Blonde Jokes (not just the canonical list)


(Editor's note about this list: I don't have anything against blondes. I am just a collector of jokes.
Also, FYI, "blonde" and "blond" are both correct. See Webster's for more info.)

How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

Why did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant?
He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
Double-dumb.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is
 sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!

What's the advantage of being married to a blond?
You can park in handicapped zones.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.

What do you call an all-blond skydiving team?
A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

Where do you look for blonds' obituaries?
Under "Home Improvements."

Why did the blond take his new scarf back to the store?
It was too tight.

Why did it take the blond a whole week to wash three basement windows?
It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.

Did you hear about the blond who gave his cat a bath?
He still hasn't gotten all the hair off his tongue.

How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
Light reading.

Did you hear about the blond who thought he discovered that
 he had a twin brother?
He didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.

There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact.
They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The
first one opens it and says, "This person looks familiar" The second one
says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend and says, "Silly, that's me!"

Did you hear about the blond who never learned to waterski?
He couldn't find a lake with a slope.

What do you call a blond in a leather jacket?
A rebel without a clue!

Why did the blond only smell good on the right side?
He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Why couldn't the blond bob for apples?
His sister was using the toilet.

A blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his
 window seat?
Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?
Donna: I dunno. How?
Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.
Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

Why don't blonds have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.

What did the blond do when he noticed that someone had already
 written on the overhead transparency?
He turned it over and used the other side.

Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000
 leagues under the sea?
She said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there
 were so many teams.

Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

How many blonds does it take to make a circuit?
Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the
 blow dryer!

Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.

What does a postcard from a blond's vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Why did the blond scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

How does a blond hemophiliac treat himself?
Acupuncture.

Why did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw
 puzzle in only six months?
Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."

Did you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air?
He missed.

What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
The tree knows when it's being cut down.

Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
So men will understand them.

What did the blonde do with her arsehole in the morning?
Packed his lunch and sent him to work.

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
 what she did with her pencil.

Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the
 Olympics?
She had it bronzed.

What's a blonde's favorite color?
A light shade of clear.

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Did you hear about the blond prisoner who was found in his cell
 with half a dozen bumps on his head?
He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.

Hear about the blond explorer?
He bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

How did the blond moonwalk?
He got naked from the waist down and slid his butt along the floor.

Did you hear about the blond who thought nitrates were cheaper than
 day rates?

A blond lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to
see him...when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in
the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he
was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he
was trying to win a Nobel Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but
what are you doing in the paddock?" He replied, "I was reading the
newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Nobel Peace prize
was to be outstanding in your field."

Did you hear about the blond who was arrested for shoplifting
shoes from K-Mart? They caught him just as he was hopping out
the front door.
(U.S. K-Mart marketing note: pairs of shoes are typically sold
connected together by a short string.)

Did you hear about the blonde who was shopping in Macy's when the
 power went out? She was trapped for three hours on an escalator.
Hear about her?! That was my wife. Incidently, she brought the
 escalator home with her. (She'll buy anything marked down!)

A blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30
minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The
blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on
the back?"

Blonde: I was born in the U.S.
Friend: Oh really, what part?
Blonde: All of me, silly.

A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting
 in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.
During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor
 asked her to tell about herself.
She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever had."
The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.
After the brunette left in a snit, a blond sat in the chair. The
 professor asked him to tell something of his life.
He began, "I think -"
The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the floor.

What do a group of blonds have in common?
Nothing they can think of.

A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the
country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic.
The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get
to her house. The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."

----

How do you confuse a blond?
You don't have to. They're born that way.

How do you confuse a blond?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

How does he confuse you back?
He comes out and says he did.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask him, "How do you confuse a blonde?" and walk
away.  However, he will bug you for the answer all day.

----

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
To keep the refrigerator cold.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.

----

Why don't blonds call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.
Or: They can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Why couldn't the blond write the number ELEVEN?
He didn't know which ONE came first.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

How does a blond spell 'farm'?
E-I-E-I-O.

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third grade.

What do you call a blond in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.

What do you call a blond CPA?
An impostor.

Why did the blonde stay up all night studying?
She had a urine test the next day.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blonds.

Do blondes read Shakespeare?
"No, who wrote it?"

Why are blonds hurt by peoples' words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Did you hear about that blond who was an M.D.?
Yes, Mentally Deficient.

