'True' Tech Illiteracy Stories #8 


Cust: I'm getting a "sector not found" error when trying to do a DIR
 on my CDROM.
Me: Has the CDROM worked before?
Cust: Yes, I was just using it yesterday.
Me: Is there a CD in the drive?
Cust: Yes.
Me: Can youeject it and make sure it's inserted correctly?
Cust: It's in correctly.
Me: What CDROM is it?
Cust: Beatles anthology.


Cust: I'm trying to run a program from an Os/2 command prompt and
 it says it can't be run from an Os/2 window. It says the file
 may not be an OS/2 program.
Me: It is an OS/2 program?
Cust: No, it's a DOS program.


I was working at Circuit City. A Vietnamese man brought a microwave
back. When asked what was wrong with it, he said, "no picture."


A customer called via modem and registered with our internet service.
Later, he called computer service and said when he tried to download
Netscape all he heard was a bunch of modem noise. We told him the noise was
normal upon connection and to try again. He asked how long downloading
would take, and we said about half an hour. He called back later, and
told us he dialed the number, waited a half hour, he heard line noise the
whole time and still didn't have Netscape on his computer. We asked him
exactly what he did. He replied, "I hung up the phone with you, then
dialed your other number." We asked, "Did you use your computer?" He
responded, "I didn't know I was suppose to use the computer."
He used his telephone instead of his modem.


In response to a question about a printer that keeps reinitializing itself,
a tech said, "That's normal. If you haven't used it for a while it lays
low, then initializes itself." One tech asked, "What do you mean,
initialize printer? I don't know what that means. If it's on the front panel
but not on screen, has to be a network problem." Another said, "If you
switch from one program to another, you must reinitialize the printer each
time". One was sure it was a network problem; when I wouldn't crawl under
the desks to check the termination, he said to check with our network
consultant. I was then disconnected after 5 minutes on hold...!


My father works for a multinational company and he is the manager of a
project that implements a new sales support system in the entire region he
is operating in. When he wrote the instructions to the sales
representatives on how to do this he got the letter back from one of the
regional offices with complaints. His original instructions read like this:
From the File menu, select OS-Shell. This will make your screen look like
this: C:\SPS\WIN  Now type DOWNLOAD ... etc. The hand-written remark on
the sheet of paper was "These instructions are incorrect and cannot be
followed! Right after C:\SPS\WIN, a strange bracket > pops up and it
WILL NOT go away!"


Tech: Okay, So your monitor is not working, the screen is blank and no
matter what you do it stays blank? Do you see that button on the
bottom right hand side of the screen? Press it. Okay, bye!


I ran the computer department for a collection company and one day a
user walked up to me and told me she had received a payment in that
day, but her screen wasn't flashing to notify her (the right corner of
the screen normally would reverse color and flash 'Payment Received').
Then she went on to tell me that she was pretty sure the bulb was just
burned out and needed to be replaced.


A customer called up the company that made her hand-held scanner,
complaining that it wasn't scanning correctly. After several minutes of
hardware and software questions, the tech asked what exactly the person did
to scan. "Well," she said, "I simply put it on the side of my head and drag
it down." (And she wonders why the "brain scanner" can't find anything!)


The client had unplugged the power cord, one of those high density, high
resistance air connections, and wondered why the machine wouldn't start.
I had them follow the electrical cord from the back of the computer to
the power strip. Then, I had them follow the power strip cord around,
and it was plugged into itself. I calmly suggested that it would work
better if it was plugged into the wall.


A client ordered a Quadra 840AV, but they didn't want the internal CD-ROM
which comes standard. So, I took it out before I delivered it. But,
I didn't have a blank bezel to cover the opening. I set the system up for
them, and told them I'd be back to replace the bezel. I returned later,
opened up the case, and found several post-it notes. They had been put in
there because she thought that the original CD bezel, with its long slim
opening, looked like the trash receptacles they have on ATMs.


One time a guy phoned me to complain that Norton Utilities failed to recover
his data, after he had switched off the computer before he had saved his work.


Problem: User cannot access the disk drive.
Cause: User put the 5.25 inch disk in the tiny gap between drives A:
and B: and then attempted to close the drive A: door.


