among Hutterite women. Fertil Steril
1957;8:89 –97.
[1564]
http://www.karandeivf.com/Over40.pdf One last chance for
pregnancy: a review of 2,705 in vitro fertilization cycles initiated in women
age 40 years and above: Sigal Klipstein, M.D., Meredith Regan, Sc.D., David A.
Ryley, M.D., Marlene B. Goldman, Sc.D., Michael M. Alper, M.D., and Richard H.
Reindollar, M.D.
[1565] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility
[1566] http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20040618/fertility-treatment-less-successful-after-35
Leridon, H. Human Reproduction, June 17, 2004: vol 19, pp 1549-1554. George
Attia, MD, director, In Vitro Fertilization program, University of Miami School
of Medicine. Tarum Jain, MD, instructor of reproductive endocrinology, Boston's
Brigham and Women's Hospital and Harvard Medical
School.
[1567] http://novaivf.com/index.php?page=age
[1568] http://novaivf.com/index.php?page=age
[1569] http://www.carilion.com/kbase/htm/hw22/7379/hw227379.htm
[1570] 2004 Assisted
Reproductive Technology (ART) Report:
http://www.cdc.gov/ART/ART2004/sect2_fig5-15.htm#12
[1571] http://www.americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/PEovwatch.htm
[1572] http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm
[1573] Basal Body
Temperature increases due to progesterone being released after
ovulation.
[1574] Increases
levels of progesterone, maintaining the uterine wall and preventing
menstruation.
[1575]
Appetite, fatigue, fever, nausea, and swollen
breasts
[1576] http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm
[1577] Basal Body
Temperature increases due to progesterone being released after
ovulation.
[1578] Increases
levels of progesterone, maintaining the uterine wall and preventing
menstruation.
[1579]
Appetite, fatigue, fever, nausea, and swollen
breasts
[1580] http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/lutealphase.html
[1581] http://www.paternityangel.com/Articles_zone/Hormones/Hormones2.htm
[1582] http://pregnancyvitamins.net/prenate-dha/ has some interesting
comparisons with Trimedisyn and
Prenatalgyn
[1583] http://stmarkshospital.icu.ehc.com/CustomPage.asp?PageName=HypnoBirthing,
http://www.joleneshieldshypnotherapy.com/index.html,
http://www.hypnobirthingutah.com/
[1584] http://prenatalgyn.com/
[1585] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_male_circumcision
[1586] http://www.circumstitions.com/Glossary2.html;
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071203103058AA28Pd2
[1587] www.shtetlinks.jewishgen.org/Kolomea/1911ket.jpg
[1588] http://www.judaica-guide.com/ketubah_translation/
[1589] http://www.judaica-guide.com/ketubah/
[1590] See
Text 2-304: Ezra 9: Intermarriage
prohibition[1591] This
can be extended to other nations who practice customs similar to Deut. 7:5 in
setting up gardens for the worship of fertility goddesses or the making of
idols.
[1592] http://ohr.edu/ask/ask202.htm
[1593] Rabbi Shem
Tov
[1594] There are many
cases of children of intermarriage with a huge interest in Judaism. Ironically,
the orthodox religious society has alienated their future; often because there
is no Bet Din or infrastructure for their official acceptance into their people
where they live. Intermarriage as in the case of Mahlon in Moab with Ruth is
simply the result of a dearth of choices in remote areas, but in no way
diminishes the viability of a Jewish family. It is only the alienation of a
community that can achieve this sin.
[1595] http://www.talkingaboutintermarriage.com/
[1596] Ruth 1:1, Genesis
1:28
[1597] Ruth
1:4
[1598] Ruth
1:7-8
[1599] A private
declaration is sufficient as reported in the Book of
Ruth.
[1600] Ruth
1:16-17
[1601] Ruth
1:18
[1602] See
2.10.6 Isaiah 56
p.193
[1603] See
2.34 Ezra
p.254
[1604] A History of the
Jewish Experience, Leo Trepp,
pp.33-34
[1605] Mikvah
symbolism
[1606] Metsudah
Siddur, p.120
[1607] http://www.beingjewish.com/conversion/non-orthodox.html
[1608] See
15.12 Conversion
p.687
[1609] Numbers
15:29
[1610] http://www.hashkafah.com/Dating-Marrying-Jewish-Girls-who-interested-Judaism-t57696.html
[1611] “Jacob’s
Legacy: A Genetic View of Jewish History” from Duke University Scientist
David Goldstein
[1612]
“Abraham’s Children: Race, Identity, and the DNA of the Chosen
People”
[1613] See
11.1 David
p.570
[1614] See
2.5.4 Ki Teitzei Deut 23
[1615] Do not create doubts
in others. Tenth of Tevet 5771 erev Shabbat from Moshe ben Ovadiah
z”l.
[1616] Jewish
Faith and Modern Science, Norbert Samuelson, ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD
PUBLISHERS, INC., 2009,
p.109.
[1617] http://www.hapavoice.com