What's the Blonde's Cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yeah yeah yeah..."

Did you hear about the blonde who went to the library and
 checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the
 encyclopedia.

What does 'XXX' stand for?
Blonds co-signing a note!

How did you know a blonde would do it for change?
Maybe she thinks pennies are easier to count than dollar bills!

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in kindergarten; which
 one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.

A dumb blond was bragging about his knowledge of the state capitals.
 He proudly said, "go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A redhead said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blond replied, "Oh, that's easy - 'W'."

----

Why did they stop doing the 'wave' at BYU?
Too many blondes were drowning.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Or: Leave a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

How do you drown a blond?
When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.

What happened to the blond ice hockey team? 
They drowned in Spring training.

----

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

----

Did you hear about the blond couple that were found frozen to
 death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

How do you recognize a blond at a car wash?
He's the one on his bike.

What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin'.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

Did you hear about the blond who almost caused a car accident?
The spare tire in his trunk blew out.

How does the blonde car pool work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.

Why do blonds drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.

What did the blond do when he heard that 90% of accidents
 occur within five miles of home?
He moved ten miles away.

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.

Why did the blond have tire tread marks on his back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK."

Why did the blond cross the road?
I don't know.
Neither did he.
Or: He wanted to see the geese because he heard honking!

What goes "Vroom...screech...vroom...screech...vroom...screech?"
A blonde at a flashing red light.

Two blonds observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
 their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blond#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
 to rain and the top is down!

A blond was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a
 sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT." After thinking for a minute, he
 said to himself, "oh well!" and turned around and drove home.
On his way home, the same blond drove past another sign that said 
 "CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES." By the time he drove eight miles,
 he had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Why did the blond ask his girlfriend to squeeze his left testicle?
Because the road sign said 'Squeeze Left.'

A policeman pulled a blond over after he'd been driving the wrong
 way on a one-way street.
Cop:  Do you know where you were going?
Blond: No, but whatever it is, it must be bad since everyone's leaving.

A blond sees a freight train coming and speeds up to beat it
 across the tracks.
The investigator at the scene of the accident wrote on his report,
"Some idiot, racing to beat the train, died when he hit the caboose."

Blondes don't worry about flat tires because, as they reason... "Heck,
it's only flat on the bottom. If I need to go somewhere, I'll just
drive on the top half."

There's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new,
candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio
blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is
carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her
disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that
she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to
within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her
on his *ss, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks
like a wave and she waves back.
Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer
and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more
visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his *ss,
and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.
The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a
circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs
her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees
to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and
pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the
Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he
is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000
pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks
over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is
rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why
are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!" She is
laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out,
"While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

 A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling 
it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem
to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There
is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
 "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
 "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns
a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your
car back to 50,000 miles.  Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
 The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.  About one 
month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
 "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.  She went to
the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for
her to do.  "Well, you can paint my porch.  How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the
paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.  The man's wife,
inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she
realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should.  She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had
paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his
pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch,
it's a Ferrari."

 A blonde was driving down the road and she was swerving from left to right.
A cop, who was watching this the whole time, pulled her over, and said,
"Ma'am, what were you doing?"
 She replies, "Thank God you're here, Officer! I was driving down the road
and all of the sudden this tree appeared in front of me, so i swerved to
get around it!  Then another tree appeared in front of me, so i went
around that one!  Then another!"
 The cop replied, "Ma'am, that was just your air freshener." 

----

What do you call three blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing
 on a street corner?
4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks!

How did the blond try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

Why did God give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them pooping in the streets during parades.

What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a
 dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?

What did the blond name his pet zebra?
Spot.

How was the blond killed at the pie eating contest?
A cow stepped on his face.

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?
They couldn't fit a deer into the car.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says,
"Awww, look at the poor dead bird." The blonde stops, looks
up, and says, "Where?"

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and
said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says 
"Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are
deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and half an hour later,
they were both killed by a train.

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying
overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over
her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've
hit me right in the face!"

There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she
decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd
of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take
one home?" "Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked
at the herd for a second and then replied "382." "Wow." Said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take
home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

 A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience.  She mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.  It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
 In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip.  She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the side of the horse anyway.
 The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try
and throw herself to safety.
 Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is
now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the
ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when...the
Wal-Mart manager runs out and shuts the horse off.

