Fictional Computer Illiteracy Stories 



Interesting things that one learns about computers in the movies...

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display 2 in high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or
some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical 
interfaces.

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based 
command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands 
typed in plain English.

6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by 
simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus 
by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in 
computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke 
billows out of disk drives and monitors.

8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on 
the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever 
the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on 
the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The 
*really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix 
printer as the characters come across the screen.

10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots 
just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright 
flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that 
forces you backward. See #7, above)

11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without 
saving the data.

12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world 
before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will 
be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems 
transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the 
control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

16. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the 
file,it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy 
a backup file-and there are no undelete utilities.

17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked 
for a password when you try to access it.

18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable 
by any system you put it into. All application software is usable 
by all computer platforms.

19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. 
However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons 
aren't labeled.

20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying 
three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics 
capability.

21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing 
real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY- 
MP.

22. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright 
that it projects itself onto his/her face.

23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. 
Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow 
down users.

25. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You 
can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. For example: 
"What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check.

26.  Aliens use Macintosh compatible computers (Independence Day).

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