Riddles

• I don't get even, I get odder.
• Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
• Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
• Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
• Even on the right track you'll surely get run over if you just sit there.
• An optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist knows it.
• There is always death and taxes; but death doesn't get worse every year.
• "People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them somebody famous said them first." -Benjamin Franklin
• It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
• I don't mind going nowhere, as long as it's an interesting path.
• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
• In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
• I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
• Dijon vu --the same mustard as before.
• My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
• I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
• I *am* in shape. Round is a shape.
• Practice safe eating -- always use a condiment.
• A day without sunshine is like night.
• I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you all the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old,you grow old because you stopped laughing.
• I always said I wanted to be a comedian when I grew up, but everyone just laughed at me.