----

Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What do you call a good-looking brunette guy in between two blond guys?
An interpreter in need of an immediate rescue.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits
 the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Or: The brunette. The blonde is such an airhead.

Why did the blonde dye her hair brunette?
She thought it would help her get a higher score on the SAT.

A bleached blonde and a natural blonde were on top of the Empire
State Building. How do you tell them apart? The bleached blonde
would never throw bread to the helicopters.

----

What did the blonde say when she knocked over a Ming vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

What did the blonde get on her A.C.T.?
Nail polish!

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About two cans of hair spray.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch as much as they can that goes over their heads.

What happened to the suicide blonde?
She dyed by her own hand.

What can save a dying blond?
Hair transplants.

Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for
 a make-up exam?

What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
Thanks for the refill.

Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
Silicone chips.

How can you tell if a blond writes mysteries?
He has a checkbook.

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Hide her hair brush.

Why didn't the blond want a window seat on the plane?
He didn't want it the wind to mess up his hair.

Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.

----

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it
 in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!"

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.

How did the blond burn his nose?
Bobbing for french fries.

Did you hear about the blonde who ate rocky mountain oysters?
She was dragged 200 yards.

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar
 in her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

Why don't blondes like buttered toast?
They can't figure out which side the butter goes on.

 A blonde walks into a store, and sees something.  She asks, "What's that?"
The owner says, "It's a thermos."  "What does it do?" "It keeps hot things
hot and cold things cold."  The blonde buys it.
 The next day, she brings it to work, and is telling her coworker about it.
He asks, "What do you have in it?"  The blonde says, "Two cups of soup and
ice cream."

----

Why do blondes always drink with straws?
Practice.

Why did the blond keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge?
In case he wanted black coffee.

Why shouldn't blondes be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.

Why did the blond climb up to the roof of the bar?
He heard that the drinks were on the house.

This milkman sees a note on the door of one of his blonde customers.
The note asks for 100 quarts of milk. Thinking this a mistake, the
milkman rings her doorbell and asks about the 100 quarts. She says,
"Yes, I need 100 quarts. On the talk show I saw last night they said
milk baths are good for the skin." The milkman asks, "Do you want it
PASTURIZED?" She answers, "No...up to my shoulders will be sufficient!"

----

What did the blond say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

How does a blond kill a fish?
He drowns it.

How did the blond die ice fishing?
He was run over by the zamboni.

A blond painted an X on the bottom of the boat.  His blond friend walked up
and asked, "What are you doing?"  He replied, "Now I'll be able to find
the same fishing spot again."   His blond friend called him an idiot
because "we may not get the same boat again"!

 A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and
finally, after getting all the necessary items together, she made for the 
nearest frozen lake.  After positioning her footstool, she started to 
make a circular cut in the ice.
 Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"  
 Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice and began to cut yet
another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE
NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
 The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of
the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.  The voice 
came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
 She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" 
 The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"

 Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing 
poles with the lines in the water.  A game warden came up behind 
them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd 
like to see your fishing licenses."
 "We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
 "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
 "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing.  We all
have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the
bottom of  the river."
 The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were
magnets tied on the end of each line.  "Well, I know of no law against it,"
said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
 As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing
hysterically.  "What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the
other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

----

A blonde was staring, dumbfounded, at a rushing river blocking her
path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the
other side. She yelled, "Hey, can you help me get to the other side?"
The other blonde replied, "You ARE on the other side!"

----

What happens when a blond gets Alzheimer's disease?
His I.Q. goes up!

What did the blond get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.

What do you call a blond golfer with an I.Q. of 125?
A foursome.

What's five miles long and has an I.Q. of forty?
A blonde parade.

----

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Why can't blonds make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.

Why did the blond call the welfare office?
He wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Why was the blonde housewife mad at her husband?
He was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them.

----

What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blond hair?
Last year's Hide and Seek winner.

How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.

How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.

----

Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.

How do you keep a blond busy?
Write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Why did the blond stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours?
Because it said "concentrate."
A2: Like he can read! Honestly!

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
(I'll tell you tomorrow.)

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person
 to say 'hi.'

Why do blondes shower for hours?
The shampoo bottle says, "Lather, rinse, and repeat!"

How do you get a blond to be quiet?
Say: "A penny for your thoughts."