Problem: User is having problems with disk.
Cause: User took the "Remove diskette from sleeve and insert into
drive" literally and sliced open the protective cover of the disk,
inserting the disk into the drive.


A service tech rx'd an onsite call that was about 75 mi. away. Symptom: no
lights, no display, nada. His first ? to the lady was 'have you verified
that it is plugged in to a working AC outlet'. She ripped his lungs out!
He said OK and jumped in his van and drove the 75mi. When he
walked around the counter, he noticed one of those wedge shaped plug
inserts that allows you to plug in half of your house in one plug AND it was
at about a 45 degree horizontal angle. He laid his hands on top of the
CRT and stated loudly, "If you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, BE HEALED,"
and at the same time kicked the plug in the wall while slapping the top of
the CRT. LO and BEHOLD, everything went beep, PRN cycled the paper, and
everything was OK. He pulled out his service book, wrote on the ticket, "I
healed it", and left.


One lady had just bought a Apple IIc and complained that she was having
problems with her monitor, so we told her to bring it in, and we'd check
it out. So she brought her monitor in, and it works without a flaw. We
told her that the monitor isn't the problem, and to bring her CPU in.
She stared at us blankly, and asked, "What's the CPU?" Joe explained that
it's the piece of equipment that all your devices plug into. So about 20
minutes later, she returned, carrying the surge supressor. When we
explained to her the item that we needed her to bring in, she replied,
"Oh, you mean the keyboard!" And to make this all the more interesting,
she was a gradeschool computer class instructor.


We had a customer who constantly complained that his floppy disk drive
didn't work. When we asked him to start the machine up, he pulled from
his briefcase an A4 clip file, which he opened revealing all of his floppies.
He'd clipped holes in them so that they could be stored in his clip file!


An office was using 5 1/4" floppies as its main storage medium. Eventually,
they began to fail to read. Fortunately, they had asked the secretary to
make copies of all of the important disks, which they now asked her to fetch.
She returned with a folder in which were dozens of photocopies of the disks.
This was not much help!


Someone e-mailed me and said that he thought that I could help
'im...he wanted me to tell him how to hack into a phone company's
computer or something and find out someone's unlisted number! I
think this person has seen Hackers a few TOO many times...!! :)


A while back, I sold a copy of a popular word processing application to
a customer. It wouldn't install, and would fail on the first disk. I
instructed her to bring it back in for an exchange. After a couple more
times of the same thing happening, I said that if she would bring it
back, I would install it on the store's system to insure its operability,
with the provision that if it fails, we fully refund her. She agreed.
We tried to install. I opened the box to find the 5.25 disks trimmed by
about an inch on either side. Yes, you guessed it. She had purchased what
was then the standard, a 5.25" version, and had tried to "make the disks
fit" in her spanking new PS/2's 3.5" drive.


When my friend was working in Escom Sales, there was a guy who bought
WinWord. Around one hour he said that *the dang thing ain't working*.
Moreover, he told to my friend that the whole computer was broken. The
guy had been installing it. After he finished with the first floppy, he
got a screen message, saying, 'Please insert disk into into Drive A:\'.
So, he did. But, without removing the first floppy...He refused to
admit that it was his fault because there was no message saying 'please
remove disk one first' The thing which is still puzzling me is, how on
earth did he push a second disk into a drive?!


A customer said his computer wouldn't read floppy disks. When a tech
arrived at the man's home, she found out the reason was because he was
folding 5 1/4" disks in half and putting them in the 3 1/2" drive...
He had 5 disks in there!


I was teaching a user about windows, told her to move the cursor up to
the menu line...move the cursor to the menu line... move the mouse up to
move the cursor up to the menu line... (nuthin happening...) so I look
over her right shoulder and she had raised the mouse UP about a foot OFF
the desk!


 ___  __  __  ___    __    _  _  _  _  ____
/ __)(  )(  )(_  )  /__\  ( \( )( \( )( ___) Suzanne Cook
\__ \ )(__)(  / /  /(__)\  )  (  )  (  )__)  
(___/(______)(___)(__)(__)(_)\_)(_)\_)(____) http://www.cs.utah.edu/~scook/