----

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off.

What does a blond say when you ask him if the blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

----

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.

What is the difference between Elvis and smart blonds?
Elvis has been sighted.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A Labrador retriever.

What do UFOs and smart blonds have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are
 walking along when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
 it was a gum wrapper.

----

What did the blond say when asked if he believed in smoking?
"Yes, I've seen it done."

Do blondes smoke after sex?
"Dunno, I never looked."

Why did the blond take two hits of acid?
He wanted to go on a round trip.

Why did the blond snort Nutra-Sweet?
He thought it was Diet Coke.

What do you call ten blonds standing around in a circle?
A dope ring.

How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.

Three blondes walked into a bar. The bartender asked the first what she wanted.
She replied "I'll have a bl." He thought a moment and then asked her
"What's a bl?" She replied, "Well, duh, a bl is a Bud Lite."
 He turned to the second one and asked what she wanted. She replied "Make mine
a ml." He thought ok, if a bl is Bud Lite, then ml could be Michelob or
something, and said, "OK, what's a ml?" She replied, "Well, duh, it's a
Miller Lite."
 He then turned to the third one and asked what she wanted. She replied "I'll
have a 15." He said, "Ok, bl is Bud Lite, and ml is Miller Lite, but I have
never heard of a 15. What is it?"  She said, "Well, duh, it's a 7-7."

----

What do you call a dumb blond behind a steering wheel?
An air bag.

What do you call ten blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
An air bag.

Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.

How do you change a blond's mind?
Blow in his ear.

What do you call it when a blond guy blows in a blonde girl's ear?
A data transfer.

How does a blond measure his I.Q.?
He holds a tire gauge to his ear!

Why do blondes stick their heads out the window?
To re-fuel.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!

What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air pockets.

What do you call fifty blondes in a swimming pool?
Air bubbles.

What's a blond's favorite rock group?
Air Supply.

How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
Blow in her ear, if she's a natural blonde she starts to float.
Or: If you hear the wind whistling through her ears, you know she's
 a natural blonde.

What's the difference between the following two sounds: A
 punctured balloon and a blond with a hole in his head?
None.

Did you hear about the blond who went hot air ballooning?
He sat too close to the campfire.

A blonde survived in a terrible car-collision on a highway.
Surprisingly, her car was an old lemon without even an
air-bag. But, she had an air-head. :-)

----

Why does it take so long to build a blond snowman?
You have to hollow out the head.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.

What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery
 on a blond?
"Space. The final frontier."

What do you see when you look into a blond's eyes?
The back of his head.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

What happened when the blonde got into the cab?
The driver kept the "vacant" sign up.

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in an empty area?
A vacant lot.

Why don't blonds go bald?
Because the vacuum in their head holds the hair in.

Did you hear about the blonde who wore "Space for Rent" signs
as earrings?

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown
off.  "How did this happen?" The doctor asked.  "I was trying to commit
suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
finger?"  "Well, I put the gun in my ear and I thought it was going to make
a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."

----

What do you get when you offer a blond a penny for his thoughts?
Change.

What's the difference between a blond and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

What is a blond doing when he holds his hands over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

What do you call a blond with brain damage?
Normal.

Why are rectal thermometers banned for use in blondes?
They cause too much brain damage.

How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.

What do you call blonde brain cells?
On loan.

Why are blondes immune to Mad Cow Disease?
It only affects the brain.

What do you call a blond with half a brain?
Gifted!

Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.

Why is it so hard to find a blond's brains?
You have to look very closely in his pants.

----

What do you do when a blond throws a pin at you?
Run like hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

What do you do when a blond throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

----

Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.

How do you confuse a blond?
Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Why does it work?
"Does three come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

----
 
Why do all blonds all have a dimple on their chin and a
 flat forehead?
Finger on chin - I don't know. Hits forehead - Oh I get it

How does a blonde high-five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

----

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
 Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.

How did the blond break his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.

How do you get a one-armed blond out of a tree?
Wave to him.

What do you call a blond in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.

----

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.

Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens?
They couldn't find their eraser.

What did the blond think of the new computer?
He didn't like it because he couldn't get MTV.

What's the difference between a blond and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.

How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.

A blonde goes into an appliance store looking for a tv. After
a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman. "I want
to buy this television," she says. The salesman replies, "Sorry, we
don't serve blondes here." She gets mad, leaves and goes home.
She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store. "I want to buy this
television." she says to the salesman, getting the same response;
"Sorry miss, we don't serve blondes here." She leaves again, frustrated.
She goes home and proceeds to shave her head, eyebrows and all, leaving
no visible trace of blonde hair on her head. Upon returning to the store,
she once again approaches the salesman. "Sir, I would like to purchase
this television, and I don't want any problems." To which the salesman
replies, "Sorry Miss, we don't serve blondes." Fed up with this, she
cries, "How can you tell that I am blonde? I have dyed my hair and
even resorted to shaving my head!" To which the salesman replied, "Well,
Miss, that television you are trying to buy is a microwave!"

----

Why was the blond leery of an innuendo?
He thought it was an Italian suppository.

Why did the blond law student keep failing his bar exam?
He thought an anti-trust suit was a chastity belt.

Why do blondes have big belly-buttons?
From dating blonde men.

Why was the blonde disappointed?
Because she found out that 'Phillips 14 inch' was a TV.

Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.

Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
They keep falling out.

Did you hear about the blonde who thought her typewriter was pregnant?
It was skipping periods.

Why did the blond put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down.

Why did the blond wear condoms on his ears?
So he wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

What did the blond do when he discovered he had crabs?
He went to the beach to set them all free.

Why did the blonde want to make love in the microwave?
She wanted to have a baby in nine minutes.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

What do you call a blonde with a brain?
Pregnant.

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
"Is it mine?"

What about the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was.

What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
Retardo.

Why does a blond only change his baby's diapers every month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to twenty pounds."

Why did the blond want to become a veterinarian?
Because he loved children.

I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even
sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?
She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

A blond couple goes to a doctor to see if there is any medical
reason for the decreased sex drive that has keep them celibate
recently. After tests, the doctor tells them that everything
is perfectly normal. He tells them that people married as long
as they have been typically just get bored, and need to think
of some creative ways of adding some spice to their sex life.
On her next visit to the mall, the wife recalls what the doctor
said, goes into Victoria's Secret, and buys a pair of crotchless
panties. She puts them on when she gets home and waits in the
bedroom for her husband to arrive. When the husband comes into the
bedroom, she points at herself and says, "You want some of this?"
His reply: "No way! Look what it did to those panties!"

----

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about a job. In
the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room, she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room, she said
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The
lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm
sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blonds laying sod
across the street."

Two blonds were roofing a house. One would pull out a nail and then
hammer it into the roof. Then he would pull out another nail, look
at it, then throw it over his shoulder. Blond two eventually saw what
blond one was doing, watched him a while and then said, "Why do you keep
throwing out every other nail?" The first blond replied, "Because their
point is on the wrong end." The second blond then said, "You airhead,
those nails are for the other side of the roof!"

A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
One of the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some
four-by-twos."  The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.  He returned
a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."  "Alright.
How long do you need them?"  The blond paused for a minute and
said, "I'd better go check."  After awhile, he returned to the office
and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

----

BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been
 asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

----

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out of the
plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency
cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells
"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

----

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The 
route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their
arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for
airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning,
as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed
the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the 
hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the
phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't
get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess
replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is
the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says
'Do Not Disturb'!"

----

There was a man and a blonde woman who were both mentally ill. They
were walking around the swimming pool at the institution. The man fell
in, and the woman went in to save him. The next day, a social worker
called the woman into his office. He said that he had good news and
bad news. The good news was that they may let her out because she
had enough sense to save the guy. The bad news was that they found
the man hung up, dead, in his closet. The woman said, "Well, I had
to hang him up to dry. Can I leave, now?"

----

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section.
The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she
doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde,
I'm smart and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until
we reach Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to
leave and she says, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have a good job. I'm
staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the
rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The
copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately
gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.

The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move.
The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't
going to Jamaica."

----

A blond and his gal were embracing passionately in the
front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?"  she asked. 
"No," he replied. A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want 
to get in the back seat?" "No," he said again, "I wanna stay here 
in the front seat with you."

----

A blond guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young
woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him,
"Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian."
The blond goes over to her anyway and says, "So which part of
Lesbia are you from?"

----

Why can't blonds put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
"What's a light bulb?"
Or: "You can change those things?!"
Or: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaaddy!"

How does a blonde change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them
decides to call 911:
Blonde:  We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde:  Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde:  Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde:  Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde:  No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde:  We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and 
	 hurt ourselves.

----

The three finalists in the Women's Olympic swim meet were all novices
to international competition. However, all had excelled during the
early going, and after several heats the score was tied; the first
match employing the breast stroke would decide the winner. The gun
sounded, and the three young women dove into the water. Nancy
finished first, crossing the pool in five seconds flat; Jean finished
less than half a second later. Bringing up the rear was Mary, a blonde,
who finished a full ten seconds after the others. As she completed the
lap and climbed from the pool, she sputtered, "I protest! The other
women were using their arms!"

----

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They were
running along when they came upon a dock. On the dock were three
gunnysacks. They could hear the cops approaching, so the brunette
suggested that they get in the sacks. So they got in the sacks right
before the cops arrived. A cop kicked the sack with the redhead in it,
and she said, "Ruff ruff ruff!" He said, "Oh, it's only a dog." He
kicked the one with the brunette in it, and she said "Meow meow meow."
He said, "Oh, it's only a cat." Then, he kicked the one with the
blonde in it, and she said, "POTATOES POTATOES POTATOES!"

----

A brunette goes to see her doctor:
"Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the Doc.
"Well, if I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg
here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if I touch
my foot here, it hurts."
"Tell me," said the doctor. "Do you dye your hair?"
"Yes," she said. "I'm really a blonde."
"I thought as much; you've broken your finger."

----

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles,
and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and
she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if
she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland
than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The
redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam
out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was
too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!
I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles,
ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore
was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So
she swam back.

----

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years,
they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp.  They rub it, and 
sure enough, out comes a genie.  The genie says "since I can only give
out three wishes, you may each have one"  So the brunette goes first, "I
have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and
my life - I just want to go home." POOF, she is gone. The redhead
makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too." POOF, she
is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks,
"What is the matter?" The blonde said, "I wish my friends were here." 

----

A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on
and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the
headphones o.k.?" "Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback
- but happy for the work. Three weeks later, the same blonde returned
and asked for another haircut but with the same condition, "Whatever
you do ... don't touch the headphones." "No problem," said the
hairdresser who went on to give her another good cut, considering the
restraint. Three weeks later, the same thing happened "and don't
forget - don't touch the headphones," said the blonde. Well, just as
the hairdresser was finished, she couldn't resist and she just lifted
one side of the headphones up. The blonde promptly fell stone dead on
the floor of the shop. "Oh my God - I think I've killed her," screamed
the hairdresser. She picked up the headphones and put them on herself.
She heard the strangest thing... "breathe in...breathe out...
breathe in...breathe out."

----

What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some
 Puerto Ricans.

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio.
The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde
was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw
another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped
her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that
give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you
what's coming to you!"

----

A blonde woman was standing at the pop machine; she put in her
money and pressed the Coke button and out came a can of Coke. 
She looked at it and smiled. She took out a dollar, put it in the
pop machine pressed the 7-Up button and out came a can of 7-Up.
She looked at it and really started smiling.  She put in the change
from her dollar and pressed the Coke button again, out came another
can of Coke.  Then she was just beaming!

There was a man standing there watching her, and he finally went
up to her and said, "What are you doing?"  She looked at him and
said, "Duh, I'm winning!"

----

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road
stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day, the redhead
had painted three miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had
painted 10 miles . The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the
job was hers. The next day, the redhead painted five miles and the brunette 5.6
miles and the blonde four miles he told her not to worry you still have a good
lead. So, on the third day the redhead had painted six miles, the brunette five
miles and the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the
blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well?" She said, "Well, that
bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."

----

A blonde appeared at the Pearly Gates seeking admission. The
gate keeper said there was a test that had to be passed before
continuing to paradise, and that the test consisted of three questions.

The blonde said, "Go ahead, ask the questions."

"O.K.," said the angel. "For the first question, tell me which
two days of the week begin with the letter T."

"That's easy," said the candidate for admission. "Today and
Tomorrow."

"Hmmm," said the angel. "Well, I can't argue with that. Now for the
second question: tell me how many seconds there are in a year."

"There are twelve," said the candidate.

"Twelve?!" exclaimed the angel. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, there's January second, February second, March second, etc."

"O.K.," mused the angel. "For the third question, tell me God's first
name."

"God's first name is Andy."

"Oh? What makes you say that?" asked the angel.

And the candidate replied, "It's right there in the song."   (the
candidate begins singing an excerpt from the hymn, "In The Garden") 
"And He walks with me, And He talks with me, And He tells me I am His own..."

----

Several dozen brunette, redhead, and blond guys were facing execution via
firing squad.  The firing squad took the brunettes first, and the leader
said "Ready, aim ... " at which point the brunettes yelled, "Earthquake!!!"
The firing squad looked around anxiously and while they were trying to
figure out whether there was an earthquake or not, the brunette guys all
took off and escaped.  Undaunted, the firing squad took the redheads next,
and the leader again said "Ready, aim ... " at which point the redheads
yelled, "Tornado!!!" The firing squad looked around anxiously and while
they were trying to figure out which direction the tornado was coming from,
the redhead guys all took off and escaped.  The firing squad took the blond
guys last, and by now the blonds had it all figured out; when the right time
came just yell out the name of some natural disaster.  So when the firing
squad leader said "Ready, aim ... ", the blond guys all yelled out, "Fire!!!"

----

 A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to
become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he
shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it.
 "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
 The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast
because he only has one eye!"
 The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows
his profile."  Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he
flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks
her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
 The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha!  He'd be
too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
 The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!
Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a
picture of his profile!  Is that the best answer you can come up
with?  Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to
the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"  He quickly adds "...think
hard before giving me a stupid answer."
 The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
"Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."
 The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really
doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well,
that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while
I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."  He leaves the
room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his
computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.  "Wow!
I can't believe it...it's TRUE!  The suspect does in fact wear
contact lenses.  Good work!  How were you able to make such an
astute observation?"
 "That's easy," the blonde replied.  "He can't wear regular
glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."



Blonde Medical Terminology

Anally - occurring yearly Artery - study of paintings Bacteria - back door of cafeteria Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails Benign - what you be after you be eight Bowel - A, E, I, O, or U Caesarian section - district in Rome Cat scan - searching for kitty Cauterize - made eye contact with her Colic - sheep dog Coma - a punctuation mark Condom - small apartment complex Congenital - friendly D+C - where Washington is Diaphragm - drawing in geometry Diarrhea - journal of daily events Dilate - to live long Enema - not a friend Fallopian Tube - part of a tv set Fester - quicker Fetus - character in "Gunsmoke" Fibula - a small lie Genitals - people of non-Jewish origins G.I. Series - soldiers' ball game Grippe - suitcase Hangnail - coat hook Impotent - distinguished, well known Intense pain - torture in a teepee Labor pain - got hurt at work Medical staff - doctor's cane Menopause - button on the VHS remote control Menstrual cycle - thing with three wheels Morbid - higher offer Nitrates - cheaper than day rates Node - was aware of Outpatient - person who had fainted Pap smear - fatherhood test Pelvis - cousin of Elvis Post operative - letter carrier Protein - favoring young people Rectum - d*mn near killed 'em Recovery room - place to do upholstery Rheumatic - amorous Scar - rolled tobacco leaf Scrotum - small planet near Uranus Secretion - hiding anything Seizure - Roman emperor Serology - study of knighthood Tablet - small tablet Terminal illness - sickness at airport Testicles - found on an octopus Tibia - country in North Africa Tumor - an extra pair Umbilical chord - part of a parachute Urine - opposite of you're out Vagina - heart trouble Varicose - located nearby Vein - conceited Vulva - automobile from Sweden
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them: Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait Bimbag - a blonde's purse Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her Bimboette - a young blonde Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes Bimboozle - to fool a blonde Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence Bimbozo - another name for a blonde Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

Top Ten Inventions By Blonds

The waterproof towel Solar-powered flash light Submarine screen door A book on how to read Inflatable dart board A dictionary index Ejector seat in a helicopter Powdered water Pedal-powered wheelchair Waterproof tea bags ___ __ __ ___ __ _ _ _ _ ____ / __)( )( )(_ ) /__\ ( \( )( \( )( ___) Suzanne Cook \__ \ )(__)( / / /(__)\ ) ( ) ( )__) (___/(______)(___)(__)(__)(_)\_)(_)\_)(____) http://www.cs.utah.edu/~scook/


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